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“That’s ridiculous, Evangeline,” he mumbles, turning his head away from me, but it hits me hard, and I’m already walking on eggshells around him. But my solution isnotridiculous. It’s me grasping for straws. It’s my very last attempt to save my future and to stay with the man I love.
There’s nothing ridiculous about it.
“What’s ridiculous, Chester? Marrying someone I love? Marrying him so I don’t have to let go of him? I wish things were different, but they are not. I’m going to marry Thomas Meyer if I can’t find someone else. I want to marry the man I love, Chester.” My lower lip trembles, and my voice is shaky. A lone tear leaves my eye. I’m speaking from the heart. I’m sharing my deepest fears and desires, but the man next to me only shakes his head as if it’s the most insane idea ever.
“It’s not enough, Evangeline.”
“What’s not enough?” I wipe away the tears, trying to figure out what he’s talking about.
“Love,” he whispers and winces because he knows it’ll cut me deep.
“You don’t love me?” It physically hurts to say the words. Have I been a fool? My heart is beating for him. I love him with my entire heart, and I assumed Chester felt the same way. But maybe I’ve been lying to myself because I wanted that happiness, that love so desperately.
“No. Don’t say that.”
“Then what, Chester?” I snarl, feeling a darker emotion running over my skin. It fires me up, and it fuels my desire to lash out. This hurts. It burns, and I see my life turning to ashes.
“I don’t want to get married, Evangeline, and nothing will change my mind. Nothing. I saw what marriage did to my parents, to Moreen and Sebastian. I don’t want it.”
“I don’t want to get married either, but I fucking have to.” I scream the last part, and a dam breaks deep inside me, and the tears stream out of my eyes. This is the end of us and the start of my misery.
“If you think love is not enough, then you’re wrong, Chester. I would give anything to marry for love. Anything, but instead, I’m going to marry a man who scares me so badly because he’s handsy, demeaning, and he robs me of my choices.” He flinches visibly before withdrawing even further.
“Evangeline, I…”
“The examples you mentioned are couples who didn’t marry out of love. They don’t even like each other. This is different. I love you with my entire heart, but I’m forced to end it and not on my terms. I want so much more out of life, Chester, and I want to reach it with you—” I drop my hand on his cheek, hoping it’ll change his mind.
“And yes, I know how absurd my solution is, but I don’t see another way out. At least I could be marrying someone I love and who makes me smile out of complete happiness. We can’t predict the future and maybe it’ll lose its spark after years of marriage, but I would rather experience love than regret a lifetime without it.” My voice breaks. I beg him to understand. I’m aware of how selfish I am, but I’m fighting for us as much as I’m fighting for me.
“Be my knight in shining armour, Chester, because I can’t marry the villain.” He closes his eyes, and I see the conflict on his face.
“I wish I knew how to stop your marriage.” It’s done, and my stomach cramps, as if he punched me straight in it. My heart is breaking into pieces and every memory I have of him is now mixed with pain and sadness.
“I know how.”
“I can’t, Evangeline.”
“Then we’re over. Done.” I crawl out of his bed, reaching for my shirt and pulling it over my head, my tears falling at the same speed my heart’s crumbling. I’m gutted, and it physically hurts. I want to bend over and scream, but still, the pain will be there.
My future turns dark, and I’m off to a lifetime of unaccomplished dreams and a loveless marriage.
“Evangeline.” There’s pain in his voice, but not enough to change his mind. To stop a thief from robbing me of my life.
“We’re done.” I stand up and grab my panties and jeans. My only goal now is to escape his room and to start to nurture my broken heart. I need time to prepare for my future and to stop dreaming about Chester.
“Don’t say that.” He reaches for me, but I pull back my arm as if his touch burns. I throw a look over my shoulder, and the tears turn my vision blurry, but I can still make out the pained expression on his face. Eyes that shimmer and show the start of sadness, and his mouth hangs open. His eyes match mine. They’re filled with agony and helplessness, but my heart is bleeding, and I want nothing more than for him to stop me. To love me. To marry me.
Instead, his blue-greyish eyes portray heartbreak, but his actions don’t show it.
We’re done and so are my dreams. I walk to the door and it feels so final. Only a few words are left and I’m ready to close this chapter, beginning one that I don’t want but am forced to endure.
“Goodbye, Chester.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Chester
There’s a layer of pain over my heart, and it’s there to protect what lies underneath it. I’m not sure what to expect if the layer isn’t there anymore. I’ve never experienced heartbreak, so the lack of experience makes me wonder if I’m actually going through it.
