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“Your mother was not only beautiful on the inside, but on the outside too. Just like you. It’s a compliment you should be proud of.”
I nod dejectedly.
“I am going to see to dinner. Afterward, you can tell me all about your stay abroad in England.”
My stay abroad. What a mockery. As if I’d been on vacation and not sent to a fortress filled with rules, lessons of obedience, and learning acceptance. I wouldn’t know what independence was if it gave me a concussion.
Marie closes the door, and I step inside the en suite bathroom. I shower before dinner, wishing the water would wash away my jet lag and the misery engraved on my soul. I towel myself dry and change into a knee-length dress, covering my arms as well. I pat it to smooth out every wrinkle.
My bedroom door slams open, and I bolt upright, seeing my father’s face filled with anger. I take a step back.
“Didn’t the nuns teach you some respect?”
“I didn’t know I was expected at a certain time.” I try for a soft tone, but a sparkle of defiance fizzles through. Not knowing what he expects from me and being on constant alert is exhausting.
“Do not test my patience. You have five minutes to come downstairs.”
He shuts the door behind him, and my heart slows to a normal beat. I put my hair into a loose braid and rush down the stairs. Marie gives me an apologetic glance, and my brother’s shoulders are as stiff as a board.
“The princess finally greets us.”
“Father, she just got here.”
The tension crashes down on the room.
“Just as useless as her mother.”
My brother’s jaw tightens. My father cuts into his steak while I take a seat across from Cameron.
“Should we say a prayer?” I ask, hoping to deflate the stiff air a bit.
My father bursts into laughter. “Save it for later.” What he doesn’t say reverberates through me with a more ominous ring.
My brother looks at me, care and protection sparkling in all the brownish-green tones of his eyes. My father asks him questions about how his election campaign is going. Currently a US congressman for the State of Massachusetts, Cameron is running to become the youngest senator in the country in a fewyears. He keeps his answers short, but my father nods, pleased with his replies.
When dinner ends, my father leaves, taking with him that stifling veil of tension. I have so many questions now that I’m alone with my brother. I want to know about his life, career, and where I fit in all this.
Cameron dabs at the corners of his mouth with his napkin. “I need you to trust me.”
My expression must be a mirror of confusion, but he stands up. Reaching across the table, he kisses the top of my head, leaving. A few moments later, a roaring of a sports car blasts through the partially open dining room window.
Marie finds me in the same spot, and I shake myself from my daze. On my way to my bedroom, I tell her about my best friend and my favorite nun, Sister Theodora. Even though she was the most strict, it’s because of her I found how much I love gardening. I tell Marie how I have immersed myself in reading and writing books. How I discovered my love for running and that I was the best in my class. By the time we’re finished talking, I feel more at ease.
When Marie closes my bedroom door, I pick up my phone and sigh. No messages from Chiara. I try to call her, but it goes straight to voicemail, igniting my worry further.
I type a message.Hi, just call me back. I miss you and need to know you’re all right.
I open my nightstand, and behind a secret panel, I find my most treasured possessions. Possessions I had to leave behind, because the moment I came back from the hospital, my father sent me straight to St. Mary’s School.
There’s a picture of my mother. My beautiful mom, with her long, blond hair, and almond-shaped, sky blue eyes. She’s wearing her full smile as she hugs me. I pick up my old diary, open it, and smile at the first entry.
Cameron picked on me today, but Kieran patted me on the head and said he picked on the wrong girl. He smiled at me, a warm beam as if the sun itself touched his mouth. I smiled back at him and then he went after my brother. He got him on his back, and Cameron had to promise he’d never say I’m a pest.
I wonder what he’s doing. I should have asked my brother. He must be twenty-six now. Are they still friends? Does he have a girlfriend or a wife? I haven’t even kissed a man yet. I pat my lips and wonder if I’ll ever experience what I read in my books a thousand times over—love.
Be strong.
Be brave.
