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“And what’s she done to correct that issue?” Faith asked. “Has she made any progress at all, or has she just waited for it to magically happen?”
“Faith, not everyone is ...” Michael sighed and looked down at his plate for a moment. When he lifted his head, the corners of his lips were turned down. “Not everyone is as strong as you. Not everyone can get cut literally to pieces and recover from that.”
Faith’s knee twitched and a stab of guilt joined the stab of pain. “I’m not as strong as you think I am, Michael,” she said.
“Oh, enough with the sympathetic self-abasement,” Michael said, believing her statement to be for his benefit and not the actual truth. “You can get literally stabbed and punched and beaten and shake it off. That’s what made you a great Marine. It’s what makes you a great agent. Unfortunately, it also makes you very cold and distant and emotionally unavailable.”
Faith weathered the jab, knowing that Michael’s frustration was prompting him to lash out. “We’re not talking about you and me, Michael,” she said calmly. “We agreed that we weren’t right for each other, and we still feel that way. This isn’t some misguided jealous response, Michael. This is about Ellie. Ellie is lying to you, Michael.”
“That’s your opinion,” he said icily.
“It is,” she agreed, “but it’s not an opinion I’ve arrived at idly. When we were at dinner, I saw the way she acted around you.”
“The way she acted around me?” he said. “What are you talking about?”
Faith took a breath. “When you kissed her, she would tense up. Just slightly, just enough that you wouldn’t notice unless you were looking for it, but—”
“Were you looking for it?” Michael challenged.
“No,” she said. “No, I was—”
“Then how could you tell?” he said.
Faith sighed. “Can we just drop it, Michael? This is why I didn’t want to talk about this in the first place.”
“No, come on,” Michael said, “I want you to tell me how. How could you tell that she was tense when I kissed her?”
Faith shook her head and resigned herself to the conversation. “Her shoulders would stiffen, her cheeks would freeze briefly, and her hands would start to cross over her chest before she would catch herself and stop.”
“Really?” Michael said.
He no doubt intended the question to come out sarcastically, but all Faith could sense was hurt.
“Really,” she said softly, “and whenever the conversation turned to the future between you guys, she would always change the subject. She was surprisingly good at that. I don’t think she committed to a single plan you made.”
“Well, I wasn’t planning,” he argued, “I was just daydreaming. You know how it is when you’re in the first flush of romance.”
“Yes,” Faith said, “I do. I very much do. That’s how I know that Ellie doesn’t see a future with you. When you’re in the first blush of romance, you daydreamwithyour partner. You go along with all of their foolish plans and you dream of forever even if you know it’s silly. When he mentions going to Europe or the Caribbean or on a cruise, you talk about how much fun you’ll have and what you’ll wear and what the food will be like, and you allow yourself to imagine it’s real. You don’t laugh and then change the subject. You don’t say things like ‘Well, we’ll see,’ or ‘I don’t know, maybe.’”
“Youdon’t say those things,” Michael said, “butyouhaven’t lost your husband of ten years to another woman and then been forced to keep his last name for years because you haven’t been allowed to be your own person ever since you took that name for yours.”
“Michael, it’s clear that you aren’t going to believe me,” Faith said, “and that’s fine. For what it’s worth, I hope I’m wrong. For what it’s worth, it also doesn’t matter what I think. If you like her, then that’s all that matters. You’ll be all right whether this works out or not, so just enjoy it while you have it, and if things work out, then wonderful.”
“Well, listen, though,” he said plaintively. “Listen to me and let me explain to you why I think you’re wrong. I think you owe me that much.”
Faith sighed and lifted her hand, letting it fall back onto her lap. “All right,” she said tonelessly.
“Faith, she is so kind to me. She’s so sweet, you wouldn’t believe it. She always cooks for me. I mean breakfast every morning when I wake up and dinner on the table when I come home. She gives me the best massages every day. That’s not the same as sex, okay? There’s nothing in it for her. She just does it to make me feel good.”
“That’s wonderful, Michael,” Faith said. “I’m glad.”
“No, listen,” Michael said, his tone almost desperate. “When I talk to her, she doesn’t feel a need to judge me the way so many other people in my life do. She doesn’t have to follow it up with some sarcastic jab or some advice that’s really just a thin way to disguise disapproval.”
Faith’s lips thinned a little when she heard that. She didn’t know for sure that Michael meant that as a jab to her, but his biggest complaint when they dated was that she was overly judgmental.
Actually, that was his second biggest complaint. His biggest was that she was cold.
“And she’s so …” he sighed. “She’s …”
