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“I feel so... disconnected. Even the wedding that you and Damien are having is nothing like what it was years ago.”
“Too much?” she questioned.
“No. It’s...how truly joyful it all is. We had weddings, but in private and usually at home with parents to witness. Poverty was only one reason, the other was, you never wanted to be in the spotlight. It drew unwanted attention from the government and police. If you were happy, they strived to change that. Now, you have the president of Tabiq attending your wedding. Can you see how one could lose some sleep?” I asked.
“Definitely. Maybe having it here in Tabiq was a mistake. I never thought how it would affect you. I thought...I thought that you would want to be here. I mean, your parents and other relatives were ecstatic to see you”
“And I am thrilled to see them all too.”Just wish I didn’t feel guilty for running away with you without ever saying goodbye. Without ever letting them know we were okay.
“But if I hadn’t searched so hard to find the rest of our family. We wouldn’t be here now,” she sighed. “You would still be happy back in Canada.”
Giving her hand a squeeze, I said, “And you never would’ve found Damien. Life comes with many bumps and twists, but eventually, the roads lead you to where you belong if you let them.”
“Mom, is this where you belong?”
“Of course. Where else would I be but besides you while you get married?”
“I mean, after. If you wanted to go back to Canada, I’d understand. Or if you wanted to move in with me and Damien in New York, I’m sure he’d be okay with that too.”
I laughed. “MaKayla, no man, especially a newlywed, wants his mother-in-law living with him. And even if he did, I want to be here in Tabiq. It’s just going to take some time for me to get used to being alone.”
I appreciated my daughter and how much she cared about me, she had a lot of changes going on in her life as well. A lot of new things to learn. Like right now it was time to think of her and Damien and their future and to stop worrying about me.
“You don’t have to be alone, Mom. You’re only forty-five,” she stated.
“Approaching forty-six,” I reminded her.
“Still young. There is no reason why you can’t meet someone and have what Damien and I have,” she said.
The last thing I needed was for my daughter to try setting me up. What was even more painful was the fact I’d never been on an actual date. It wasn’t as though I had dated her father. Our union wasn’t one that either of us had wished for and had never shared the details about it with another living soul. It was horrible and I hadn’t been willing. It was the way things were back then. A woman was sold and no one was there to stop it. I could spend my life hating Michael for what he’d done to me, but he hated himself enough for both of us. And that horrible night had resulted in the one thing that was more precious to me than life itself. My daughter, MaKayla.
But being a mother was all I thought about. Protecting her from Michael's father was my priority, as well as Michaels’s. Up until now, I had dedicated my life to her and never allowed myself to think about life like other women had. A lover, a boyfriend, or even a husband. None ever. It had been just me and MaKayla since I was eighteen and that was okay with me. If I could go that long without a man in my life, there was no point changing it now. “The next stage in my life will be as a grandmother, not as someone's wife,” I stated firmly.
I was hoping she’d take the hint about starting a family, but unfortunately, she let that slip by.
“Because you don’t want it, or you don’t believe there is someone out there for you?” she continued with her questions.
Turning my eyes away, I closed them briefly and recalled his face. Young. Handsome. Reddish-brown hair with dark green, kind eyes. But I’ll never see those eyes again. All he would ever be, was a treasured memory. A memory of a time when I had desperately needed a friend, a confidant. Someone who didn’t ask questions, and just let me talk when I had been ready and willing. He had been all that for me. But even with all that, it was best never to speak of it. It would do no good, and maybe worse, it could do harm.
“You haven’t answered the question. I assume that there is someone. Is he back in Canada or maybe the U.S.?” she asked. I shook my head, then shrugged. “Which is it? Yes, or no?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
She looked even more puzzled than before. “You’re thinking about a man and you have no idea where he’s from? That sounds very...mysterious. Just the type of thing that will keep me from overthinking and worrying about wedding details.”
And worrying about me instead. No. That’s not going to happen.
“How did you meet? On the internet? Maybe a singles website?” she prodded.
This was too much. “Of course not.”
“Well Mom, you do spend a lot of time on the computer,” she replied.
“Working, not any of that swiping business.”
“Yes. Too much work and not enough play. A swipe or two couldn’t hurt. So, tell me about him,” she insisted, leaning back in her chair as though making herself comfortable for some exciting story she was about to hear.
Gonna be disappointed. Not much to tell.
