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I’d never known what this felt like. Having girlfriends. I’d never had a dog either. I’d lived most of my life with Cayman as my only friend. While I loved these women and Millie, right now, I’d trade all four of them if Cay and I could be okay again.
23
CAYMAN
I’d gone from everyone wanting to talk to me—maybe not talk, but give me a talking to—topersona non gratain my own home.
Ares and Nem were the only two people staying in the main house, and I’d hardly seen them in the last two days outside of briefings. I’d seen less of those staying in the cottages, and I hadn’t seen Bexli at all. Nor had I heard from her.
All Nem would do was assure me she was safe, not at her parents’ house, and presently, wanted nothing to do with me.
It was no less than I deserved. I’d been a jackass, not that I could remember most of what I’d said. The time between my arrival at home and when I led the two horses back to the stable was a blur. Lack of sleep—when had I last? Adrenaline surges and frantic worry, well, they were all excuses, I supposed. Yet, they did play into my behavior with Bex. My anger, fueled by my absolute fear that I finally had her here with me only to turn around and lose her all over again, had resulted in my saying things I could hardly believe came out of my own mouth.
The worst part of it was that Bexli refused to talk to me. At least, according to Nem.
How in the bloody hell could I apologize, then?
The knock at the door sounded more like a man’s rather than Bexli’s, making me not want to answer. “Yes?” I called out.
It opened, and Poseidon came in. “The guys and I are going to the pub, Cay. Come with us.”
“Not in the mood, my friend.”
“Get your arse up, and quit feeling so bloody sorry for yourself.”
“Kai,do notpush this.”
“If I don’t, no one will. What you need right now is to toss back a few pints and let go of all the shit being hurled at you.”
My eyes opened wide. “Shit is being hurled at me?”
He pulled a chair over to the bed. “No one has asked my opinion, but I think Z and Nemesis are pushing you a little hard, don’t you? Ares too. No offense, my friend. You’re a great agent, but in less than two months, you’ve gone from doing your job over at MI5 to being tossed into a human trafficking task force—”
“I was hardly tossed.”
“Bear with me, here. You were sent out on some bloody hard ops. Jesus, you were the one who found all those people dead in the trailers. Where the fuck was Puck? In the SUV, sippin’ his tea with Nemesis?”
“They engaged when it was appropriate.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m not finished. Not even close.”
I sat up and folded my hands behind my head.
“Then you’re sent over to fucking Mexico to liberate more victims, and when the intel is bad on there, you’re sent back to the UK to liberate ten shipping containers full of God knew what.” He shook his head. “Bulgaria? Turkey? Fuck, Cay, how many lives were saved on those two missions? A couple thousand?”
“I didn’t do any of it alone, mate.”
“Maybe not, but what Marchand did was wrong. He put both you and Nemesis on the spot. If I were the commander of the entire bloody coalition, I sure as fuck wouldn’t have put you in charge of your first mission as CO when everyone knew how you felt about Bexli. It was a terrible decision, and if weeverhave a bloody hot wash, I’ll let my opinion be known. In fact, the more I think about it, the more determined I am to confront Z and Nem about it.”
“Kai, please—”
“What would have happened to us, to me, if you hadn’t figured out it was a trap, Cay?” His eyes filled with tears. “I’d be dead. We’d all be dead. If it weren’t for you, Bexli would be dead too. Her father probably would’ve hit her one time too many, years ago.”
“If you’re trying to make me feel better—”
“I’m not! You’re missing the point. I know you’re up here, beating yourself up over what happened with Bexli. I get it. And it’s justified.”
“The things I said were not.”
