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“Are you joking, young man?”
Derrick said that he wasn’t joking, but he’d never had a chance to do anything about it because I worked for him. I couldn’t believe what he was saying and to my mother no less.
“What has changed?”
Derrick told her that it changed when he saw the ring on my finger. I couldn’t believe they were talking about me like I wasn’t even there. I didn’t know what was going on, but I felt very uncomfortable. It felt like again, others were making decisions in my life.
“My daughter is engaged now.”
Derrick agreed, but he didn’t look happy about it. “I will always regret letting her think that I didn’t care. We have been around each other a long time and there was never anything between us. Now, I can’t sit by and let her go be with someone that she doesn’t know, when I will love her for as long as I live.”
I couldn’t believe what Derrick was saying. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, but it sounded like he wasn’t that sure about any of it. I wasn’t either. It felt real and my mom kept looking at me. At first, she was staring me down like I’d done something wrong and after talking to Derrick some, now she was looking at me like I’d done something right. I couldn’t say which way she looked at me was more annoying. It felt like a toss-up at the moment.
“Augustine, why didn’t you tell me about this?”
I tried not to scoff, but it was out before I could stop it. She wasn’t worried about anything that I had to say, especially when it came to getting married. She wanted me carted off with Dalian and making her grandbabies. That apparently was part of the whole reason she’d had me, and I was supposed to do my part. She’d been the one to tell me that I didn’t have any more time to look. Did she feel differently when it came to Derrick? That was good to know, yet really disappointing as well.
Derrick answered for me, telling her that he had just recently told me about his undying love. My mom grabbed her chest and talked about how romantic it was. The problem was that she wasn’t supposed to be taking someone else’s side. She was supposed to take mine, but I should have known better. It was much easier to see past it all when Derrick was here. I couldn’t say what I wanted to because I knew that there was something that she was going to want to say. I just wasn’t ready to hear what that was.
Mom was beside herself with how sweet it all was, and I was doing my best not to say what I really thought was going on. He was milking my mom, trying to get her to say that I didn’t have to marry Dalian. It wasn’t right that he was going over my head and trying to put my mom in a position to better him. I couldn’t believe how he was acting, but when my mom finally left, she said something about how I had to follow my heart. She’d already turned a corner and it had only taken Derrick a little while. He had that charm about him that was impossible to deny. At least I wasn’t the only one that was lost when he talked and smiled at me in that one way.
“Why did you do that, Derrick?”
He looked down at me and touched my cheek softly. “You said you don’t want to marry Dalian, so now you don’t have to.”
I sighed and tried not to sound too ungrateful, but he really didn’t get it. I had to be married in the next couple of weeks, that’s what was expected of me and for one reason or another, I was going to do it because I thought I had to.
“I am expected to get married, Derrick. I don’t think you get that. I am supposed to get married and start a family. You have confused my mom and made it more difficult than it has to be. I know that you are trying to help, but at this point, the only thing that is going to help is for you to back off and let me do what I have to.”
He pulled me toward him, and I gasped, but he ignored me. His lips moved onto mine and this time I was just as unsettled as the first time that he had kissed me. Derrick was the sort of man that I’d always wanted. What he had said to my mother had melted my heart. I remembered wondering what it would be like if his words were true. What would it be like to really have someone like Derrick?
18
Derrick
Ididn’t know what I was doing, really. It sort of started as a joke, but then I thought about it and being married to Augustine felt like a blessing, not a joke. I didn’t know where the idea had come from, but the more I thought about it, the more I touched Augustine’s perfect skin and lips, it was closer to what had to be done. I needed to marry her and now that I was winning the approval of Augustine’s mom, obviously someone who she listened to, I figured I was in the clear.
Augustine let me kiss her for several moments. She molded against me again, sighing softly under her breath. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that she was even more into it this time. I tried to take it to the next level. She was going to be my wife, after all, but Augustine put a stop to it really quick.
She pulled back and I growled at her. Augustine’s eyes were dilated, her breathing was faster and uneven. She was feeling just as good as I was, so why did she stop me? Was she afraid that I was going to go too far? How thin were the walls? Whatever it was, damn it for getting in the way between us. I needed her.
“You are killing me with all this starting and stopping, Augustine. Let me love you.”
Her eyes widened and it was not the response I was looking for. She looked terrified, which cooled all my ardor immediately. Not the response I was trying to get from her at all. Was I intimidating? Did she think that she had to? Whatever it was, the look on her face bothered me, made me feel guilty, and I didn’t like that feeling at all. I pulled away and apologized. I didn’t know where to put my hands, not when my whole body was screaming inside to touch her. I hadn’t felt this off in a long time. Why was Augustine acting so differently than all the rest of them?
“Sorry, I must have misread the situation. I should probably go. I was just here to bring you your things. I must have gotten carried away.”
She tried to stop me, but I really couldn’t face her at the moment. I was so damn embarrassed, and I just wanted to get out of there with whatever I had left of my self-respect. It obviously wasn’t much though. I was raring to go, my body was tense and hard, and it was all for nothing. The starting and stopping with Augustine was confusing. How could I have been so wrong? I was never wrong, but Augustine had not looked at me with lust or need. It was fear, and I didn’t like it one bit. I also didn’t understand it either. It felt like something I should find out.
* * *
It was awkwardthe next morning. I certainly didn’t call Augustine into the office to chat. I could barely look at her after what went on. I knew that it was my fault, I’d done too much, went too far. I thought it would be romantic or something. It felt that way to me, but her eyes, that expression, I wasn’t going to be able to forget about it. I was never usually wrong, and I had no idea how I was so wrong with her. I’d felt her need, or at least that’s what I thought it was.
Now, I had no idea what the hell was going on. Augustine came in on time. I’d worried if she would come in at all. She wasn’t supposed to be working, that was the surprise, and what if she quit? I had too much invested in her for her to just walk away like that. I didn’t know how to take it.
She called me over the intercom. I had someone on the phone, and I about jumped when her voice broke the silence in the room. It took so long to respond, that she repeated herself like I hadn’t heard her.
“Thanks, Augustine. I got it.”
