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Augustine said that she had a good time at the conference and that she would like to come again. I said something like it's a date, because honestly I was still thinking about taking her on my desk and never letting her go. I looked at her, I looked at the desk, and couldn’t help the images that kept flashing through my mind. They were haunting images that I had to push back and out of my head before it made me crazy.
She left the office when I got too suggestive, and I couldn’t blame her. I think if she had stayed, we would have probably done something that she wasn’t prepared to do. I was, I didn't give a damn that we were together. She was my wife after all. I wasn't trying to get out of that. I was proud of who I was married to.
I loved the way that everything was going. I went through my day, knowing what I had to look forward to, and I could honestly say that there was nothing that I could regret.
36
Augustine
It was the first conference that we were going to as a couple. I was still worried that people would discover our relationship and there would be much to say about it. I kept telling myself that I was being silly. Nobody was going to care that I was there, or that me and Derrick were together. It was only me who cared, nobody else. It was just my brain’s way of holding back what had been going on between us. It had been all perfect for all intent and purposes.
I was so wrapped up with Derrick that it took me days to call my mother back and by the time I finally did, she was frantic, and I had to apologize for at least the first 10 minutes. It's not like she thought I had died or anything like that, because I hadn't texted her in a couple of days. It was just that she was acting like it. Maybe she was finally starting to understand that things were different now. I wasn’t always going to be around to do everything for everybody like I had before. My mother had told me for so long that taking care of my husband was basically the only thing that I was ever going to do that mattered, so I finally threw those words back at her and told her that I was just taking care of my husband like she had always told me to.
There was silence on the other end of the line which from my mother, that was a pretty big deal, and she finally agreed that taking care of Derrick was the most important thing. She wanted to know if I had finally fixed the problem that we had. She wasn't saying it out loud, but I finally figured out that she was talking about our lack of sex. I wanted to tell her that our sex life was great and maybe get into details that she probably didn't want to know. I'm not saying that it would have been wise on my part, but it might have been funny.
I kept it all in like the good daughter I had always tried to be. I told her that we were happy, and everything was perfectly normal, just like any other marriage. She sounded like she wasn't sure if she believed me, but finally we were allowed to talk about something else.
My mother was on a roll. She went from that conversation about how I might not be having enough sex with my husband and then the next conversation was how I needed to get pregnant.
“We haven't been married very long, Mom; I think we are probably going to wait a little while,” I said, not even ready to think about all of that. I was just trying to enjoy being married first.
Mom shook her head and said that if I was going to ever listen to any shred of advice from her, then I should start young.
“Start young?”
Mom agreed. “Yeah, I know that's probably not what a lot of people say, but the younger you have your children, the better off you will be. Trust me. Your husband has the money to support you and a child, so you might as well get started on it. You can't break that kind of bond, and it will be easier when you’re younger. You know, you started late, so you need to get started.”
I didn't really know what she was talking about, what bond I was or wasn’t going to break. I told myself that it was just because I had called her, that's why she was acting strange. I didn't know if that was true or not. Now I was all worked up, and I tried to tell her that everything was going to be fine. I think I knew what she meant by bonds breaking. She was talking about the fact that it would be harder for him to divorce me if I was pregnant or had a child. I tried not to be too offended by anything she said as a rule, but for some reason, that one bothered me. Was I afraid that I was going to do something to mess it up? Probably.
“I am not going to trap him with a baby, Mom. It isn’t the right time for such a thing. I want to be ready when I have children.”
That made her scoff and snort, and I swear that the sound was funny. I told her that I was going to be out of town for a while and again she wanted to give me unsolicited advice about my marriage. I ignored it.
When I got off the phone with her, I had a bit more than a slight headache, but what could I do? She’s my mom. I just sighed to myself and tried not to think about it. She was not helpful in any way, shape, or form. The conversation wasn't helpful and now she had me thinking about all kinds of things. None of them were helpful. I didn't even know what this was between me and Derrick, if it was a marriage or what, but the last thing I needed to think about was having his babies. We weren't far enough into the marriage to be thinking of anything like that. Sometimes, I honestly didn't know what she was thinking. Sometimes it didn’t feel like she was an adult, certainly not one that I could count on for anything.
I was running a little late, so I promised Derrick that I would meet him at the airport. He asked if I wanted him to come pick me up, but I told him that everything was fine. He seemed to have a hard time letting things go. Derrick held onto me tight and honestly it made me feel better.
We agreed that we would meet at the airport, and I would be there shortly. There was a lot of traffic and by the time I got there, he was agitated, and I didn’t know why. “Why are you mad?” I asked.
He still didn’t realize how he was acting, so when I said something he looked properly sheepish. “I’m not mad.”
“Uh huh, then why are you so worked up?”
He didn't know what to say. Of course, that just made me want to ask him what was up even more, but there was a strange vibe, and it made me feel like maybe it was best if I kept my mouth shut. I followed him through the airport with tons of people milling around everywhere. We moved to a different part that I wasn't familiar with, and I had no idea what we were doing. So I asked. It felt like every experience was a new one with Derrick.
He shrugged. “We are going to fly private. It's better and nobody will say anything if we decide to have a little fun.”
It was his tone of voice that made me really look at him, and seeing the big grin on his face didn’t leave much to the imagination. I was starting to think that Derrick was insatiable. It certainly felt like it. I might have mentioned something along those lines, and it just made him chuckle a little bit more.
“With you, I do feel insatiable, Augustine. I don't know if I will ever be able to get my fill of you. I promise you that it won't be today or this trip.” He said it as a jest, but I wasn't laughing.
* * *
Derrick was true to form,touching and kissing me before the plane left the ground. It wasn't that long of a flight, but we made the most of it, and I needed to be helped off because I was still a little bit unsteady. I was getting a crash course in Derrick’s lifestyle, and there were some parts of it that I absolutely loved. He was right, of course, flying was a whole lot better when it was private.
The conference was once again at a beautiful hotel, and the only difference was this time we were going to be staying in the same room. Why did it still feel so different and strange? Would I ever get used to it, the two of us together, sharing rooms together?
When the lady at the front desk asked him how many beds, because he hadn’t made a reservation, and before he could answer, I blurted out that we needed two beds. Why had I said that? It didn't make any sense and that certainly got me a look from both of them, but it's not like I could take it back.
