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“Such as? You look well fed to me, and you have been bred to take the throne. I’m sure one day you shall take over from your father and you will lead this pride. You will know nothing but success.”
“Sometimes it feels as though I know nothing but failure,” he muttered. My ears pricked up. “It hasn’t been easy for me. Yes, I may not know a world like yours, and I may not know of pain like yours, but I have known what it’s like to struggle. I haven’t lived up to my potential. I can’t travel between worlds like Divad. I’m not as good a warrior as Naaro. All the lions know it, and I can sense them waiting with trepidation for my time on the throne to begin. I’m not sure it will be a long reign. Nobody has challenged Naaro, but I don’t think the same will be true for me, and when that happens, I’m not sure I can even withstand the challenge. I am not like other lions. My mother’s blood has thinned my strength. And I have to live with this every day of my life. I have to look into my parent’s eyes knowing that I am not good enough for them. I have to walk through Orestes knowing that I have not proven myself to anyone, and until I do, they are never going to have faith in me. And my one chance to do this was stolen from me, because you appeared from nowhere.”
“Well I’m sorry for ruining your chance to play at being a warrior, but if you want to fight then you fight because it’s the right thing to do, not because you think you can win. I can see that Naaro is a fine warrior, and that for the first time in a long time the odds are going to be against me, but I am not going to shy away from this challenge. I am not going to moan and complain, I am going to do something about it! I suppose that is the difference between you and I, Mika. When I’m faced with adversity, I don’t just complain about it. Maybe you’re right and your blood is not strong enough to lead this pride.”
The words were harsh and part of me regretted saying them as soon as they slipped out of my mouth, but I wanted to hurt him because he was the only member of his pride standing in front of me. It didn’t seem fair that they were free to live in Orestes while we struggled on our world, and I wanted him to feel the burden of it all. I wanted to get under his skin and make him squirm. And then, when the dawn sun rose, I would face his father in combat and represent the plight of my people, and I will hope for a positive outcome.
Mika’s eyes were black and his fists were clenched by his side. He trembled with anger and then turned on his heels and stormed out of the room, his footsteps stomping away. I turned back to the window and looked out at this strange world, thinking that it would be a good world to live in. But what other worlds were out there? In a way I wasn’t sure any of them mattered other than Orestes. This was the land of our ancestors, the land that my instincts recognized as home. If we were unwelcome here then what was the point in even calling us lions? We would have to rediscover our true purpose in the world. All through our lives we had heard so many grand stories about Orestes. Would I have to return to my people and tell them that these stories were all lies?
I suppose I would find out the truth of the matter when the morning arrived. I would face their leader in combat and test myself against him, and then I would see where I truly stand.
Chapter Seventeen
Mika
I stormed away from Ava, shaking with rage. All I wanted to do was help her and she kept throwing it back in my face! I went to a communal hall that the family shared where food had been laid out. I moved along the table and picked up bits and pieces of different foods, trying to figure out all the conflicting thoughts in my mind. A few moments later my mother, Emilia, entered. I was frustrated because I wanted to be alone.
“Did you manage to speak to her?” Emilia asked.
“I did, not that it did any good. Why did father have to accept her challenge? He could have denied her the right.”
“You know that lions have their ways,” she said.
“Sometimes these things don’t make sense to me.”
“They don’t always make sense to me either. I don’t know that they can really settle these differences through a fight, but I learned a long time ago that lions do things differently. It’s best to just trust the process and let them get on with it, even when it doesn’t seem fair. She’s a grown woman and she’s capable of making her own decisions. We must respect that.”
“All she wants is for her people to be safe. Would it be so bad to allow them passage here?”
Emilia sighed. “You weren’t born when the other pride invaded. At first, they seemed to be genuinely suffering as well, but they soon showed the truth. They wanted Orestes for themselves, and we almost lost it. If it hadn’t been for your grandfather’s sacrifice then they might have taken our home away from us and we would have been the ones to wander around the world, hoping that we would be able to find our true home again. We cannot allow that to happen. Prudence is required here.”
