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“Con. It wasn’t my choice to keep it from anyone. I wanted to tell you. I want to tell you all, but Niamh isn’t ready for that. She needs to do it in her own time. And the only reason I suggested having Alex is because I’m worried about the times that I won’t be there. I don’t want to risk her needing someone and her not being able to get hold of me. I understand that you’re pissed at me. But it’s about what’s right for her. None of us saw how bad she was, none of us realised how much she is struggling.” He turns and leans against the weight machine next to me.
Shaking his head he looks around the gym and then back at me. “I’m sorry Kill. I just felt blindsided last night when she told us. And then when she said that you knew I felt like you were keeping me in the dark. I guess me taking a bit of a step back has me on edge.”
I grab my water and towel and head into the changing room. Connor hot on my heel. “I’m not keeping anything from you. I will always tell you everything. And just because you’re not doing the running doesn’t mean you’re in the dark. Money is what you’re good at. Rory is right, we should play to our strength and you brother can make us a shit load of money. You will always have a place at my side. We are equals in this Syndicate each and every one of us. We all just have different roles to play. And I promise you that the big decisions will still be made together. As a unit. Keeping Niamh’s secret is what she needs nothing else. So, we do this for her and we tell the others only when she’s ready. Fuck brother I only told Bell’s she was struggling last night. And the only reason I told her was because Niamh told me I could. Let me shower then we can head to the club. Maxim reckons he knows where some of our shipment is.”
Two hours later and we’re sitting in our SUV at the docks. Connor and I watch three guys unload our weapons from one container into a truck parked inside the gates. I’m ready to head in there and spill some blood but these are Maxim's men and out of respect we’re waiting for him. We called Ronan and Finn on our way over here, and they headed to the warehouse to set up for our guests. I lean forward and squint my eyes as a figure makes its way around the back of the truck to talk to one of Maxim’s men. “Son-of-a-bitch.” I bite out. I feel Connor shift and I turn to look at him and then point to the figure. “Fucker,” he spits when he sees who it is. My blood boils one of our own men stands shaking hands with one of Maxim’s men. We really are being betrayed by our own. I’m getting tired of trying to figure out who we can trust and who we can’t. “Maybe it’s time we cleaned our books Con. Start fresh?”
“You really want to start out with a whole new crew? I know we’re having a few issues, but to start again is messy man. And a whole lotta work.”
I sigh, “I know, I know. I’m just tired of these fuckers turning on us. What the fuck is Liam offering them to make them turn. Some of these guys have been with us for years.”
He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have the answers any more than I do. By the time Maxim arrives ten minutes later, another one of our men has turned up and our tempers are at boiling point.
Following him into the dock, we are followed by four of his men and four of ours that we know we can trust, we box in the fuckers. They are so wrapped up in whatever they are talking about they don’t realise they are surrounded until it’s too late. Connor and I have our guns fixed on our own men. I smirk as their faces pale at the realisation that they’ve been caught hits them. I point the tip of my gun to the floor indicating for them to get on their knees. Maxim’s men come up behind them pushing them to the floor and tying their hands behind their backs. We don’t move as we watch them being gagged and hooded and thrown into the back of the van brought by Maxim. We give the nod, and the vans pull out. Conor and I take a minute before following them back to the warehouse.
Chapter 15
I wring my hands together, I’m on edge and a wave of sickness washes over me. I know I told Alex what was going on last night, and I know Killian told Bella I was going through something. He said he wouldn’t give her details that it was up to me to tell her what I wanted. But now that I know they are both on their way here my anxiety is through the roof. I sip my water as my fingers on my other hand tap on the table. I can’t do this. They are going to think I’m pathetic. I slam my glass down and grab my coat and take off for the door. Just as I open the door I run right into Alex, “woah, easy there. Where you running off to?” Her smile fades when she realises that’s exactly what I was doing.
