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“Then we use condoms.”
“Do you know how much better sex without a condom is?” I demanded.
“Yeah. I was there, like, three minutes ago. It’s light-years better.”
“Well, now I know what I’ve been missing too,” I said. “You expect me to go back to sex with a condom when I’ve just had the real deal?”
His lips twitched.
I rolled my eyes and pressed my finger to the corner of his mouth. “Smile. It’s okay. I know you want to.”
Viper cracked a grin.
“Better,” I whispered. “You’re handsome when you smile.”
“So then, if you want to have sex without condoms, then this isn’t about you getting pregnant, is it? This is about something else,” Viper said.
I sighed. “No, it’s not really about the baby thing. Though make no mistake, I’m not ready for that. I wouldn’t be ready for that even if there wasn’t a looming cartel war. Okay?”
“Okay. Then what’s this about?”
“I’m not ready to lose you,” I admitted. “How’s that for honesty?”
“You want to talk honestly? Christ, I just admitted I hadn’t fucked a woman in over five years.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“But—why? I would have thought most men who just got out of prison would’ve been fucking anything that walked.”
“I could’ve done that. But I didn’t.”
“Why were you honest about that with me?” I asked softly. “You could’ve kept that to yourself.”
“For the same reason you just told me you’re not ready to lose me. That’s what you’re really scared of, isn’t it? You’re terrified I’m going to die in this cartel war.”
“It’s so horrible I can’t even think about it. My life wasn’t much before I met you, but it was simple and not…violent.”
“Fuck, Sutton. I don’t want to die either. But this is the life I chose.”
“I know,” I murmured.
“I thought you and I were just going to roll in the hay a few times and then be done. You’d go back to your life, and I’d go back to mine. That’s not looking like much of an option now though, is it?”
I shook my head. “It definitely isn’t.”
“So, you gotta decide what you want. A life with me and all the shit that could mean. Or you can walk away. You cash your insurance check, buy that car, and hightail it out of here.”
“And do what?” I asked. “Go to another city? Get another waitressing job? Getoveryou? Damn it, Viper. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to leave you.”
“Then be my Old Lady,” he said. “For real. Until one of us takes our last breath. However long that is. Three days, three years, or thirty…who the hell knows. None of us know how long we have. I’m asking you to live whatever time we’ve got left as my Old Lady.”
I swallowed. “Isn’t it too soon?”
“Too soon? Baby, from the minute we’re born, we’re dying. Fuck time. Fuck it all. Let’s just be together.”
Tears I never allowed myself to shed suddenly came bubbling to the surface.
