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I laughed, standing up and clapping Brandon on the shoulder. “Sure, let’s go in.”
ChapterTwenty-Nine
CIARA
By the time Thursday rolled around, I was convinced that Nathan was avoiding me, and I couldn’t figure out why.
He hadn’t gotten home before I fell asleep since the Monday we almost had sex, and he always left before I woke up. The only reason I knew he was coming home was I had vague memories of briefly waking up, feeling him slide under the sheets beside me and pressing a kiss to my shoulder, and then falling back asleep.
Every morning, I woke up angrier and more turned on than the day before. But in truth, I felt like I had no reason to complain. After all, everything was going according to plan—sex simply hadn’t been a part of that plan.
By Friday, though, things had reached a fever pitch. Mid-afternoon, I started to worry that I had missed a crucial email from the admissions people at George Washington College of New Jersey. Just as I was opening my laptop to check my email, Nathan sent a text:
Nathan:Hey, staying late at work again ???? Not sure when I’ll be home.
Iread the text and started to see red. Working late again? What the heck was so important at work that he was going to be lateagain?
Enough was enough. I had to put my foot down. Before I could think twice about it, I fired off a response.
Ciara: We need to talk. This is not working for me.
Putting my phone facedown on the table, I released a breath and returned to my computer.
My focus was short-lived, though, because Nathan responded.
Nathan: That doesn’t sound good. What’s going on, Cinderelly?
Nathan:Hope I’m not in too much trouble ??
Nathan: You know what, never mind—I’ll come home and we can hang out. I’ll finish working at home.
Nathan: Leaving now; see you soon.
Oh no,I thought.What have I done?
When I sent that text, I didn’t have a plan, no recourse if he actually stopped avoiding me. Now that he was coming home, I had to figure out how the heck I was going to explain that I had feelings for him.
I fluttered around the apartment, picking things up and putting them down in the same spot, all the while, my mind racing a mile a minute. Who was I to insist that he come home on time? I had no idea if he consistently stayed late at the office, or if he was avoiding me. What if he wasn’t avoiding me and I made a big to-do about nothing?
Even though I was at a loss as to how I would explain the feelings that made my chest tight and my throat burn with nerves, it felt right, somehow, to say that was the issue. Whenever I thought about the night he made me come, it made my body feel hot, and I yearned to relieve the pressure between my legs. But it was more than that. My daydreams about Nathan were becoming more and more frequent, and they weren’t just about sex.
They were about us falling in love.
The fantasy was almost as vivid as reality as if they ran parallel to each other. On the one hand, we were currently living on this timeline where we meet online, arrange a business deal, and part ways at the appointed time. And on the other timeline…we meet online, arranged a business deal, spend time together, realize it’s so much more than what we thought it was, develop feelings, get married for real, have children…stay together. I could barely contain my feelings for him on our current timeline; they felt out of place and unwieldy. But if I could onlyspeak upand take what I wanted…maybe it could turn into something manageable. And beautiful.
As I heard Nathan call from downstairs, “I’m home!” my heart started racing. I smoothed my hair, my sweatshirt, my leggings which didn’t have a wrinkle in sight.
I’m falling in love with Nathan freakin’ Hemingway.And there’s no way he feels the same way.
I’m so screwed.
“Hey,” Nathan said as he stepped into the kitchen. I could barely see his head over two big paper bags full of what looked like groceries. He stopped at the kitchen island to drop the bags, then made his way over to me. “I stopped by the store to pick up some stuff for dinner. I thought it would be fun to cook together and hang out.” He scratched the back of his neck and grimaced. “And…you know…talk.”
Inwardly, I flinched as I studied his face. He seemed really concerned, and it made me feel bad for making a fuss over him working late.You can’t expect him to change his whole life around for you,I admonished myself.You’re not supposed to make waves.
But then, my conversation with Estelle popped into my head:Everyone goes through something sometime. That’s no reason to put your needs on the shelf indefinitely.
Also, this whole thing started because Nathan needed a wife. And I had changedmywhole life around to fithisneeds—moving in with him being one example of that.