“Niamh. Just take a breath. Then turn around and walk back to the table. That’s it. That’s all I’m asking you to do.” She gently holds onto my arm, and I nod as she guides me back to the table I just vacated. She heads to the counter as I take a seat. My breathing is erratic and heavy, black spots begin to fill my eyes and I think I’m having a panic attack. I drop my head as I feel a hand on my shoulder then another on my leg. I glance to the side and catch a glimpse of Alex bent down next to me. “Niamh, I need to you just breathe for me. That’s it. Concentrate on your breaths. One in, one out. I’m gonna count to four and you’re gonna breathe in, then I’m gonna count to four again and you’re gonna breathe out.”
“One, two, three, four. Breathe. And one, two, three, four. Breathe.” She does this for a few more seconds her hands never leaving me. And I’m grateful she seems to know how to bring me out of it. But having her help me reminds me of the time I had one with Seamus. He knew exactly how to bring me out of it. I miss him. I hate that I told him I didn’t want to be with him, but we can’t be together. He lives a life I don’t want to be a part of and I’m too broken for him. He needs someone strong to stand at his side. My panic clears but I feel the sadness start to cloud. I look down at Alex as I try to shake away the tears. “Let them fall.” She whispers. She pulls the chair closer and sits down. She doesn’t say anything else. Just waits patiently letting me cry and I’m grateful that we’re at a table in the back where people can’t really see us.
I finally pulled myself together and thankfully before Bella arrived. As much as I love her, I don’t want her to see me fall apart. Especially as she doesn’t really know what has been going on. The café is a small quiet place, the walls are white and pink, and the tables all have pretty pink and white tablecloths. I’ve been coming here for a little while and have gotten to know the older ladies who own this place, they started the business more than twenty years ago. Oddly I find it comforting being here talking to the owners. They know a little about what is going on, but they never push me or force me to talk to them. I chose to meet the girls here knowing that I would be comfortable, and it wouldn’t be crowded with a load of people.
We’d ordered food and the girls told me about their days and what they were up to. Neither of them pushed me to talk and I’m grateful for that. But I know that I need to tell them something. Killian is right, he can’t always be there. As much as he wants to always be there, he has a life and a Syndicate to run.
“I told Killian I wasn’t ready to share. That I wasn’t ready to tell people what was going on.” I glance at Grace behind the counter. She’s serving a customer, but senses me watching and glances over giving me a smile and wink and it’s all the encouragement I need to keep going. “I told him I wasn’t ready. But the truth is I can’t do this alone.” I look at them both trying to gauge their reactions, but they just wait for me to continue. I take a sip of my now warm water before continuing. “My therapist thinks I’m suffering from depression. He thinks I’ve never really dealt with the death of my father or Aoife, and losing Rory is something that I’m struggling to comprehend. And I’m inclined to agree with him. There are some days that I feel like I’m sitting in the middle of a black hole. A hole that I can’t make my way out of. I feel sad, stressed, anxious or angry all of the time.”
“There are days I feel so lost that I don’t think I’ll ever see the next one. I don’t know how to cope. Please don’t think any less of me. I don’t think I’ll cope if you all judge me.”
“Ah, Niamh.” Bells gets up from her chair leaning over me and wrapping her arms around me as Alex reaches for my hand.
“You’re family Niamh. We’d never think any less of you. We love you just the way you are. You are not alone. Alex and I will be here whenever you need us. Just call us and we’ll come running.” My body shakes as I try to hold back the tears. I’ve done enough crying I don’t want to keep shedding tears. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.” My insides finally stop churning. Killian was right when he said that I could trust them, that they wouldn’t judge me.
Chapter 16
I’m exhausted, we all are. Ten hours of torture and bloodshed can take it out of you. Maxim’s men were dealt with first. They had no new information for us. They were instructed to head to the dock and collect the shipment. They couldn’t even tell us who had given them the instruction just that they received an anonymous text message with the location, date, and time.
