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“You couldn’t be more wrong kid. You’re not a burden. I need you to trust me. Trust us. Let’s just talk to them?” She gives me a small nod the sniffs as she wraps her arms around me.
* * *
“Sir, Vincenzo was spotted down the docks tonight. He was seen paying two of our men down there. We haven’t picked the men up yet. I wanted to talk to you first.” Rob doesn’t flinch as I heave out a sigh, “those men both have families, just talk to them find out what they know. Scare them a little. If you feel like you’re not getting the full story, or you sense anything is off then take them to the warehouse.” With a small nod, he turns on his heel and leaves.
I tip my head back on the chair and run my hands through my hair. Everything is turning to shit, and I am so God dammed tired but I know I won’t be able to sleep. I need a release. Picking up my phone I shoot off a text to Maxim. Before he has a chance to reply I hit call.
“Hey handsome.” She answers on the second ring, and I know she’s smiling I can hear it in the tone of her voice.
“Hey gorgeous. I’m not gonna be home tonight, I have some work to do.”
I hear the worry and disappointment in her voice, “baby. You really should take a day off you need some rest.”
She’s right. I do need a day off. Hell, I need a month off. But I just can’t rest right now. I have too much to do. And knowing that Vincenzo and Liam are out there, and my family are at risk weighs too heavily on me. “I’ll get some rest Bell’s I promise gorgeous. Just not yet. Are you going to be ok tonight?”
“Yeah baby. I’ll be fine. Go to work and I’ll see you soon. I love you handsome.”
“I love you too.” Ending the call, I see Maxim has replied, telling me he has something to help me relieve some tension. I shoot off a message telling him I’m on my way then grab my keys and head out.
Chapter 13
I’ve spent the last two hours tossing and turning. I love this house, but I hate it when Killian isn’t here, it’s way too big. It feels empty when he’s not here. Giving up on sleep, I climb out of bed grabbing Killian’s hoody and head to the kitchen to make some hot tea.
I drum my fingers on the marble top counter watching the kettle on the stove. My mind playing over the phone call from my Dad earlier. I wondered how long it would be before he asked me for money. I’m genuinely surprised it took him almost three months to ask this time he normally asks right off the bat.
The kettle whistles letting me know it’s done I remove it from the stove and fill my cup before heading to the front room. Flicking on the TV, I grab my laptop, curl my legs under me on the sofa, and settle in to do some work.
Three hours later I’m still working listening to music on the tv when I hear Killian unlock the front door. I save my work, dropping the laptop onto the sofa and head out into the hall to greet him. I stop in my tracks when I see him, his tired eyes find mine surprise flashing across his face. I hold my breath when I see his suit covered in blood. My eyes rake over his body making sure he’s not hurt. Before I’ve even finished checking him out, he’s on me shaking his head. “It’s not mine baby.” I feel relieved but don’t say anything. I grab his hand and lead him upstairs.
I turn on the shower and then spin to face him. He looks so defeated, broken. His head dipped, I place my fingers under his chin and lift his head to look at me. His beautiful brown eyes now tired, have lost their sparkle. I place a gentle kiss on his lips as I place my hands on his shoulders underneath his suit jacket sliding it off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. I unbutton his shirt and drop it where his jacket fell before moving to his pants. He watches every move I make but he doesn’t do anything to stop me. Once he’s stripped of his clothes I watch him watching me as I strip out of his hoody and my sleep shorts. He swallows, and I see the desire in his eyes, but it’s overshadowed by tiredness.
His steps are slow and tentative as I pull him into the shower, pushing him under the spray. He closes his eyes as the water cascades down his body reaching for the sponge, I cover it in his shower gel and lather it up. Spinning him so he has his back to me. He rolls his shoulders as I rub the sponge back and forth over them and down each arm. Moving across to his back I feel his muscles begin to relax. I move around his front and repeat the movements across his chest and torso. He takes several deep breaths and as I look up, I see his head dipped, his chin almost touching his chest. I drop the sponge onto the floor of the shower when I see a silent tear fall down his face.