“But that doesn’t mean much for their people, does it? While we’re deciding their fate they’re suffering.”
Emilia nodded sadly. “Unfortunately, that is something you are going to have to deal with. These are the decisions that weigh on you as leader. One day you are going to have to cope with them yourself. There was a time when I never thought I would be a part of such important decisions. My old life was… inconsequential I suppose.”
“Perhaps that wasn’t such a bad thing,” I muttered.
“Why do you say that?”
I leaned on the table, keeping myself turned away from her. “I don’t know if I can be the one to make these decisions. I don’t know if I have it in me. I don’t know that I want it.”
Mom rose and came to stand beside me, putting her hand on my back. “I know you think that you are not capable, but that isn’t the case. You have the blood of lions in you. This is what you were born to do.”
“I don’t know that I feel that way anymore. I’ve been told that all my life, but it’s never seemed like it’s going to come true. I’ve been waiting for the day when everything is going to make sense, when I’m finally going to find my place in the world, but I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen. Even today I thought I was going to earn some respect by taking a trophy from Gargann, but that opportunity fell to someone else, someone who had more of a hunter’s instinct than I have. What use am I going to be as a leader when I have accomplished nothing that another lion has? If I wasn’t your child then I wouldn’t be in this position at all, I would just be down there, doing whatever task was required of me.” I gestured to the village below us. “Sometimes I envy them because their lives are simple. I don’t think I would have as much anguish if I was just allowed to lose myself in the crowd and live a life that was simpler. Am I not allowed that?”
“I know you don’t think that you can be a good leader, but that’s because you keep comparing yourself with others.”
“How can I not?” I said, cutting her off with sharp words. “I can’t walk through worlds like Divad. I can’t beat people in combat with as much ease as Naaro. I can’t lead hunting parties because my senses are not as sharp as others. In every aspect I come up short against other people, so how am I supposed to think of myself as anything worthwhile? How can I think of myself as a leader when you could pick any lion from the village and put them in the same position as me and know that they would do at least as good a job as I’m doing, but more likely an even better one.”
Her head bowed and her voice was low. “For one thing you are my son Mika, and that makes you the most special man in the world.” They were cheap words though, born of sentiment rather than anything based in reality. “But more than that, you have a good heart, and sometimes that is the most important thing of all. I remember when you were younger and you got upset at the plight of the animals being hunted, always worried about the pain that was being shared around the world. You have always tried to look to other people and understand how they feel because that is how keen your mind is. Your senses may not be able to hunt as well as other lions, but you can think about things in a way that none of them can. In a way I know it’s my fault. I know that my human heritage has made you weaker in some ways, but I like to think it has made you stronger as well. I like to think that your compassion and kindness comes from me, from your humanity. There are plenty of lions who can hunt. There are even other lions who can do what Divad can, but you can feel the pain of others. You can make it a part of yourself, and perhaps that is why you feel these things more greatly than other lions. It is a blessing and a curse, and I can only apologize,” she sighed then, a sigh that was heavy with regret. “I suppose I should apologize for many other things as well. If I was stronger then perhaps things would have been different.”
“In what way?”
A lump formed in her throat and she took a moment before she spoke again. When she did, I noticed that her voice trembled. “You could have had a brother or sister. Perhaps things could have been easier for you had you had someone there to share the burden, someone who could have understood your position in life. It certainly helped your fathers. I think that they assumed they would be having more than one child.”
“Why didn’t you?” I asked. In truth I had always wondered the same thing myself.
“I couldn’t take it,” she admitted. “The pregnancy with you was hard on my body. I almost died. I was so weak afterwards that your fathers had to hold you to my breast so that you could feast, because I was unable to do so. All I ever wanted was to take care of you, and I felt as though I had failed as a mother. Although I wanted other children, I knew it would not be possible, so I poured all my love into you and I am just so, so sorry that you are unhappy. It’s not what I wanted for you at all. But I do believe you have something to offer this pride Mika. I think you can be a leader, and there will be a moment for you to prove yourself. Sometimes these things do not come along as quickly as we would hope. I know that I had to wait a while for my life to start making sense.”