Finn is sitting on the table behind me playing with a lighter, his legs swinging back and forth. Connor is leaning against the back wall next to the table arms folded over his chest. He’s spent the last thirty minutes scowling at our men, not saying a word. I turn to my right and then tilt my head, furrowing my brows and wrinkling my nose. I suddenly realise how much alike Ronan and Maxim are in this setting. They are both standing in the middle of the room, legs spread wide. Maxim is spinning his blade in his hand, the tip of the blade pressing into his finger. Small drops of blood pooling on his finger. Ronan on the other hand has the tip of his blade resting on his tongue. Both staring at our men tied to chairs in the middle of the room. We stripped them naked and hosed them down with cold water before securing them.
We made sure they could see and hear everything being done to Maxim’s men. We want them to understand how much shit they are in right now. We want them to know that there is no easy way out for them.
I hear Finn shift from the table behind me, Maxim and Ronan turn to watch him, Maxim gives a satisfied‘hmm’andthen takes a seat next to me. Ronan doesn’t move but turns back to the men. Finn appears in my line of vision and I see the pliers in his hand. Our men Brent and Martin groan around the gags in their mouths. Martin pulls on his ropes his chair wobbles with his movements. Finn starts laughing, then moves toward him. “You should show your fear, Brent. Your stoicism means you get to go first.”
Getting up from my chair I join Finn in front of Brent. He looks up at us both, his face impassive. I roll my eyes at the whimpering sounds of Martin beside us. Finn and I give each other a smirk then lean down wrapping my hands around his arms holding him in place. Finn grabs Brent’s hand pulling up his little finger. He positions the pliers just below the first knuckle. Brent tries to pull his hand away to no avail.
“Now Brent. I could tell you that this will be over as soon as you tell us what we want to know. But I think you know as well as we do that it would be a lie. The truth is you betrayed us. You’ve worked for us for eight years. Eight fucking years Brent. We’re fair bosses, we take care of you. We take care of you all. And you betrayed us. Went behind our backs. Tell me what is that Liam offered you for you to turn? What did he offer to give you that we couldn’t?” We see the defeat in his eyes, knowing there is no way for him to respond. Knowing that isn’t what we want right now. Finn shifts his weight and then squeezes on the pliers chopping off the tip of his little finger. We hear Brent’s muffled cries behind his gag and his face begins to pale as he tightly closes his eyes breathing through the pain.
I look across at my baby brother and I’m hit with a wave of pride. I can’t believe how far he’s come, how comfortable he is with us now. He no longer sits on the sidelines waiting to be included. My baby brother takes charge when he wants, and I love that he does. Finn gives a small wink then leans down using the pliers to cut off the tips of two more fingers on his left hand. By the time he’s done Brent is sweating, tears streaming down his face, snot covering his nose and the gag. Without hesitation Finn rips the tape from across his mouth, Brent coughs and splutters trying to catch his breath. “Now fuckface. Tell us what Liam offered you to turn on us.”
To his credit, Brent doesn’t give us anything. He inhales trying to catch his breath, but just shakes his head and then lowers his eyes before dropping his head down. Finn sighs his disappointment clearly evident. I give Finn the chin lift, letting him know it’s his show.
All eyes are on Finn as he walks over to the table where all of our weapons are laid out. He stands there for a minute looking over everything on the table. Then he picks up a hunting knife and a small blow torch. I see Maxim and Ronan give him a look of approval.
As Finn steps up to Brent igniting the blow torch and heating the blade, Brent's eyes dart around the room looking for who knows what, a way out or someone he thinks will help him maybe. He’ll find neither, not in here. I take a step closer standing on Finn's right-hand side as Maxim and Ronan move around to either side of Brent each grabbing him and holding him steady. I look over at Connor and see him check his watch. “Con, you have somewhere to be brother?” He chuckles shaking his head. “Yeah. We all do Ma’s… remember?”
“Ah fuck. We forgot about that. Finn, sorry to rush you brother…” he cuts me off before I have a chance to finish. “I’d rather rush a little than face the wrath of Ma if we’re late for another dinner. Ro, Maxim, hold him will ya? Let’s give him a little taster. He can contemplate what’s left of his miserable life while we’re out.”
