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“Right…”
“Great! So apply that same technique to this.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out again. “Okay, I’ll try that. Here goes nothing.”
I pressed the gas gently, as instructed, and the car crept forward. Comforted by this, I pressed on the gas a little more fully then eased off, the way Nathan had described. The car came to a gradual stop, instead of stopping suddenly like the other times.
I put the car in park and clapped my hands excitedly. “Yes! Finally!”
Nathan kissed my cheek. “Good job. Now you’re ready for the highway.”
I immediately stopped celebrating and shook my head. “No way.”
“Yes way. Everything else is pretty much the same, except for some special features you can useifyou want to. Come on,” he urged. “I promise you’ll be okay. This is one of the safest cars to drive. Literally.”
I sighed, looking out the windshield as I considered. I was conflicted. On the one hand, it was obvious that Nathan was trying to cheer me up. If we drove on the highway, he might have been reassured that he had done that.
On the other hand, all I really wanted was some ice cream and to rewatch episodes ofSchitt’s Creek, and to try to forget that my best friend wasn’t talking to me and that I had to decide if I was going to accept the offer to the animation program and live out my dream. Throughout my driving lesson, I vacillated between checking my texts for anything from Brooklyn and worrying about what Nathan would think if I decidednotto go to the school. Nothing had come from Brooklyn, and I was no closer to deciding about my future, so all that was left to do was drown my sorrows in rocky road.
But maybe there was a compromise.
“How about we head home?” I said finally. “I’ll drive, and we can take the highway. Then, when we get home, can we just eat ice cream and watch TV?”
Nathan nodded, eyes bright. “Sounds perfect to me,” he said. “But first…”
He unbuckled his seatbelt, then mine, and pulled me into his lap. With a gentle tug on my curls, he brought my lips down to his and kissed me with a fervor that made me ache between my legs. I kissed him back, unable to stop myself from grinding my body against his. He groaned and brought his hands down to my hips, guiding my movements. He began to harden, the tip nudging the apex of my thighs. I whimpered. Smoothing his hand up my thigh, he brushed his thumb against my clitoris over my panties. I gasped, leaning into him as he made circles around the sensitive nub.
“I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” he murmured, groaning again when I pushed myself against his hand. “God, Ciara, you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe how lucky I am.”
“I’m lucky, too,” I breathed, bringing my hands to cup his face. “I’m lucky to have met you, to know such a kind, generous, thoughtful man. I…”I love youis what almost slipped out, but I knew I couldn’t say it. With so much at stake, I couldn’t risk him not saying it back.
Nathan’s movements slowed, as did his breathing. Finally, he rested his hands on my hips. “As much as I wanna continue this,” he said, licking his lips, “let’s wait until we get home. Hemingway police officers are always circling around here, and I don’t want us to be the talk of the town. You know the cops are a bunch of gossips.”
“Okay.” Though I was ready to throw caution to the wind if it meant I could feel Nathan inside of me immediately, I nodded my agreement. I slid off his lap and into the driver’s seat. “Makes sense.”
“Now, to raise your heart rate in a different way.” He grinned, ever the Prince Charming. “Let’s get on the road!”
Driving on the highway was a rush I hadn’t expected. And it had the unexpected benefit of getting my mind off Brooklyn and my abandoned animation program dreams.
Nathan taught me a few tricks, like how to turn on the self-driving features and lane assist, and then, we were off. I let myself break the speed limit, letting the speedometer creep up to sixty, then seventy…then eighty.
The higher I went, the faster my heart raced. Having this kind of power and speed was a drug, infusing me with a confidence I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was similar to times that I experimented with a new style of drawing, or a new topic that might push the boundaries of polite society. I was the master of my own destiny.
When we got closer to the city, I slowed to a reasonable speed and let the car do most of the driving. I leaned into the headrest, watching the lights fly by. The quiet soothed me, the peacefulness allowing me to truly appreciate the coordination of all the drivers on the road going in the same direction.
Before I knew it, we were pulling up in front of our brownstone. I parked and turned off the car, sighing as I fell back into the seat.
I turned to Nathan. “Thank you,” I said quietly. “I know this was all to cheer me up, and I appreciate it.”
“Of course.” He reached out and brushed a finger along my cheek. “I hate to see you sad, pretty girl. Anything I can do to cheer you up, I’ll do it.”
I looked at him then, under the soft glow of the streetlights streaming in his window, and I almost said it for the second time that night:I love you.I loved him with a rush of emotion that rivaled our drive on the highway. It empowered me. It soothed me. I couldn’t get enough of this feeling, and I could no longer contain it.
So I didn’t.
“I love you,” I whispered.
He blinked, his eyes widening. “What?”
