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I might as well leave before he rejects me first,I thought.
When I talked it over with Brooklyn the night before the wedding, I sobbed in her arms. She soothed me, repeating what she had told me before: she wasn’t leaving me; I would always have her and the rest of my girls.
I worried about that, though. I couldn’t be sure that I could still hold onto the friendship with Mack when I divorced Nathan. They, along with the rest of Nathan’s family, seemed like a package deal: if I let go of Nathan, I had to be willing to let go of Mack, too.
But I had to do what needed to be done. For my own sake, so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of rejection later on, when Nathan came to his senses.
The wedding went as planned. The ceremony was beautiful; taking photos went smoothly. Even our reception was without trouble, despite Zeke’s toast which was all about how quickly we got married. But then, it was time to go home.
My bridesmaids had decorated my car overnight, putting the requisite cans on the back bumper and the “Just Married” in the back window. We were sent off with sparklers and cheers.
Unfortunately, it was not the same vibe in the car.
I let Nathan drive because even though I had changed out of my big wedding dress for the reception, I didn’t want to drive in the dress I had on. He pulled away from Town Hall, heading toward the highway.
Halfway through the drive, which we spent in silence, Nathan asked, “Are you okay? You’re…quiet.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“About?”
I hesitated, not wanting to say what I knew had to be said. He had to know by Sunday, which is when I’d have to leave.I have to do it now,I thought.
“The animation program,” I said finally. “I got in.”
“Hey, that’s great!” He briefly turned to me, grinning ear-to-ear. “Congratulations! When did you find out?”
“About a week ago,” I replied, fiddling with my bracelet. “I didn’t submit the deposit until yesterday.”
“Oh okay, nice.” We stopped for the red light, and he turned to me, radiating joy. “That’s great news! When does the program start?”
“Well, technically, it starts in August, but they have a summer program that I was admitted to. I’m going to that, as well.”
“Oh.” The light turned green, and Nathan didn’t say anything for a moment. Then: “When does that start?”
Brace yourself,I warned myself. I took a deep breath. “Monday,” I said.
“This Monday?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh…okay. So we have to pack then, right? I’m sure we can stay in a hotel until I can secure something more permanent for us.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I took a breath to steady myself. “I think it’s best…if I go alone,” I said.
The silence was so long, I wasn’t sure that Nathan heard me at first. But as we pulled up to his brownstone, he turned to me. “Why?”
I couldn’t meet his eyes as I said the thing I had to say, quick as ripping off a BandAid and just as painful. “This was what we agreed to, right? That we would get married and I’d go to school? It’s just happening a lot earlier than either of us expected. And I need to do this…for me. For my career.”
“Understood, of course.” He frowned. “I just don’t understand why I can’t go with you. I thought we’d—I mean, I thought we were building a future together. So much has changed since we first met. We love each other. Or so I thought.”
I flinched atOr so I thought.This is gonna be harder than I’d imagined.“I know,” I said. “But maybe…maybe this distance will be good. Everything happened so fast, and your mom just died…maybe it’s good to have some space to see how we really feel. To see if this love will persist, or if it was just something that happened because we were thrown together by our circumstances.”
Nathan blew out a breath. “Wow.”
We sat there in near silence, the only sound coming from Nathan tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. I avoided his eyes, but I could feel his stare boring into the side of my face as I turned to look out the windshield. His confusion and increasing anger swirled between us, causing a verifiable storm.
Finally, he sighed. “I guess you gotta pack then. Can I at least see you off? Or do you need to do that alone, too?”
