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Wow. I didn’t expect that. Also didn’t anticipate the butterflies that are now fluttering in my stomach. I’m pretty sure my cheeks are blushing, but it’s cloudy out, and there’s not much daylight shining through the cracks, so Ridge can’t see. Not that I’d care if he did. Ridge doesn’t care if I blush. Or if I’m angry. Or sad. Or happy. Ridge doesn’t care if I’m soaked with smeared mascara running down my face. In fact, he loves me even more when I’m me.
So why am I doing this? Why did I ask him to talk, just so I could break his heart?
“Talk to me,” he says, sweeping a thumb under my eye, then the other, wiping away what I assume is smeared makeup. “What’s on your mind, Angel?”
I don’t know where to start. I don’t even know what I plan to say, just that I need to finally tell him exactly what I think about him and the way he behaves. Only then can he finally move on and find someone who loves him the way I know he will fiercely love them.
“I don’t know where you came from, Ridge. One day, you were just there and you never left. I’m pretty sure it was the end of the summer. I saw you sitting in a tree.” He nods, confirming that was the first time. He takes my hands in his, and I know—I can tell by that look of adoration glistening in his eyes, he thinks I’m going to confess my undying love for him. But that’s not at all what I’m doing. What I’m about to say is going to crush this guy—and that hurts. It hurts so damn bad.
I clear my throat and continue, “You took me by surprise. Honestly didn’t think I’d ever even stand face to face with you and have a conversation like this—”
“That’s my fault, Angel. I should’ve been strong enough to speak to you in the first place. I tried. Lord knows I tried. You deserved so much more than what I gave you and I’m going to spend my life speaking and telling you just how perfect you are.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
I remove my hands from his and sweep away the water under my eyes; only this time, it’s not rainwater. “Don’t say nice things to me like that, Ridge. I don’t deserve it. Not from you.”
“Angel,” he spins me around, taking in my red eyes, “you deserve the world and more.”
“But I don’t. Your heart is so big, Ridge. But it’s not mine for the taking, and mine is not yours.”
“Stop that.”
“Let me finish.”
“No! I don’t wanna hear it. Don’t you dare talk like that.” He grabs my shoulders, holding me with all his strength. My body shakes as words of pain and anger spill from his mouth. “We are destined to be together. Your heart is mine and mine is yours. Take it, break it, but please don’t let it go.”
“I…I can’t.” I swallow down the hard lump in my throat, feeling it settle at the bottom of my stomach. “I will never love you, Ridge. I want to be with Maddox and I want you to tell him it’s okay to be with me.”
Have you ever looked at someone and literally seen their heart break? Not just a sliver or a crack—a full-on break? I could have ripped it from his chest with my bare hands and he’d still have the same look of melancholy that he has right now.
Still holding me, I’m certain it’s now because his legs have gone weak, he takes an uneven step to the left, then back to the center, and to the left again. His mouth opens, but no words come out.
“I’m so sorry, Ridge.” Tears continue to slide down my cheeks and the second I see one fall from his eye, my own heart might as well have been torn from my chest.
A second of silence passes, then another, and another, and I’m desperate to hear his thoughts.
“Say something. Please.”
His mouth opens and closes, only to open again, but there’s no sound. No words. No screams. No whispers of the pain he’s feeling inside.
It’s just…silent.
With a trembling chin, he drops his hold on me and pushes open the door. I grab his arm as he steps off to the side, making room for me to exit. “Please…”
He knocks my arm down, forcing my hand off of him, then he shoves me out the door and slams it closed.
CHAPTER29
RIDGE
My words failed me again.At a time when I needed them most, they failed me. Will I ever be enough? Will this world ever accept me for my thorns, scars, and imperfections?
“My angel says she’ll never love me and that’s okay. I don’t need her love. I only need her to accept mine. I long to shower her with sunshine and warmth. Pepper her body with kisses and see her smiling face when I wake, only to see it again before I sleep. There will never be another person for me. Even if there is someone else for her.” I run my fingers down the bloody blade, wiping it clean. “What would you do, Eric?” He gurgles and chokes as blood spills from the corner of his mouth. But I know what he’s thinking. “You’re right. I have to fight harder.”
I drag the clean blade across his throat, bloodying it again while smiling with gratitude. “Thanks for listening to me. Not many take the time to hear me out, but you did.”
