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My head comes up. Now the scene is over we’re back to being equals, two men wanting the same woman, but only one of us can have her and it can’t be me.
“Do what?” I know what he means but I don’t want to admit it.
“Hide. Don’t hide from me.”
Anger makes me step forward. “Don’t pretend you know me because you sucked my cock.”
“God forbid.”
I sigh and drop my chin, fighting my emotions which continue to bombard me and feel more muddied than ever. Amelia is the only thing that matters and as much as I hate the idea of her not being with me, I know Xander is a good man.
I lift my chin and he holds my gaze without backing down as I point my finger at him. “Don’t fucking hurt her, or I’ll end you. Understood?”
Xander waits a beat and I wish I knew what he was thinking in that big, beautiful brain.
“Understood.”
I turn and walk away. I know I left a part of me back in that room with him and the other part is with my best friend.
5: Amelia
I lookaround at my old bedroom with a wistful feeling in my chest. So much of me and my history is in this room. Memories that can pull a smile from me on the darkest of days and some which make me cringe.
Like the time I got my first period and Beck was sitting on my bed when I came out of the bathroom. One look and he’d known something was up, and he hadn’t hesitated for a second to wrap me in his arms. Making me laugh with a joke about how he’d live in three-week increments now, with the fourth week one of pure fear for his life. He’d then gone out and got me ice cream, Cheetos, a hot water bottle, and a chick flick. He’d watched The Notebook without a single complaint. It had become a ritual, and he’d never let me down, always being there for me.
Now my heart aches for a different reason. I miss him with a physical ache in my chest. Beck Goldsmith is the man I love but that isn’t our path. He was my best friend first and I miss that. Since Norrie and Harrison’s wedding, things have been stiff and awkward and I know that’s mostly my fault. I pushed him away. Last weekend’s Heroes and Villains ball has only made that worse.
I have no idea what he and Xander were thinking, behaving the way they did, and I haven’t seen or spoken to either of them since. I hightailed it out of there, humiliation hot on my cheeks and a sense of confusion making my heart heavy. I wish my life could be simpler. That I could just meet a man and fall in love and get married and start a family, but that doesn’t seem to be my path. I’d thought for just a second that Xander Reynolds liked me, that he wanted me. But I’d just been a way to score a point over Beck in a game I didn’t even realize was being played.
I’d not heard a thing from Xander or Beck. Xander, I understood. It was one dance and one kiss. Hardly something to get hung up over, but I can’t deny the disappointment I feel that he hasn’t called. But then why would he? It wasn’t about me. Bitterness makes me rough as I shove the last of my things into a box.
Beck is another matter altogether. I needed space to figure out my next move, to come to terms with the fact that, despite my dreaming, he and I were not meant to be. I also need to get my temper under control. I’m not one of those women who can just calm down quickly. If anything, my anger grows the longer I leave it until I have a good cry and let it go. That cry was two nights ago after a few glasses of wine and an episode of The Vampire Diaries.
Another show I forced Beck to watch in this very room. There were so many memories here. It’s partly the reason for this move. Mom and Dad have moved to Florida and though I could stay here in my family home, I know it’s time to move on and a new apartment is the fresh start I need. A fresh start and a new chapter in my life, and I’ve vowed to seize whatever excitement that brings.
There is the date with Xander that I bought and paid for, although I could just let it go, part of me wants to see him and tell him how shitty his behavior was. Luckily for me, the ‘date’ Lincoln paid for with me is me watching Eric while he and Lottie go away for the weekend. I was happy to do it and grateful for him stepping in like he had. Lottie is a lucky girl, but by all accounts, he was a complete asshole in the beginning before he got his shit together. Now he takes her away every month, just the two of them so he can spoil her rotten and I love that they have that.
Either way, I need to speak with Xander and fix this mess, and I need to call Beck too.
Without thinking too hard, I take out my phone from my back pocket and dial my best friend’s number. He may not answer, he isn’t on shift, but he might have taken extra shifts or stayed over at the hospital. Beck is an excellent surgeon but more than that, he’s compassionate and dedicated to his patients.
“Hey, you.”
The sound of his voice is like a balm to my soul and even the tiny sliver of pain that is attached now is worth it to have him in my life. I can’t help the way my stupid heart flutters wildly in my chest, but I can ignore it. Will there ever be a time when I don’t want this man? God, I hope so. “Hey, Beck.”
“How is the packing going?”
“That’s actually why I called. It’s moving day and I could do with a hand if you’re free?”
“Oh, I didn’t realize that was today.”
He’s lying and I can hear the playful tone in his voice that I love, but something sounds off too, and I can’t figure out why. There was a time when I knew every thought in this man’s head. Just from the sound of his voice, I could gauge his mood. Now he’s like a stranger in some ways and I hate it. I miss him, I miss us.
“Yep, all packed and ready for the next adventure. So how about it?”
I can feel the blood pounding in my ears as I wait for his answer and fight the need to pace my room.
“Uh, yeah, can you give me an hour or so? I’m just in the middle of something.”
