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Another sob and then I hear muffled talking before Audrey comes on the line.
“Beck.”
“Audrey, what the fuck is happening?”
“Someone sent pictures of you and Amelia kissing at Disney to the media, accompanied by pictures of you kissing her at the library today. It’s bad, Beck. They’re tearing you both apart.”
“I don’t give a fuck about me. Is she okay?”
“No, Xander won’t answer his phone and it’s breaking her heart.”
“He what?”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. Norrie spoke with him and he said he had to go to L.A. and now she can’t reach him.”
My hurt is buried underneath layers and layers of anger and concern. Anger because how the fuck could he treat her like this, and how could I be so careless to allow Amelia or Xander to be compromised. I’m also concerned because the two people I love are hurting and I don’t know how to fix it or if I even can.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just look after her until I get there, okay? My house has paps camped outside.”
“Ryker is sending a security team to get rid of them so don’t worry. I’ve got Amelia.”
I hang up and throw my phone on the bed, a roar ripping from my throat. I should have known this would happen. Secrets never end well, but I’m so disappointed in Xander if he’s done what I think he has, and that’s to allow his career to come before Amelia. Yet, I can’t help the worry that worms through me that he’s suffering too and I can’t be there for him this time.
23: Xander
My phone ringsin my hand and I clench it harder when I see his name. Beck has called me three times in the last five minutes and every single time I let it go to voicemail. I’m so angry at his careless disregard for my feelings, but also ashamed because he called me out and he was right. I am a coward and I’m still one now.
“Xander, are you listening to me?”
I shake my head and focus on Len, who’s been in damage control since the pictures leaked and the rumors began about me using Amelia so I could be with the handsome heart surgeon. There were always rumors about actors’ sexuality, and since I’d been snapped with Beck at the piano store, they had increased. Two handsome men being seen together always meant a story as far as the press was concerned. I’d wanted to reach out to her and tell her that wasn’t true. I love Amelia. I love them both and yet instead of telling Beck when he told me he loved me, I panicked. I still wasn’t too bothered by them though, the media does love a good cheating scandal, but then Len had lost his mind and started ranting about my image and how this would affect my chances of getting work and doubt had set in. Instead of calling her, I’d let him take over as I panicked and hid in L.A.
“What is it?”
“You need to make a statement.”
“And say what?” I still haven’t told Len the truth and that should be all the warning I need that I don’t trust him.
“That you’re heartbroken that Amelia chose to cheat on you and you believe you were duped by them to gain media attention for his career.”
I stop by the door to the deck that leads out to the pool of my L.A home. I don’t use it a lot, preferring to be closer to Norrie and Isaac. Christ, what must she think? “That’s not the truth and I’m not saying it.”
Len throws up his hands, his face going a mottled purple color. “Who fucking cares. We need to spin this and get the media attention away from what they’re saying about you and that man.”
His words piss me off and I advance on him angrily. “Watch your fucking mouth when you speak about him.”
He holds his hands up as I stand there snorting like an angry bull. I feel trapped, lost, and the two people I want to reach for are the ones who caused this mess.
“Fine, then we say nothing. We let the media storm play out. I’ll speak to the studio and calm the executives down.”
“Whatever you need to do, just fucking do it, Len.”
I wave him away. Hearing the front door slam, I head out back to the pool area but quickly head back inside when I see the news helicopters hovering overhead. Fucking parasites love people’s pain and suffering. I take the stairs two at a time to my gym on the second floor and close the door. I feel caged, like an animal in the zoo, so I quickly change into gym shorts and hit the treadmill. My mind whirls as the TV plays, showing images of Beck and Amelia at Disney. I know exactly when it was taken. I was waiting for food and she was upset with me for asking for a contract extension.
Beck is holding her close but not kissing her. He’s offering comfort and it’s beautiful and a side of him I love. He’s a healer through and through, and I hurt her with my actions, which were thoughtless and selfish.
I run until sweat is pouring down my back and chest, my legs are shaking with exertion, and I collapse to the floor in a sweaty heap. I stagger to my feet and grab a bottle of water from my fridge. I drink it down thirstily and sit on the floor of my gym, feeling utterly broken. I know how easy it would be to call someone and have them bring me something to numb the pain, to take it all away, but I won’t. No matter how tempted I am, I won’t do it.
Moving to the bedroom I strip and step in the shower, letting the warm water soothe my aching body. Yet nothing can soothe the pain in my chest and it’s worse knowing I’m doing this to myself, but I can’t stop.
