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I know everything about the one topic I want to be clueless about. I know the flavour of the cake, the design of her dress, the type of flowers for the tables … it goes on and on. Every single piece of information is a hit to my heart, and it pushes me deeper into that well of self-pity.
When a message from Moreen popped up an hour ago, I ignored it or at least tried to. Why would I deliberately torture myself by reading her message about Evangeline? But it lasted only minutes before I did in fact read it, and thankfully, the wall was close by so that I could give it a good punch.
It’s ridiculous how I allow both of us to suffer while the solution is within reach.
But I’m starting to realise that I can’t move on like this. Where the bloody hell is my joy? It left when Evangeline walked out of my house, and the only way to get it back is to have her near me.
If I hold on to this principle of never getting married, I’ll miss everything a life with Evangeline has to offer, and that price is high. I don’t want to pay for it. I don’t want to regret anything. I don’t want to think back on her and hate myself for not having the balls to chase the woman I love.
Time heals all wounds, they say, but I’m not sure I want it to mend. I don’t want to become ignorant of what happened. I want to remember what it felt like to love so deeply for it to wreck my life completely.
“You’re a coward, Chester,” I mumble to myself. “A bloody coward.” My eyes fall on the large steel clock on the wall. It ticks away, and after all these weeks, dress fittings have taken place, bridal showers and rehearsal dinners, and the last step is the wedding day which will take place in a few hours.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive today.
This morning has made me see the light and conclude that a life without her is not one I’m willing to sign up for. I just need a push in the right direction and then I’ll get my girl.
Thomas Meyer shouldn’t be anywhere near the beauty that she holds. He doesn’t deserve anyone, but especially not someone who belongs to me. But bloody hell is it difficult to find the power to push through because I’m scared I’ll fail, and I’ll waste away my life as my parents did.
But I know what I have to do.
Evangeline is mine, just as much as I’m hers.
But my feet still don’t move forward. The scars of my youth are branded on my heart, and I’m reminded of them every step I take. My brain is hardwired to stop the minute someone mentions marriage or commitment.
Despite growing up with a bad example of love, I don’t want to forsake my life with Evangeline. It needs to be lived, and I’m but a step away from taking it.
Just one step…
The bell rings, and my eyes fall on the clock. Only five tedious minutes have passed, and I still haven’t made any progress. If it keeps going like this, I’ll lose everything.
I sulk my way to the door. The last time, Evangeline was the one who stood waiting in front of it. Even though the conversation didn’t go as planned, she still left her mark on my heart, and it only made me long for her more. There’s a part of me that desperately wants it to be her again because that would mean she will not be getting married today.
I want to hear her soothing voice, smell her addictive scent and watch her eyes light up with all the different emotions passing through her.
But to my disappointment, when I open the door, it’s Moreen. My eyes fall on her light grey dress. It’s long and made of layers. Crystals shaped in flowers cover her dress. Her makeup is professionally done; I know where she’s going.
Then what the hell is she doing here?
“Good morning, Moreen, what brings you to my humble abode?”
She scoffs, and those cold eyes stare at me like I'm a five year old stealing biscuits.
“Are you ready to grow up yet?”
“I … What?” This is why she’s here. To change my mind. And my life flashes in front of me. A life without Evangeline, and that life seems miserable. One without her smiles, her laughter, her wit … I don’t want that.
It’s Moreen’s presence that pushes me to the right side. I bloody hell needed that push because a wedding is not taking place today. Evangeline will not be tying her life to Thomas Meyer. Ever.
“Are you finally ready to fight for the love of your life?”
“I—” She cuts me off right away.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Ches? You need to think about it?” she snaps. “You had enough time to figure things out. You need to get out of those ugly sweats and into your best suit because I’m not going to watch you fuck up your life, only to regret it later.”
“Well, I’m not going to fuck up my life,” I state confidently.
“Good,” Moreen says firmly, staring at me before she slowly raises her eyebrows.
