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It was time for him to return the favor.
With that, I straightened my shoulders and faced him head-on. “I think we should talk before we start dinner,” I said firmly. “So we’re not distracted.”
Nathan was already nodding, unbuttoning the cuffs of his white dress shirt and rolling the sleeves up. I tried to maintain my steely resolve, but when he sat down next to me, I couldn’t resist taking him in. His scent—fresh laundry, cologne that smelled like it belonged to a male model on the beach, and something uniquelyNathan—swirled around me, wrapped me in a comforting haze. He wore his usual business attire, but he had decided to forgo a tie, leaving the top two buttons undone and a hint of chest hair underneath. When I met his gaze with my own, the corners of his eyes crinkled with his worry.
“Works for me,” he said. “Let’s talk. What’s on your mind?”
I took a deep breath to steady myself, thinking of the right combination of words that would smooth things over. But I couldn’t figure out how to say it, so I just blurted, “Why are you avoiding me?”
He blinked, leaning back a little. Then, he laughed, a small, lost sound instead of one of true merriment. “I’ve been wondering the same thing,” he said, almost as if to himself.
“Is it because you think I can’t handle the sex? Like I told you, I’m not a virgin.”
“No, it’s not that.” Nathan sighed, looking distressed. “I know you can handle the sex. Iwantto have sex with you. It’s just…”
“Just?”
“It’s messy for us to have sex when we’re in this type of relationship.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know I was the one that proposed that we just have fun and see where things go, but now…now, I don’t know if that’s such a great idea.
“You’re going to New York; I’m staying here…wouldn’t it be better for us to resist indulging in…” He glanced at me, gulped, and looked away. “Itwouldbe better to make a clean break,” he said finally.
“Is that what you really want?” I asked.
“No,” he admitted. He looked at me. “Is that what you want?”
Internally, I chastised myself for asking a question I didn’t want to answer myself, a question that would make things, as Nathan put it,messy.But I stopped to think about it anyway.
He had a point; making a clean break would be best for both of us. Neither of us needed the additional complication. If we resisted the urge to follow our sexual desires, I could focus on getting my degree instead of trying to balance that and a new relationship, and he could continue overseeing the estate.
Also, if we indulged, I risked falling even deeper in love with this complicated, goofy, completely unexpected joy of a man…who wouldn’t love me back.
But God, wouldn’t that be great? To have something—someone—for yourself? Something you indulged simply because it made you feel good? Even if it were just sex?
The thought burst into my consciousness, unbidden and unwanted. Funnily enough, the thought’s voice sounded like Estelle’s.
Do something for you,she urged.Just this once. Consequences and harmony be damned.
“No,” I said finally. “It’s not what I want.”
Nathan’s eyes flashed, and he moved closer to cup my head in his hands. “Then what do you want, pretty girl?” he murmured. “You gotta talk to me.”
I dropped my gaze to his chin, unable to endure the heat in his eyes, the desire so close to the surface. Even if it matched my own desires.
Just say the words, mind-Estelle urged.
“I want…you,” I whispered.
ChapterThirty
NATHAN
Hearing Ciara say that she wanted me, as if that were the only thing she’d ever wanted, lit an unexpected fire in me. Here was this smart, beautiful, quirky woman whom I had almost overlooked because of how she looked when we first met, and she wantedme. She didn’t ask anything of me, seemed to see me for the person I was rather than what I could do for her or the things that I had achieved. She had seen me at my clumsiest, at my least successful. And yet, she still wantedme.
I didn’t stop to think; I kissed her with all of the pent-up longing I’d locked away all week.
I kissed her like I had wanted to that night after I made her come, the way I had wanted to all week. I took in her sighs, smoothed my hands down her sides, squeezed her ass. She pressed her body against mine, chests to thighs, pushing me back on the couch and straddling my hips.
I groaned as she began to grind against my dick. “Cinderelly,” I gasped. “You’re killing me.”
