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Her eyes are on the floor, as she speaks, and I don’t like it. “Look at me when you speak.” My bark makes her chin lift, her eyes finding mine and I see the burning hatred I feel reflected in her eyes, but it’s preferable to the defeat of a few moments ago.
Her fingers twist around each other as she speaks, and I know she hates this. Lottie is a prideful little thing and still has no control over her emotions. “I said I apologize for hitting you. It was out of line and uncalled for. I should never have lost my temper.”
“Go home, and someone will be in touch about your position and if you’ll resume your job here.”
Lottie nods and rushes away and I know what happens next. She’d always cry after losing her cool, the tension too much for her. I want to taste those tears on my lips and know that it was because of me.
Harrison moves toward me. “You want me to sack her?”
I feel the bite of resignation in his voice. “No, she can continue, but maybe now you’ll agree she isn’t cut out for the VIP floor.”
Harrison studies me and I won’t give him the satisfaction of looking at him, especially as I’m watching Lottie pick up her bag from the back of the bar. Her eyes lock on mine once more and I’m sure I can see the tell-tale glint of tears in her eyes, and it makes my dick stiffen.
“I don’t get you, Lincoln. She just handed you the perfect reason to get rid of her and you don’t take it. And if anyone else had done what she just did, they’d be facing a police cell or worse. Yet you let her get away with it. Why?”
“None of your business.”
“Wrong, this is my business when it affects Ruin.”
I turn to him my stare cold. “Leave it, Harrison.”
He shakes his head. “Whatever.”
He walks away, leaving me to ponder his words. He’s right. Nobody speaks to me like that, for certain nobody lays their hands on me and gets away with it, but despite my better judgment, Lottie gets away with it.
I feel the web I’m weaving tighten and wonder for a second if I’m the spider and she’s the fly or if I’m going from prey to victim.
I text my security to ensure they’re following Lottie home. She’s taking the bus each night, which is stupidly irresponsible and dangerous. I have no care for her as such, but I wouldn’t want her to get hurt, at least not before I’ve had my fun with her.
5: Lottie
I focuson my breathing as I let the warm water from the shower ease the tension from my shoulders. Mary was surprised to see me home early, but she seemed to sense I needed some space and, instead of asking the hard questions I could see on her lips, she squeezed my shoulder and left to go home.
The woman is sixty-five years old and has three grandchildren she never sees. I know Eric fills a hole in her life, but I’ll never be able to repay her for the things she does for us.
Without her I’d be lost. She’s a shining example of kindness and yet I hate the sympathy I saw in her eyes when she looked at me tonight.
This is all Lincoln’s fault, that man is the devil incarnate. Ever since the first night when he’d shown me how weak he thought I was, he’s been fucking with me. Watching me like a stalker hunting his prey and that was how he made me feel, like prey.
He never spoke to me or approached me again, but I felt it and I also know he was the reason Marc was fired. I’d wanted to confront him, but when I spoke to Marc about it he denied it and said he had been offered a manager’s position elsewhere, so I had no proof, just my assumptions. To prove a point to me, that he has power and I have none. It’s the same as it always was before. I’m weak and don’t belong, only last time he was on my side and now he’s my adversary. The other difference is I now have a hell of a lot more to lose than just my pride and my heart.
Turning off the water, I wrap my hair in a towel and pull on the old, faded nightshirt I’ve worn since I was a teen. It’s ratty and thin, but it’s also soft and comforting and reminds me of my mom.
God, I miss her.
There are days when I think I can’t go on without her to guide me, to show me what to do but I’m her daughter, and she gave up everything to protect me and keep me safe and I won’t let her down.
I check in on Eric once more, smoothing his hair from his face as he sleeps soundly. He’s always had the ability to sleep like the dead. As if he doesn’t have a care in the world and I thank God that didn’t change with the loss of our mother.
It’s still early for me, barely eleven, and I should take the opportunity to sleep while I can, but my eyes stray to the mountain of bills on the side table, and I know I have to face this head-on and not behave like an ostrich, as much as oblivion tempts me.
Two hours later, I’ve run the numbers again and again and still I know that even with my added wages I can’t make the payments. Defeat weighs heavy and I shrug it off with a wiggle of my shoulders. I can’t give in to despair, I won’t.
I navigate the old laptop, which Mary very kindly gave me, and begin to surf the internet. I’ve been avoiding this, the thought of selling my body makes me feel physically sick, but the alternative is we end up on the streets and I won’t let that happen.
I click through different sites, my nausea growing as I see the requests some of these men make. Sickness churns in my belly as my fingers scroll through the sites. After about an hour I’m about to close the laptop when my eye catches on an advert.
It’s asking for applicants for a virginity auction and the logo at the bottom is one I recognize all too well. I press on the application form where there are more details. Reading through, I feel hope burn a little brighter. This could be exactly what I need. I’d get to keep half the revenue for the auction. I’d only have to sleep with the winning bidder once to fulfill the contract and then I’d sign an exclusive contract to work in the member’s section of the club for a year and that would involve just bar work. Anything else would be voluntary.
