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Her worry undoes me, rips my insides to pieces and puts them back together. She rubs the sleep away and scoots upright.
“Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’m fine.”
Tipping the corners of my mouth into a smile, I try to reassure her while I play with a lock of her hair. My entire lifechanged the moment she barged back into it.
“Why don’t you hate me?” I ask her.
I remember all I did, a scarred man desperate for control. I could have lost the best thing in my life. Regret tastes rotten on my tongue.
The words of Sister Theodora have haunted me, mostly because they are true. My leash is just longer than her father’s.
Aurora’s eyebrows draw further together.
“Do you want me to hate you?”
No, I want you to be happy, to love me back.It’s official, I’ve become a statistic. The right woman turns you into a sappy, lovesick fool.
“I gave you so many reasons. And I’ll probably give you more.”
I try to put myself in her position, changing one prison for the other. The only difference is in this one, the warden is me. A man who is smitten with her. She may have a lot more freedom now, but it’s mostly because of that fucking chip. I took her free will away, while I dangle something she can’t refuse in her face. Me in exchange for small freedoms that should have been a right, not a reward.
I push myself from the bed, the thoughts driving me crazy, the air in the room suffocating me. I slide the doors to the balcony open, grip the banister, and crane my neck to the stars twinkling in the sky.
If I was a good man, I would have made sure her wings can spread even wider, not clip them. My conscience finally woke up and it’s having a blast at my turmoil.
Aurora tiptoes to me, wrapped in one of my shirts, and my inner beast growls in satisfaction.
She offers me a small smile.
I am sorry, Aurora, but I can’t let you go. I let her see the war brewing in my eyes. I turn my face to the forest stretchingaround us. Knowing the mansion of that bastard is just past the trees reignites my anger. She wouldn’t have to do any of this if it weren’t for that greedy asshole. I was too lenient with him, but not anymore. I can’t let her go, but starting tomorrow I’ll go on the offensive. Silas will pay for his and my sins as well.
Aurora places a kiss between my shoulder blades, and I clasp her hands.
“Talk to me.”
“You wouldn’t like what I am thinking about.”
“Planning someone’s demise?” she asks like it is an ordinary question. I turn to her, lifting her to my chest, and she crosses her legs around me.
“I don’t want to talk anymore. Just let me be inside of you.”
And that’s exactly what I do until she falls asleep, my name rolling from her lips in a confession of sin with no regrets. I soak it in from her, hoping she’ll grant me her absolution, and sleep finds me as well.
***
While she lies on her side of the bed, hair cascading over the pillow and her skin glowing in the morning light, I force myself not to kiss her awake. After I get dressed in the walk-in closet, I go downstairs, and Tamara puts a cup of coffee in front of me.
“Let her sleep today.”
“You couldn’t sleep?”
This woman knows me better than my own mother. My jaw tightens and she takes a seat beside me. It’s a clear sign I won’t like what she’s going to say. I shoot her a warning look, but she ignores it.
“There is a difference between being a bad person by choice and doing bad things for a higher purpose.”
“Semantics.”
She sighs and squeezes my hand. “Your mother should have reacted better. Nothing that happened was your choice. You had to do what you had to do for everyone to still have this life. But now you have that woman up there. She’s good and loving, and you owe it to her to not let your inner demons out.”
