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“You have feelings for him,” Kat says. “And it’s not just because you’re fake married.”
“Which is a complicated enough situation,” Brice adds. “Much worse when you start to have real emotions.”
“I don’t, I mean, I’m not—” I stop, take a deep breath, and finish my glass of champagne. “Yeah, I have feelings for him, and I have no clue what to do about it.”
“Oh, sweetie,” Kat says, patting my hand, shaking her head. “It’ll be okay.”
“Did you tell him?” Brice asks. “I know it’s not easy, but—”
“No,” I say quickly and probably with more panic than I meant. “And please don’t mention it, not even to Carmine or Ford. They’ll tell him.”
The girls exchange another look. “We won’t,” Brice says cautiously. “But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from these men, it’s that you’ve got to just take what you want. At least say it out loud so he’s forced to do something about it. Don’t let him drift, thinking he’s doing the right thing.”
“If you like him, go for it,” Kat says, nodding along.
“It’s not that easy. He knows I have feelings, but he’s convinced this whole job thing is best for me. And he’s kind of not wrong. It’s a dream job.” I stare down at my empty glass, taking deep breaths to keep my emotions in check.
“Honey, if it’s a dream job, why do you look so miserable?” Brice asks.
I can’t answer. If I talk, I’m going to start crying. They must know that, because Kat changes the subject, and they carry the conversation for a while. I drink more champagne until I’m feeling all floaty and happy, and after a few hours, the girls head out.
“Call anytime,” Brice says, hugging me. “I mean it. No matter what happens with you and Gareth, let’s keep in touch.”
“Same goes for me,” Kat says.
“Thank you both for coming,” I say, feeling tipsy, but better than I did before they came over. “I didn’t realize how much I needed some girl time.”
“Happy to do it.” Brice waves, Kat hugs me, and the pair disappear. I watch them go until they’re around the corner and out of sight.
I shut the door, returning to my empty apartment.
Gareth’s empty apartment.
I stand in the living room, staring out the windows, like I have a hundred times. But now I’m replaying that conversation in my head.
I hadn’t admitted out loud what I’m feeling about Gareth until that moment. Not even to myself.
I knew it was happening. Ifeelit happening. The excitement when he’s around, the disappointment when he’s gone. The way I look forward to him walking in the room.
The way I crave his kiss. His touch.
I’m falling. I’m catching feelings. It’s obvious, so stinking obvious, and now that I’ve said it, I can’t pretend like it’s not happening anymore.
I want him. I really, genuinely want him.
But it’s too late. He’s visiting the Crowleys and probably told them about the long-distance thing.
I made my choice and so did he.
Only I hate the way things are going, and I don’t know if I can turn back.
I want what they have. Brice and Kat, I want the babies, the husband, the life. Both of them seem so happy, so sure of themselves. It’s like they’re the women I’m striving to be, and instead of following my heart, I’m forcing myself down a path I’m not sure about.
Chasing after a dream job I don’t know will satisfy me.
Gareth gives me more than I ever dreamed about. Being with him makes me happy—and a job is only a job. There are a million more jobs out there.
There’s only one Gareth.
