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The words slice through the last of his defenses, and he hangs his head. “Let me think for a minute. Let me find a solution.”
A solution. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so close to having a full-blown breakdown right here. Right now. Doesn’t he get it? She’s pushing him into a corner, leveraging their relationship to get what she wants. She won’t back down from it. Not if she realizes how much power she has over him. And if he breaks up with me? It won’t fix anything. It won’t mend their relationship. He has to see it.
Doesn’t he?
“There isn’t a solution,” I choke out. “Not one that lets you have your cake and eat it too.”
He shakes his head, determined to keep the truth from sinking into his stubborn bones. “Let me think.” He paces slowly. Back and forth. Back and forth. “Maybe we can keep this under the radar for a bit. Only for a little while. Until I can talk to her. Until she can see I’m not the guy her mother painted me to be. We’ll keep our relationship under wraps for a little while. It’ll be fine.”
“You know what’s crazy, Mack?” My tears clog my throat, and he stops pacing, standing in front of me. “I was broken before we met. So fucking broken. If Hazel would’ve approached me then, I would’ve walked away. I wouldn’t have even tried fighting for you because I didn't think I was worth it.”
I reach up and touch the side of his face, refusing to acknowledge it might be the last time I’m allowed to do so. His five o’clock shadow tickles my fingertips, and I almost smile. “But we met, and you showed me I’m worth it. I’m worth the effort. I’m worth the inconveniences. You put me back together, Mack.” My voice cracks on a sob, and I wipe at my tears. “You put me back together, and yet, here I am, asking you––begging you––to pick me. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when it isn’t fair. Because I’m worth it. Because you love me. Because I’m not broken. And Iknowit isn’t fair,” I repeat. “But this isn’t on me. It’s on Hazel. She shouldn’t have the power to decide who you do or don’t date. She’s a fucking adult, Macklin. An adult who’s still listening to her stupid mom, letting her warp Hazel’s perspective of you and now me. I’m begging you, Mack. Please don’t let her do this to you. Don’t let her come between us. Don’t let her ruin what we have. Don’t give me up. Don’t break me. Please. Please don’t break me.” I’m rambling. I know I am, but I can't stop. I can’t stop pleading my case. I can’t stop begging him to see things from my point of view. Because if I do, I’m terrified I’ll lose him. I’m terrified I’ll lose the potential future we could’ve had together. The future I know we would’ve had together if given a chance.
“I’m not asking you to choose,” I continue. “I’m asking you to stand up to her. To stand up to your ex, who we both know is pulling the strings. I’m asking you to set boundaries and stand up for what you want. Because I know you want me. I know you could maybe even love me one day. And do you want to know how I know it, Mack?”
He squeezes his eyes shut but rasps, “How?”
“Because you’ve shown me I’m lovable. And I know you love your daughters, and I know you deserve to have a relationship with them. Iwantyou to have a relationship with them, Mack. More than anything, I do, but this isn’t fair. You can’t let them control you. Youcan’t.”
My chest heaves with a sob, but I choke it back and stare at the ceiling as a stream of tears cascades down my cheeks and drips off my chin. There’s no point wiping them away. They’ll only be replaced with more. And there’s no point hiding how broken I feel, either. Not now. Not anymore. Because if I’ve learned anything from my relationship with Mack, it’s that I’m allowed to feel. I’m allowed to be vulnerable. I’m allowed to fight for what I want instead of taking it on the chin and slinking back to my own cave of loneliness I’ve been shrouded in since my initial diagnosis.
“You’re killing me, Kate.” He watches the tears fall down my face, but he doesn’t reach out and wipe them away. He doesn’t tell me everything’s going to be okay. He simply watches me. My pain. My fears. As if his hands are tied when they aren’t. Why can’t he see it?
I laugh dryly and shake my head, wiping beneath my nose with the back of my hand. “Ditto.”
Tortured, he paces back and forth again like he’s too amped up to stand still. His hand runs over his face, then pinches the bridge of his nose.
Clearly, I’m not the only one close to breaking, but the situation isn’t exactly in my favor, either.
“I don’t want to choose,” he grits out. “You can’t ask me to choose.”
“They’re the ones asking you to choose!” I yell. The last of my restraint finally snaps as I wave my hand through the air. “I don’t want you to pick. You shouldn’t have to pick.”
“But I do!” he returns. “They’ve left me no choice!”
“There’s always a choice, Mack. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for me. Don’t let them push you around. Set boundaries. Tell them you love me. You’re an adult, Mack. You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to have a relationship with your daughtersandyour girlfriend. What they’re doing? It isn’t fair.”
“You think I don’t know how unfair this is?” he snaps. “You think I’m not dying inside at the idea of losing you?”
“You don’t have to, though.”
“At what expense, Kate?” he rasps. His head hangs low, and his shoulders hunch. “At what expense?”
“I don’t know, Mack.” I inch closer to him, my fingers brushing against the zipper on his coat. I want to touch him. I want to hold him. I want to cry on his shoulder and feel his arms around me. Sliding my hands higher, I place my hand on his heart, the unsteadythump-thumpmatching my own.
“But it shouldn’t be at your expense, and it sure as hell shouldn’t be at mine.” I drop my hand and release a slow, shuddered breath. “Let me know what you decide. I’ll respect your decision, whatever it is. I promise.”
“Wait.” He grabs my wrist, holding me in place.
“I’m not going to hide our relationship.” I gently tug myself from his grasp. “I deserve more than that. And so do you.”
I walk away and pull out my phone, praying Ash or Blake is still here so I can catch a ride with one of them. If not, I’ll walk if I have to, but there’s no way I’m turning around and walking back to Mack.
If I do, I’ll cave.
And I’m stronger than that.
Aren’t I?
