AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I want someone to keep me warm… I want… I want to be important to someone.” Her voice broke in the middle.“I want someone to text me every day and ask me what I want for dinner so I can reply‘no idea.’I want someone to wonder where I am… I want someone toseeme.” I’d hurt her. I saw that fully now. My cold shoulder and accusations. I’d been a bastard to her since the moment she’d returned. At my parents’house, at work… throwing out mixed signals in an effort to protect myself. Failing to see that she needed protecting too.
It amazed me that I held the power to hurt her. All of these weeks, I’d seen myself as a blip on her radar. A single star in an endless sky. A glare on the windscreen you put on sunglasses to block out. When to me… she was becoming the whole sun.
When her breathing turned even, I allowed myself to brush her hair back, whispering into the shadows,“I’ve wondered where you were my entire life, princess.” Then I leant against the headboard on the empty half of the bed. If she woke up, I didn’t want her to be alone.
It was there I noticed the copy ofTwilighton her bedside table, the front cover so bent and tattered I knew it was the one she’d loaned me all those years before. She must have dug it out at some point. Taking it in my hands, I flipped the cover, heart stalling at the title page. At my name scrawled over and over again in a teenaged cursive, dotted with little pink hearts. I ran my thumb over those tiny annotations like I could draw the ink directly into my veins.
I looked at her face again, and made a decision.Screw it.I was going for it.
20
APRIL
Simply The Best – Bilianne
Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, it was easy to convince myself I hadn’t done anything embarrassing the night before. My skin looked pale and sallow but makeup free. I couldn’t have beenthatdrunk if I’d managed to wash my face and put myself to bed.
I’d woken mercifully alone, Dudley tucked into the crook of my arm. Precisely how it should have been.
What awaited me in the kitchen revealed just how wrong I was.
Mal, a tea towel hooked over one shoulder, gazing up from the pan on the burner and giving me what might have been the sweetest smile to ever exist. A single dimple popped in the apple of his cheek. Damp dark blonde hair dipped across his forehead. A lethal combination that stunned me into silence as he set a steaming cup of coffee on the breakfast bar, followed by a plate of chocolate muffins.“Perfect timing.” He smiled again and seemed to hold my gaze with a purpose I didn’t understand. Then, as though he’d forgotten a significant part of whatever the hell this was, tripped his way around the counter, almost knocking over one of the stools while yanking out the other.“Please sit.”
That’s when I knew I’d fallen down the rabbit hole. Mal didn’t smile like that—not for me. I hovered on the threshold, not daring to take a step in either direction should I disturb this dream I’d tumbled into. I knew I was being awkward as hell because his smile became uncertain and he fumbled with the coffee, nudging it in my direction with a heavy hand that made it splash over the rim.“Dammit!” He whipped the tea towel from his shoulder, mopping up the spillage as his cheeks flushed heavy crimson.“I used the vanilla syrup you like… I hope I made it right.”
Those words got my feet moving. I slid onto the stool, taking in the spread of food while sipping the overly sweet coffee. A small vase of daisies sat beside a bowl of chopped fruit—my usual breakfast—and the plate of chocolate muffins.“Jess said they’re your favourite,” he explained. When I glanced up, that sweet smile was still fixed to his features, but the corners were beginning to quake.
The memory hit me like a wave. The American—Steve—plying me with alcohol. Flirting with him until Mal intervened. I barely stifled the urge to bury my face in my hands. I was a thirty-year-old woman, how did I get myself into such a mess?
I saw the breakfast for what it was then… an apology for upsetting me at his parents’house.I don’t want his pity.I started to slide from the stool, lifting my coffee in acknowledgment.“Thanks for this—”
“You haven’t eaten yet.”
“I’m not really hungry,” I lied, self-preservation kick-starting my fight-or-flight mode. It wasn’t a good idea for me to spend time around Mal anymore. He was attracted to me, wanted me in a physical sense, but he didn’t wantme. Not really.
For a second I could have sworn he looked hurt, but his tone remained indifferent.“No bother, I’ll put it in the fridge in case you get hungry later.” He began packing the food away in that methodical way of his, turning off the burner under his egg pan, placing my favourite muffins that contained a pocket of melted chocolate in the middle back into the white bakery box. My stomach rumbled and I snapped, snagging the last one from the plate before he could take it.
“I might be a little hungry,” I said, breaking off the top and putting it into my mouth.
“Fair enough.” He hid a smirk behind a glass of orange juice he sipped as we watched one another from our separate sides of the island.
“You’re not drinking coffee,” was the only thing I could think to say.
“No…” He winced and his shoulder curled.“I actually should tell you… I can’t stand coffee.”
The truth ticked through me.“Why lie? Why let me bring you coffee every morning?”
He rubbed his palm over his bristled jaw, an action I’d seen him make when he was anxious.“I wouldn’t call it a lie, exactly. More like a misunderstanding that got out of hand.”
“You could have corrected me at any point.”
“I could have”—he nodded jerkily and swallowed—“but I was too busy soaking up any scraps of yourself you were willing to offer. Even if it was just a brush of our fingers around the thermos you handed me every morning.”
That was in the zero point one percent of sentences I’d have ever predicted would leave his mouth. I let my mug thunk to the counter, really allowing myself to look at him. He still looked nervous, but I’d missed the hopeful energy swirling about him. The buzz that preceded something spectacular.
“You were an arse to me yesterday, Mal. Why?” I demanded.
He didn’t hesitate.“Because I’ve been trying to pretend I feel nothing for you. Because lashing out felt easier than admitting I’ve been pining away for you like every other person on the planet.” His shoulders inched higher with every word that raced from him, but his voice didn’t waver once. I could feel my heart beating in the back of my throat, a racking pulse that reminded me of drinking too-sweet wine.“I’m so sorry. Yesterday in the garden, you were saying everything I’ve dreamed of hearing from you, and it shook me. It’s like I was outside myself and I couldn’t breathe. I needed it over. Then you ran and I hated myself. It’s not a good excuse,” he continued.“But I hope you’ll let me make amends.”
