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“So it’s not him, it’s you?”
He paces, his agitation growing, and I know I need to back off. This has nothing to do with his job and everything to do with how he sees himself. I thought he kept his bi-sexuality a secret because he wanted privacy but it’s not. It’s because he feels ashamed of it, and by extension, me. “I should go.”
I have no idea what to do from here or where to go with us because this isn’t just about me.
“No, wait.”
Xander grabs me and crushes his mouth to mine in a desperate kiss filled with longing and passion and everything I know he feels for me. And that just crushes me more because I know he cares, and this is hurting him too, but he needs to decide. I hold his face between my hands as I drag my lips away from his and his head drops.
“I need to go.” I step away and head for the door, turning back once to see him looking at me, wretched heartbreak on his face. He looks lost and I can’t save him this time, even though I want to, but the truth is, I might be his destruction and I couldn’t live with that. “Find a meeting and go to it.”
He nods once and I let the door close on the man I’ve come to love. I know that I left a piece of my heart back in that penthouse.
I could go to Amelia’s and wait for her there but I need her now so I drive over to the library. I park outside and jog up the steps two at a time. No matter what else happens, this woman is my best friend. I don’t even know what I’ll say to her because I don’t know where I stand. I just know I need to feel her in my arms.
My head twists as I look for her, a frantic feeling in my chest. Then I spot her and everything settles a little, my world, which was teetering and unsure, stabilizes. I move over to her and she spots me, coming to her feet with a grin on her face that dims when she sees the look of anguish on mine that I can’t shake. I walk straight into her arms and lift her off her feet, burying my head in her neck. I hold her tight as her fingers stroke through my hair, comforting me without question. We stand like that for I don’t know how long and then when I can breathe again, I let her go.
“Talk to me, Beck.”
I hear a giggle and turn to see people staring at us so I shake my head. “Not here.”
Amelia seems to notice the attention too, so she gathers her stuff and we head for the exit.
“Come to my place.”
Amelia makes a face and I remember she has a night planned with the girls at Audrey’s tonight. “Shit, you have that thing with Audrey.”
“I can cancel.”
I shake my head. “No, don’t do that. This can wait. I just needed to see you and hold you.”
She cocks her head. “Are you sure? You seemed upset. Didn’t it go well with Xander?”
I have no intention of dropping this on her and giving her my burden to carry so I smile, knowing she can see through me. “Yeah, not much to say. I can tell you tomorrow.”
“You not staying at my place tonight?”
“I should probably stay at home. You’ll be late and I need to help get my mom settled.”
“Oh shit, that’s today? Are sure you don’t want me to cancel?”
God, this woman is so kind-hearted, always putting everyone else first. I cup her cheek and peck her lips. “No, go have fun and I’ll call you in the morning.”
I kiss her once more and walk away, my head scrambled from the conversation with Xander and knowing I have to get through this evening at my parents’ house.
This day needs to end, but it doesn’t, and I spend four hours helping my mom settle and explaining things to my dad. Her prognosis is good, she had very little in the way of deficits, and that was fucking lucky. I’m just getting in around ten o’clock when I get a text from Xander.
Xander: What the fuck, Beck. Are you trying to make me a laughingstock? I trusted you.
I blink in confusion and go to respond when my phone rings in my hand, Amelia’s name flashing across my screen. I answer with a sense of dread moving through my gut. Sobs ring through my ears and panic grips me around the throat. “Amelia, baby, what is it?”
“Th…they posted pictures, Beck. It’s all over the media.”
I try to make sense of her words, but the only thing that matters right this moment is making sure she’s okay. “Slow down, Tink. Take some deep breaths for me.”
I’m already grabbing my keys from the bowl by the door. When I step outside, I stop dead as I am mobbed by paparazzi shouting my name and shoving cameras in my face. Moving back, I slam the door and move back to my window, noting the volume of people who have swarmed my house. It’s so reminiscent of what happened with Harrison and Norrie that I shudder because it almost broke them, and I have a sinking feeling it’s the same for us.
“Tink, where are you?”
