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I miss everything about her. I miss her, and I long so desperately for her. I want her by my side forever, but I don’t want the stamp of a married couple on us. Evangeline will have that branding with someone else, and it guts me that I’m the one who can save her from it. Thomas will treat her badly, I know that, and I’m a coward for allowing it to happen. I don’t want her to have a miserable life. I want her next to me, but so many red flags are being raised because the word marriage was mentioned.
“I can’t.” I’m an arsehole. The worst of the worst.
“Then you need to live with the consequences and carry the burden of robbing Evangeline and yourself of happiness.” Sebastian is right because I’ll never be able to shake it. Her painful eyes will forever haunt me, and it’ll be my imagination filling in what her life looks like with that bastard.
“I’m a douchebag.”
“To put it lightly.” I chuckle.
“You need to do some thinking, Ches, because you’re going to regret it. You need to pull yourself together and face the things you’re afraid of because it’s fear you’re experiencing.” Fear. He’s bloody right. I’m scared to be like my parents and ruin our lives. I’m scared to be like Sebastian and Moreen, who portray misery so clearly.
“Aren’t you scared of losing her?” Sebastian asks with a face full of tension as if he too carries that fear deep inside of him.
“More than anything. I’m more afraid of not having her by my side to hear her laugh, to feel her kindness, her selfishness—”
“But you’re not going to change your mind, are you?”
“I don’t know, Sebastian. I feel split. I love Evangeline and I want her so bloody much, but marriage…” I whisper; two different voices yelling at me inside my head.
My subconscious can’t decide. It’s holding tightly to the past and what I’ve vowed early on. The other part wants to dive straight into a world that holds her. Only her.
For now, I’ll be the coward who dared to ignore it. For now, I’ll play the bad guy in her life, and I hate myself for it.
Sebastian sighs like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
“Chester, it’s time to figure out what outweighs the other. Are you going to fight for love or do nothing and have a life without it?” Damn Sebastian and his wise words. The man used to only talk about business and complain about his wife, and now it sounds like he swallowed a soul and gained some priorities, where his wife actually comes first.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly, and I’m ashamed of not knowing the answer. How could I not go for love? It’s easy. Anyone would strive for a happy life, but one way or another, I’m the exception to the rule because my parents fucked up my idea of marriage.
Maybe I truly need to be punched in the jaw, and then I might be able to see straight again. I’m hoping for it to change. I need that earth-shattering wake-up call, or I’ll watch her get married, and I’ll hate myself for allowing it to happen.
“You two are a sad bunch.” Prescott stops in front of us.
“Talk some sense into him because I can’t deal with his shit,” Sebastian says, standing up.
“What’s going on?” Prescott asks, and it feels like a punch in the stomach. It’s opening that wound all over again. Now, Sebastian will repeat it, and I’ll have to rehear how the woman I love is marrying someone else in two weeks. How she said goodbye to me and ripped me open from the inside. How I’m a coward for not facing my fear.
“He loves Evangeline, but Chester doesn’t want to marry her. So, she’s off to marry some sick bastard instead.” Ripped. Apart. My heart fucking bleeds, and I need a cure, or the pain will keep on ruling my life.
“What the fuck, Chester?” Great. Of course, Prescott doesn’t see eye to eye with me either. He’s been sulking after Jocelyn for ages now, and I bet she only has to ask, and he’ll put her in a wedding dress the very same day.
I don’t think I’m ready for another lecture, but it seems what I want doesn’t matter. Maybe Prescott will help me see the light because I desperately want it, desperately need something to change my mind.
Chapter Thirty
Evangeline
What’s the point of love if it only results in heartbreak? I’ve been foolish and naïve when it came to Chester. But in the end, I was pushed to face my reality, and I got a good slap to the cheek for all my hopes and insane ideas.
My dreams never come true, so why do I entertain them? It always results in my heart going through the inevitable heartbreak. So, I’m done with the whole hope and dream part of life. Absolutely done. I learned my lesson, and it taught me that it’s not for me. It’s for other people, and I’ll forever envy them. But I’m not one of them.
Let them live in beauty while I manage to live a life without love.
How fun.
What happened between Chester and I completely drained me. I’m tied to my bed, and my heart tries to mend the broken pieces, but it’s impossible with my lack of energy. I can barely lift my arm to grab my phone from the nightstand. It’s not just the heart that breaks, the body and mind suffer just as much.
There’s nothing left, but somehow the tears keep falling. They stream out of my eyes, and at first, it was matched with sobs, but now, it’s silent and painful. So agonising that my stomach hurts and my limbs feel heavy.
