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“Do ye know these women?” I ask.
“TJ, don’t forget the PTO meeting next week. You’re in charge of cupcakes,” Grace says, her beady eyes raking over us.
“I know, Grace. I got your twenty emails reminding me.” TJ grabs Wyatt’s backpack from her hands and rolls his eyes, whispering to me, “She’s a tiger mom. Stay clear of that one.”
“Why are ye on the PTO?” I look at him incredulously. How the hell did I not know how involved TJ was with the twins’ and Kiki’s kids’ schooling?
“Kiki volunteered me last time I came to help her pick up the kids, but I don’t mind. Preschool gossip islit. Did you know they have a private Facebook group? It’s like an underground fight club at this school. Everyone is constantly stabbing each other in the back. It’s seriously the shnizzle.”
“Please don’t get any ideas,” I grumble as we step toward the teacher. “I can easily picture ye organizing a fight club for preschool moms.”
A middle-aged jovial woman walks to the door from inside the classroom. “Hi, you must be Connor, the twins’ uncle. I’m Debbie, their teacher. TJ, looking posh as ever!” Debbie fawns over TJ before air-kissing him.
“Thanks, Debbie. Had to look my best for my gal! Love the festive fall sweater. So fab.”
Debbie titters and blushes, smacking TJ playfully on the arm.
“Sarah wanted me to ask how the kids were today?” I interrupt the strange little love fest happening between Debbie and TJ.
“Oh, they were…um…better than yesterday. Alexis, as always, was quite inquisitive. She’s going to be a cross-examiner one day.” Debbie chuckles. “But our attention was mainly focused on Wyatt because he cried the whole time.”
“Sounds about right.” TJ bends down and scoops Alexis into his arms. She hugs his neck and kisses his cheek. It makes my heart melt. I take Wyatt by the hand as he sniffles.
“Thanks, Debbie. Hey buddy, rough day?” Wyatt nods and rubs his hand over his nose. It breaks my heart that he has so much anxiety at school. “Maybe we can go to—”
“Rahhhhhh! Uncle Teeeeee-J. Uncle Cooooco!”
“Chase Reed! Get back in line this instant!” a teacher shouts from down the hall.
Kiki’s eldest bulldozes past the moms standing in line, right into my legs, and wraps his arms around them, almost taking me down.
“We’ve got him, Meg!” TJ calls to the teacher wearing a sour expression, standing with her hands on her hips. She shakes her head and follows the rest of the kids into her classroom.
“Hey, little dude. Next time, do what your teacher asks you to do, okay?” I pat his back.
“I want lunch!” Chase screams as I grab his hand. “McDonald’s!”
“He’s like a little pterodactyl.” TJ laughs as we turn to leave. “You know the drill, Chase. We need to pick up Drew from the threes’ room and then we can get lunch.”
“You’re not actually going to feed him McDonald’s, are you?” Grace wrinkles her nose. I forgot she was still standing next to us. “Studies have shown that fast food is the number one culprit of obesity in children.”
“Well, Grace, not that it’s any of your biz, but yes, we are getting them McDonald’s and then we’re going to make them run a mile until they puke it up. That way, everyone wins.”
I struggle not to laugh as TJ pulls me along, leaving Grace sputtering.
“TJ, call me!” Pumpkin-spice Jennifer bounces on her feet. He waves without turning around.
“I hate those bitches. They only want a token gay friend. I can spot their desperation a mile away. And Grace trying to act all high and mighty, like she’s fucking mom of the year.”
“I hate those bitches!” Alexis pipes up.
I glance at TJ and we both cough into our fists, smothering our laughter. I let go of Chase’s hand and touch her cheek to get her attention. “Alexis, ye can’t repeat those words to yer mum and da. They aren’t nice to say.” I try saying it in a serious tone.
“Then why did Uncle TJ say them?”
“Because some people, sweetie, are a nuisance and deserve to be called out on it,” TJ explains.
“What does noosend mean?”
