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“Regardless, that was the true end of our relationship. We had sex once and that was it.” I scrunched the end of the blanket in my fist. “I haven’t done it since.”
“Wow, Ace,” Andrew said. “That’s tough.”
“You don’t even know the half of it.” Which was true—Andrew could not possibly know the half of it.
What I didn’t tell Andrew was that I had broken up with Nicholas because I had feelings for Andrew. It took about five minutes and one conversation with my neighbor, Thalia James, before I rushed to Nicholas’s place to tell him the truth.
The funny thing was, Nicholas didn’t seem surprised. It was as if he knew he wasn’t number one in my life. Why do you think you haven’t met my parents yet? He raised an eyebrow and I had laughed.
Still, the events that followed were heartbreaking. Nicholas may have taken our breakup well, but he was the only one.
I sniffled and felt Andrew stiffen next to me. “Ace, are you crying?” He asked, voice lined with dismay.
“Nope.” I tried to suck the mucus back into my nasal passage as quietly as possible. Andrew had hearing like a bat, so any noise was bound to confirm his suspicion. I couldn’t figure out why I was crying. Maybe it was the loss of opportunity; maybe it was that I knew how that night ended. It could have been my body remembering what my mind didn’t want to.
Regardless, my tears set off Andrew’s sonar. Before I could stop him, I heard the pillows drop to the ground, one by one. Then, he crept to my side of the bed.
“Alicia,” he said. “You know what time it is.”
“Don’t say it,” I sniffled.
“You’ve avoided it long enough. It is time.”
“Can’t you just leave me in peace for once?”
“No can do,” he said. “It’s time to”—I sighed—“bring it in.”
“Are you really still using the phrase? Can’t you just say “let’s hug” like a regular person?”
“Nope.”
“Must I hug you? Is this a requirement?”
“Nope.”
I rolled my eyes. I knew where this was going. Other than tickling me, Andrew always let me choose. His level of patience as I vacillated between choices was unmatched. A thought, unbidden, came to mind: I bet he lets all of his conquests cum first. The very thought set my body on fire.
“You’re not gonna let this go, are you?”
“I will, but will you?”
I paused as I weighed my options. Might as well get it over with, I thought. Despite my reluctance, a small part of me yearned to be in Andrew’s arms. “Fine,” I said. I tried to inject my voice with warning and failed. “But don’t let this become a habit.”
“Sure,” he said. “Okay.”
Slowly, I scooted the additional foot toward him. As I did, he repositioned his arms, so they wrapped around my body. As if finding a familiar home, my head dipped to rest in that space between his neck and the outer edge of his shoulder. Already, even though he had been in bed less than twenty minutes, he smelled like sleep and warmth. Between that and his usual bonfire scent, the combination was positively heady. I breathed in deep and gave an inadvertent sniff. I could feel Andrew’s smile in the dark.
“Still sniffing me, I see.”
“Andrew Parker, shut up before I pummel you.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would,” I mumbled, but we both knew I wouldn’t.
It felt different, somehow. Despite the fact that Andrew and I had hugged often in our earlier days—something that started happening around the time that I found out about Dante’s illness—this hug felt weightier. As if we both had more to lose. His arms held me firmly. My hands went under his arms and up his back to clasp his shoulders, bringing my body close to his. I resisted the urge to tangle my legs with his, to fully press my front to his and relieve the mounting urge between my legs. Instead, I rested my forehead on his chest. It was as if I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t burrow myself deep enough. I held on for dear life. Soon, his shirt felt damp to the touch and it was then that I realized I was sobbing.
“Let it out,” he murmured. “It’s okay, I’m here and I’m not leaving.”
