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Again, he crouched before me, hands on my thighs as he stared at me eye level. “You lied to me. You didn’t need air. Needing air doesn’t cause the kind of fear I felt. Talk to me, mate.”
I blew out a breath, two tears sliding down my cheeks. Ajax swiped them away.
“I forgot a word,” I said, and his eyes widened. “While talking to the girls, I forgot the word advice. Advice, Ajax.”
Understanding flickered over his features. “I’m sorry,” he said. “We knew that was a possibility. And you’re okay now? No headaches or nausea?”
“Two of Valor’s signature cocktails have me feeling pretty loose,” I tried to deflect, but my giant of a mate wasn’t buying it for a second. I swallowed hard. “I’m weak. I can feel the difference despite doing everything to fuel my body properly.” Thanks to Alek’s incredibly talented chef and staff, I had been eating the best diet to help increase longevity anyone had ever seen. I couldn’t thank them enough and always made a point to seek them out and compliment them on the meals they prepared for me…but it wasn’t enough. “Ajax, I think it’s going to happen sooner than we thought.”
“Baby, don’t say that,” he said, sliding his hands up into my hair, cradling my head as he gently pressed his lips to mine. “You have time. We have time.” Suddenly, even the insects silenced around us, and I felt Ajax’s power as he paused time.
“Just because you can stop time doesn’t mean you can stop what’s happening to me,” I said, leaning my forehead against his. “Stopping it does nothing to slow what’s killing me.”
Ajax’s brow furrowed against mine, a battle raging behind his eyes. “Tell me what you need,” he said. “Tell me how to help you.”
“You know how to help me,” I whispered, and he pulled away from me, releasing me as he paced to the other side of the gazebo, the silver moonlight casting him in a brilliant glow.
“That’s not helping you,” he growled. “That’s killing you sooner. That’s stealing what little time you have left!” His chest rose and fell rapidly, and if it wasn’t for the absolute devastation in his eyes, the helplessness, I would’ve geared up for a fight. But it was so real and raw, I couldn’t argue with him.
Instead, I rose on shaky feet, crossing the distance between us as I reached for him. He instantly held me against him, supporting my weight so I didn’t have to strain. He brought me up to his eye level without effort, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I’m not trying to fight with you,” I assured him, never losing his gaze. My heart swelled with what I felt for him, with what I felt slipping away from us like sand through a glass. “Ajax, I just want you to be prepared. I don’t know when it’ll happen. I could fall asleep and—”
“Please don’t say it,” he begged, holding me tighter. “I can’t…Grace, I can’t…”
“You have to,” I said. He had to come to terms with it. “Especially if you’re intent on not trying to transition me, you have to make peace with the fact that any moment now could be our last.” The words tangled in my throat, threatening to break my own heart.
“I can’t steal the life you have left. You know why I can’t.”
Because if he did try and it made me worse, he’d never forgive himself. I understood his side of it, truly I did. And honestly, I was too exhausted to fight my side. I didn’t have the energy left, and that terrified me.
“Ajax,” I said, holding his gaze. “I need you to know something. In case…” My words trailed off, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “I love you,” I said, the words freeing. “I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you. I love the way you see the world and I love the way you make me feel like I can do anything. I love the way your touch makes me come alive and I love the way you make me laugh. I love the way you are with your family, and I just wish…” Tears lined my eyes, and shimmered in his as well. “I just wish I would’ve found you sooner, so we would’ve had more time.” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “And I need you to know that all of that…everything I just said, happened long before the mating mark ever showed up.”
Something like a groan rumbled in his chest.
“I love you too,” he said on an exhale, and my heart expanded in my chest. He kissed me, hungry and fast, before pulling back. “I love your heart, your mind, your soul. I love every piece of you, Grace. I’ve lived almost a thousand years, and you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Another tear slipped free, but Ajax swiped it away before claiming my mouth in a carnal kiss that awakened every inch of my soul. His tongue swept into my mouth, demanding and giving, stroking me until I was trembling against him.
With uncanny speed, he spun us, shifting so I was straddling him as he sat on the bench. I broke our kiss, gasping as he slid his hands beneath my shirt, cupping my breasts and pinching my nipples until they were pert for him.
I rocked against him, his hard length hot beneath my leggings.
Ajax reclaimed my mouth, the kiss a tangle of tongues and teeth, only breaking to shed clothes. I’d barely taken my leggings off before he settled me atop him again, his cock sliding through my already slick heat.
“Fuck, Grace,” he said, hissing against the sensation. “You’re so wet for me already.”
“I always need you,” I said, rocking over him before I shimmied off his lap, dropping to my knees and taking him into my mouth so fast he jolted, his hips thrusting him deeper inside.
“Fuck,” he said again as I bobbed up and down, swirling my tongue over the head of his cock, licking the precome that beaded there. He groaned, arching back against the bench as I sucked him, and heat sparked along the edges of my skin at the power I felt. The intensity of making a vampire like him writhe with pleasure.
I loved him.
I loved him so much it fucking hurt.
And he needed to see that, know that, feel that.
“Grace,” he growled, gently lifting me after a moment. He sprang free of my mouth, the motion jarring me as he pulled me back into his lap. “I love you,” he said the words again, the same warm sensation spreading in my chest with the declaration.
