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Skylar
Eighteen years old
Noah drives us slowly backwards off the driveway, and then we take off, going zero to sixty in what feels like just seconds. I scream as we accelerate and grip on to him tighter, and I can feel Noah’s body shaking in laughter at me.
The first couple of minutes, I'm still holding onto him with a death grip, my eyes squeezed close, sure that any minute now we’re going to crash.
But after a moment, the fear starts to slip away, and all that's left is giddy exultation. There's a freedom about being on the bike, feeling the pulse of the engine between my legs. I love how the wind whips at my hair, and the world rushes by around us, like we’re not really part of it anymore. I can understand now why Noah is so obsessed with his bike, if this is even a small part of how he feels when he's on one. Noah takes off down the main road that goes by the coast, testing the speed limit on the straight shots of land. We ride for about thirty minutes until we pull up to a dock that I've never seen before.
Noah pulls into a parking stall and I hop off as soon as he gets the kickstand up, narrowly missing burning my leg on the hot engine.
Noah slides off with ease. "You'll get better at it," he promises, and my insides jump, thinking of the promise in his words.
That there will be more days like this in my future.
He pulls my helmet off gently, and I swear sparks emanate from wherever he touches me. He pulls off his own then, his hair all over the place. It’s grown since the last time I cut it. It’s still not shoulder length as it once was, but it’s not a crew cut either. It's just long enough that it beckons for fingers to run through its locks, and pull. My insides flip as I stare at this beautiful, golden boy, the sunshine making his hair even blonder than usual. He flashes me a white toothed smile, and I wonder how there could be so much beauty in the world.
For a second, dark thoughts of just how much we don't go together flicker through my head, but I push them away.
At least for today.
For this moment.
He’s mine.
I'm sure those dark thoughts will be waiting for me as soon as we’re done here.
This time, Noah does take my hand, and I find myself looking around again for someone that we know.
But the dock is deserted. There are ten boats around the dock, but no one is actually around.
Noah leads me to the very end. And my insides tighten with anxiety as I stare at the gentle waves in the water.
There’s one boat tied at the very end. You can tell that it's old, but whoever owns it has taken painstakingly good care of it. There’s a fresh coat of paint on it and every surface gleams. We come to a stop in front of it, and for the first time this morning, Noah seems…nervous.
"This was my mom's. Well, I guess the dinghy was actually my grandfather’s, but he gave it to her as a wedding present, and she always told me growing up it would end up being mine. After she died…it was."
There’s a tic in his cheek and he’s biting his bottom lip as he does when he’s trying to hold in his emotions. It's like watching a storm cloud pass over the sun as despair clouds his features, but he pushes those feelings away a second later.
"She's beautiful," I tell him earnestly, making his face brighten, almost like he'd been expecting a different reaction from me. He holds out his hand and I realize then, belatedly, that he wants to take me out on it.
I glance at the waves licking against the sides of the dinghy and then back at Noah.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I give him a feeble smile and take his hand, allowing him to help me onto the boat. Then he gets to work on the ropes tying it to the dock, expertly unraveling them and tossing them aside. I’m doing my best to hold my panic attack at bay when he jumps into the dinghy and takes a key out of his pocket. A moment later, the engine rumbles around us.
"Are you sure you have time for this today?" I call out, barely able to be heard with how loud the boat is. It's obvious that the engine hasn't been updated; it's much louder than newer boat engines are.
"Today, I’ve got all the time in the world." Noah grins, coaxing my insides to be at war with each other.
Under no circumstances do I want to go out on this little boat into the ocean, but I also really want to spend time with Noah.
You just need to suck it up, I tell myself. Maybe today is the day I conquer my fears.
But as we head out, and the dinghy falls and rises as it meets the waves, I'm quite sure that today is in fact not the day I conquer my fears.
On these small boats, it feels like we could flip over at any point.
