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But I can’t. For one, talking about mobsters with anyone else is basically the dumbest thing imaginable. More than that, Cait’s world is so small and lovely, I don’t remember the last time she struggled. I love her to pieces, I really do, and all this internal struggle is just ugly, petty jealousy on my part, but I feel like such a loser. Like such a piece of garbage.
I can’t bring myself to tell her how bad things are.
“I know it’s been tough lately,” Cait says softly, her face filling the frame. “Why don’t you come out here? Use some vacation time. Or maybe just visit for a weekend? I can fly you out—”
“Please don’t offer to pay for things,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut. “I love you to pieces, I just can’t.”
“Okay, that’s okay, I totally understand.” She hesitates a second. “Why don’t I come out there?”
“You’re pregnant. You have a kid. There are a million reasons why not.”
Cait lets out a long sigh. “I miss you,” she says, whispering now. “I miss the way things used to be. I know I seem like things are great, but seriously, Fiona, sometimes I want to rip my own fucking hair out. Do you know where the closest mall is?”
I shake my head. “No clue.”
“Three hours away. Our closest neighbor is fifteen minutes. There’s a town, but god, it’s like literally three buildings and maybe ten horses. Ilovethis place. It’s absolutely beautiful. But I’m so fucking bored.”
I shouldn’t smile, but I can’t help it. Misery really does love company. “Really? You always seem so happy.”
“Iamhappy. I can’t really pretend like I’m not. But we’re isolated. All I have is Joshua for company. Then there’s Dylan, and he’s amazing, but it isnoteasy doing nothing but parenting. And being a wife. And gardening.”
“Sounds like you need my visit more than I need it.”
She laughs, nodding. “Absolutely. I’m serious too. I miss sitting around, drinking wine, and shit talking. I miss just being friends, no pressure. Not even shit talking anyone we know, just talking about nothing. I miss pizza. I miss tacos.”
“I can bring you pizza.”
“Please. I’m begging you. Don’t tease me.”
I grin at her, leaning back in my big fluffy bed. “Scott’s really engaged, huh?”
“I’m sorry. He’s a little needle-dicked loser, right?”
“The needle-est of all dicks. Just a straight line.”
“Screw him.” She grins at me. “You okay, Fiona?”
“No, I’m not, but I’ll survive.”
There’s more barking in the background. “Shit. I gotta go. Rex is doing it again and Joshua’s waving for me to come back.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too. Fuck Scott. Rex!!—” The call disconnects and my phone goes silent.
I stare at it for a long moment. All those ugly feelings are still inside, but Cait’s admission makes me feel better.
Not because she’s suffering. Honestly, I feel so guilty that I’ve been thinking her life is perfect and resenting her for it, when secretly she’s been struggling.
It’s more that it’s nice to hear that someone in my stupid life needs me, at least a little bit.
I grab the room’s phone and dial room service on a whim. I order a plate of fries—two plates of fries—and an expensive bottle of champagne. “Charge it to the card on file, please.”
“Right away, Mrs. Kane.”
I grimace, but don’t correct him.
Gareth might be pissed about the expense, but whatever, he can afford it. Right now, I’m only concerned about getting through the night without losing my mind.
