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“Oh my god, it’s Lex Ryan! Lex, can I have an autograph?” One woman brazenly thrusts a crinkled receipt and a pen in my face.
“Don’t be so desperate, Anna!” Grace smacks her hand down, causing the pen and paper to fly out of her grasp.
“Actually, Lex is my brother.” I lean down to pick up her pen, and hand it back to her.
“Ah! It’s his identical brother. Thegayone,” a woman behind me in line whispers loudly. I get mistaken for Lex, my identical twin, a lot. Unfortunately, because he’s the lead guitarist for the hottest country band in the United States, it’s not easy for me to go out in public without women and men thinking I’m him. We both have black hair, blue eyes, and the Celtic cross tattooed on our arms. But you can tell us apart because my brother has‘Sunshine’tattooed on his inner wrist for his wife Sarah and I have‘TJ’scripted behind my ear.
“I’ve always wanted a gay guy friend,” pumpkin-spice-latte Jennifer says wistfully.
“Me too!” a woman chimes from the back.
“That’s nice.” I grin, but it feels more like a grimace.Shite, this is my worst feckin’ nightmare. Where is TJ when I need him?
“He looks just like Lex. It’s uncanny. I didn’t realize he was the father.” A voluptuous brunette squeezes her way into the throng of women to get a closer look.What in the bloody hell is taking the teacher so long to release these kids?“Maybe our kids could have a playdate? Here’s my number.” A piece of paper is shoved into the back pocket of my jeans with a little extra squeeze.
“What’s it like being a gay dad?” Jennifer asks.
“Oh uh, they aren’t—”
“Jennifer, you can’t ask himthat.” Grace frowns.
“But I bet it’s really hard. What will you do when Alexis has issues that men don’t know anything about, like getting her period? What are you going to do then? It’s not natural for her not to have a mom.”
Jesus, help me. “She has a—”
“Poor thing, she can always come to me with questions,” the woman in back says.
“She’s four!” I blurt out.
“He’s clueless.” Another mom shakes her head. “What’s going to happen to Wyatt when he says he has two dads?”
“Absolutely fucking nothing,” I grind out.
“Wow, potty mouth on that one. Let’s hope the other dad is more sensitive.” They all nod sagely, their lips pursed. I’m itching to go hide in the jacks until school is out. I run my finger along the collar of my sweater and tug on it.
“Wait, isn’t he married to TJ?” someone asks behind me. “I’m confused. Are the twins theirs?”
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I’m drowning right now, trapped, and I can barely get a word in to explain to thesegeebagsthat I’m not the twins’ parent. I just want to get to the preschool room door, grab the kids, and be on me fecking way.
“Out of my way, skanks.” TJ pushes his way through the women circling me. “Halloween’s over, bitches, put your broomsticks away.”
“Where’ve ye been?” I grab his arm and hang on for dear life.
“TJ, is this your husband? He’s delicious!” the brunette preens.
“Back off, Trish, he only likes dick.”
Someone gasps then whispers, “I told you.”
“I thought ye were getting Chase and Drew?” I ask.
“They’re still out on the playground, so I thought I’d help you fight off the vultures.” TJ winks.
“Hey TJ, playdate next week?” Jennifer asks.
“Let me check my planner.” He takes his index finger and pretends to leaf through an imaginary planner while Jennifer eagerly awaits. “Yeah, no can do-sey. I’m all booked until the end of summer.”
“Darn, maybe next year.” Jennifer pouts and I wonder how many lattes she’s consumed this morning.
