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I cleared my throat, pushing past my anxiety and racing heart. “I love you,” I said louder. “I’ve wanted to say it all night, and I’ve been nervous because, what if you don’t love me back, but the feeling’s too big to hold back anymore, and I want to be someone that tells the truth when I feel it, and—”
He stopped me with a kiss that made my mind blink offline and forget my own name. All of my attention narrowed to one single point, the place where our lips met. The tip of his tongue pressed against the seam of my lips, and I opened for him, willingly and wholeheartedly. He groaned as my tongue met his, and he fit his hands around my hips, squeezing and kneading them like dough. It was only when we heard whooping and cheers right outside the car from a random group of guys on the sidewalk that we pulled apart, our pants the only sound within the car.
“Nathan—” I started.
“I love you, too,” he blurted. “I’ve loved you for a while now. I didn’t want to say anything because we have this whole arrangement, and I didn’t want to make you think that you had to say it back, and I didn’t want to trap you in this marriage because you felt obligated to stay in it—”
“I don’t feel obligated at all,” I interrupted. I blushed. “I’m glad you feel the same way.”
His eyes roamed all over my face, seeming to take everything in. Something within me clicked into place, a missing puzzle piece that I felt like I had been searching for unconsciously. Despite everything that had happened—me losing my job, entering into this wild marriage, even my fractured friendship with Brooklyn—or maybe because of it, being here with Nathan, professing our love to each other, feltright. I didn’t want to ruin it with talk about me moving to New Jersey and us breaking up, so I quieted that part of me.We’ll talk about it later. We have time.
“Come on, Cinderelly,” he said. “Let’s get out of this car and go home.”
ChapterThirty-Four
CIARA
As March melded into April, and April became May, Nathan and I fell into a routine. We would wake up and eat breakfast together, then he would leave for work and I would leave for my volunteer job at the animal shelter in Hemingway. Or, I’d meet up with Mack and Sara to finalize wedding details. Still other times, I would meet Estelle for lunch and we’d talk about her chances of getting together with the new manager. I would usually be done by three or four in the afternoon, then come home and start dinner. Sometimes, Nathan would get there before it was done and he’d help me; other days, he wouldn’t be home until after I had plated everything. There were even times he would text me to tell me he’d be home late, so I’d bring dinner to him and quietly work on things on my sketchpad while he finished up his day. Regardless, we always made time to eat together and share about our day. And then, we’d make love and fall asleep wrapped up in each other.
It was bliss.
Except for the fact that I still hadn’t made a decision about the animation program.
Also, Brooklyn and I barely spoke.
Like I had told Nathan the night of our engagement party, everything seemed to be fine until she met Nathan, and then Mack. It didn’t help that I had canceled plans with her the day of the engagement party. She seemed to take it pretty hard as if it were a personal affront instead of the change in plans that it was. We had never fought like this before, never disagreed so strongly that it caused a rift in our friendship. I missed our Friday night phone calls, the feeling of being seen and heard and loved for who I was. In short, I missed my best friend.
I didn’t know what to do, so I sought Estelle—who was the only neutral party I could think of—for advice.
Estelle shrugged, picking up her sandwich and taking a bite before answering. “To be honest, Brooklyn always seemed like amy way or the highwaykinda person. I’m not surprised that she took offense, especially if she hates people with money.”
“It’s not that she hates them.” I bit my lip, trying to think of the right words. “She just…hasn’t had great experiences with wealthy people.”
“Okay, but so?” Estelle countered. “Didn’t you say you were bullied for your clothes, too?”
“Yeah, but it never seemed to affect me as much as it affected Brooklyn.” I shrugged, jabbing my fork into a clump of my salad. “It was as if…”
“As if?”
I bit my lip, feeling like I was betraying Brooklyn’s confidence. To the outside world, Brooklyn seemed like a hard person to love. She wasn’t a nice person but rather, a person who was unable to look away from injustice. She was the person who lent her voice to the voiceless, and she had a big heart. And it had all started in our childhood, from her own experiences of being bullied.
I sighed, throwing caution to the wind and choosing to tell Estelle. “The only thing I will say is that her bullies poked at an insecurity she had about herself that she wished no one—not even I—could see. She has younger sisters, so she always felt the need to be strong for them, and her parents and grandmother put pressure on her to be that way, as well. By being bullied, it showed that she wasn’t as strong as she thought, at least, in her mind. So now, she equates wealth with bullying. And now that I’m with Nathan, we barely talk. The only thing we talk about is wedding planning stuff, and even that is the bare minimum. The wedding is in three weeks; what if she stops talking to me altogether?”
Estelle grimaced. “If she’s causing you this much grief,” she said, “maybe it’s better that shedoesremove herself from your life.”
I started shaking my head before Estelle even finished. The very thought of losing Brooklyn made me break out into a sweat. Anxiety clogged my throat, made it hard to breathe.
Estelle eyed me warily. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I said quickly, trying to slow my heart down. “I can’t lose Brooklyn over this, Estelle. She’s my best friend. We’ve been through a lot together, and she’s always been there when I need her. And I, her.”
“Luckily for you, I don’t take offense tothat,” Estelle sniffed. She smirked, sarcasm heavy in her expression, and I laughed.
“In any case,” she continued, “sometimes, we grow without people. Or despite them. You may grow and move on without Brooklyn, though I don’t think that’s the case. Maybe she just needs some time. Youdidget engaged pretty quick.”
“I hope you’re right.” I sighed. “But what do I do in the meantime?”
“Give her time and space,” Estelle suggested. “That’s all youcando.”