“Baby?” I grab his face forcing him to look at me. He gives a small shake and tries to pull away from me, but I grip his face tighter. Knowing he’s not ready to talk, I pick up the sponge and continue to wash his body. After cleaning his hair, he steps aside to let me wash. His eyes track my hands, but he makes no move to do anything.
Finally climbing into bed he pulls me into him. I hear his heart racing as I place my head over his chest. His arms wrap around me, and I hear him breathe in my scent. I love when he does that, I know it’s his way of calming himself.
“I don’t know what I’m doing Bells.” I stay quiet knowing if I question him that he’ll clam up and won’t talk to me at all. He’s silent for several minutes and I don’t think he’s going to say any more, but he takes a breath then starts talking again.
“I let him down. I failed him. I knew he was looking into things, but I didn’t push him for answers. I should have. Maybe if I had he would have still been here. And then there’s Niamh. I knew she wasn’t herself. But I didn’t realise how much she was struggling. Seamus was the one who worked it out. He was the one who realised that Niamh needed help. Not me. I promised her that I wouldn’t tell the family, but I can’t keep it from you Bell’s I need to talk to someone. I need that someone to be you. She’s struggling to cope with everything, so we got her into therapy a few days ago. How did I miss that my baby sister was struggling? I’m fucking everything up.”
I gently pull myself from his tight grasp, just enough to rest my arms on his chest to face him. “I don’t think you are fucking anything up babe. You’ve not had the easiest of lives. And I think the last few years are starting to take their toll on you. And I think that you’re simply human. You didn’t know that Niamh was struggling because she didn’t want you to know. And we both know that no matter how hard you pushed, Rory would never have told you anything. Not until he was ready too.
“I love you handsome but beating yourself up over things you had no control over isn’t a solution. You’re torturing yourself when you should be giving yourself credit.” His eyes soften as his lips curve slightly.
“I know how hard things have been for you since you lost your Dad. And I have watched you spend your life fighting against your destiny. But Rory was right, this Syndicate belongs to you. You were born to be in charge, you were born to lead. Stop fighting it and embrace it. And when it all gets just a little too much, I’ll be right there by your side when you need me.”
He leans down kissing me and effectively stopping me mid-speech. Moving his head back slightly, he smiles down at me and then pulls me into him. “I love you gorgeous. Thank you for loving me the way that you do.” He drops his head back onto the pillow and closes his eyes. His hand rubs up and down my back, as I rest my head on my hand looking up at him. He falls asleep within a couple of minutes while I lie awake for hours watching him finally get some sleep. I don’t know if his body has accepted it needs sleep or if it was getting something off his chest. But either way, I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he’s finally resting.
Chapter 14
Four solid hours I slept last night. I think that’s the most I’ve had in months. I woke up to Bella still laying on my chest. I laid there for another hour just holding her. I love having her here. Knowing I get to come home to her every night.
I didn’t mean to offload anything on her last night, but it felt like such a relief getting some of it off my chest. I’m glad I told her about Niamh too. They’ve always been pretty close, and I know Niamh was worried about telling Alex what was going on without telling Bella. I told her Bell’s would understand, but she wanted me to give her a bit of a heads up. She wants to be able to share the details with them herself, but she did want me to at least give Bell’s an idea that something was going on.
I told my woman to expect a call from Niamh today. She was telling Alex and Connor last night and was hoping to go out for lunch with the girls today. I’m un-wrapping my hands when the door to the gym opens, and Connor comes storming toward me.
“So, were you going to bother telling us about Niamh? She came round last night to have a conversation with us. She said that you thought Alex would be a good person for her to talk to. What the fuck brother? You why didn’t you tell us?” He stops right in front of me, his hands balled into fists at his side. I knew he’d be pissed. And if he’s pissed then Ronan is going to be crazed.
