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“Michael, we’re grown,” I said. I smirked. “Besides, what’s a little fucking between husband and wife?”
We both laughed at that.
Finally, Michael sighed. “Look, I’m sorry about the threat. Consider it retracted. But only under one condition.”
“What’s that?” I tilted my head in curiosity. Michael was not one to put conditions on agreements, so I figured it must be good.
“You have to tell Andrew how you feel.”
I reared back, the sting of the surprise hitting my skin. “What?”
“This”—he gestured between us—“all this fighting and marriage and then breaking up. It has to be for something. It can’t just be so that you can spend the rest of your life alone.”
“So I have to be with a man for it to be worth the trouble?” I raised my eyebrows.
Michael sighed, pulling at his beard again. “No, that’s not what I meant.” He started pacing in the small space, and I watched him the way one watches a tense lion. Finally, he stopped, looking in my eyes.
“I always knew that I wasn’t getting all of you.” He laughed without humor, the sound sharp in the small space. “I could feel that there was a barrier between us, like you didn’t ever fully trust me. I figured it would go away with time, but here we are.”
The waves of hurt coming off him were so strong that I wanted to reach out and touch him. I drew my hand up toward his shoulder, then stopped and dropped it back down. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He barked out another laugh. “And what? Admit that I was failing as a boyfriend, then as a fiancé?” He shook his head. “No way.”
“But maybe that could have saved our relationship.” I shrugged. “Maybe it would have kept us honest and genuine.”
“Or maybe it would have broken us apart.” He regarded me, his eyes a concoction of sorrow and bittersweet feelings. “There was no way of knowing.”
“But at least it would have been honest,” I said. I leaned against the wall, my arms still crossed. “We spent these last two years trying to be the image of the perfect couple, Michael. But the truth is, we can’t be the perfect anything. If given the opportunity, I cuss more than you’ll ever be comfortable with. I prefer to wear a lot of black, and multiple bracelets, and converses. The very opposite of what you want from me. And you…” I hesitated, feeling the curiosity and wariness from Michael. “You are a sports guy. You want a trophy wife, someone you can show off to your friends and teammates. You like the parties, and the surface-level stuff. And your work ethic reaches insane heights, to the point where you can’t see anything else. None of these are terrible traits, but they are imperfect, and real. And we needed imperfection in our relationship.”
Michael nodded, considering this. “I hear you.” He grimaced as he caught my eye. “So, you love him, then?”
I picked at the skin around my fingers as Michael looked on with a slight frown. “I think so, yeah. I guess I owe it to myself to at least explore what’s going on between me and him.”
“I think you owe it to him, too.”
I tilted my head, a frown now playing on my face, as well. “What do you mean?”
He brushed a curl back from my face, the gentlest gesture he’s ever bestowed on me. “Every man deserves to feel loved,” he said. “And if the love you feel for Andrew is even a tenth of what you showed me, he deserves to feel loved by you.” He stepped away and shrugged, hurt evident in his gaze. “You know, I think you’re right—I think it’s better for us not to be together. We don’t bring out the best in each other, and I don’t think I could ever get used to the swearing.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Great, thanks for your blessing.”
“Of course.” I shook my head and laughed some more. He had no idea I was being sarcastic—typical Michael. He puffed his chest out proudly. “Consider it my wedding present to you.”
We smiled at each other. I knew that things would still be a little messy, especially given that now we had to navigate a divorce, but somehow, things seemed okay between us.
“Hey.”
He looked up, all of the messy things reflected back at me in his gaze.
“Thanks for everything, Michael. Really.”
He shrugged, a rare moment of shyness from him. “Anytime.” He grinned. “Now, get out of my store and find your boyfriend.”
