Page 106 of Beautiful Chaos


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When I turn around, I see her standing at the bar, her hands resting on the granite top. She stares across the room with unfocused eyes. Unease trickles through me as I wonder what she’s thinking.

Walking around the island, I approach her slowly until I’m right behind her. A small part of me wonders if she’ll flinch away if I touch her.

I reach out with both hands, wrapping my fingers around her slim waist. Stepping forward, I press my front against her back. She doesn’t move or acknowledge that I’m there and my apprehension grows.

“Cat,” I say quietly, watching the side of her face.

She blinks and a rush of relief flows through me when her body relaxes back against mine.

“Does it make me a bad person to have enjoyed that?” she asks, her voice small, like she’s afraid to even ask the question. “I feel like it should.”

I turn her around and use one hand to tip her chin until she’s looking up at me. “It makes you human,” I tell her.

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Her tongue runs across her bottom lip. “It makes me feel less than what I should be.”

I tuck her closer against my chest and slide my fingers through her hair to the back of her head. “Would you have felt safe if he had been taken to jail? Even if he was convicted and spent the rest of his life in prison with no chance of parole, would you have felt safe?”

She immediately shakes her head. “No.”

“If he’s alive, there’s a chance he could be set free. And if that happened, he would come after us both and possibly hurt someone else. After everything he’s done, do you think he deserves to live?”

She shakes her head again.

“Do you think what I did to him tonight was justified?”

This time she nods. “Every. Single. Bit of it.”

Her answer almost makes me smile.

“If he had done this to someone else’s family, the exact same thing, and he was punished in the same way, would you fault the woman for watching and enjoying it? Would you blame the husband for ensuring he never touched his family again?”

This time, she takes a moment to answer. Her eyes move to the specks of blood on my shirt, and instead of disgust, her expression turns pensive. Slowly, she returns her gaze to mine.

“I could never blame you for what you did to Jimmy. You protected me from someone who was a threat, and would always be a threat, so long as he breathed.” Her hands move to my sides where she curls her fingers into the material of my shirt.

“It’s okay to have enjoyed what happened, Cat.” I run my thumb across her cheek. “It doesn’t make you a lesser person. He’s hurt us in unimaginable ways. To watch him suffer, knowing he’ll never get another chance to do more damage, is normal, because you know the threat of him is gone forever. It’s a step to moving forward.”

“Thank you.”

My brows pinch. “For what?”

“For being the man you are. For loving me as much as you do. For staying by my side, even when I know it had to be difficult at times.”

I dip my knees, bringing my face closer to hers, lowering my voice. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ll ever do in my life. Staying by your side is the only place I’ll ever be. And I’m the man I am today only because of you.”

ChapterForty

Caterina

Istare at the little white stick, my eyebrows drawn down and my stomach spinning like it has been through a speed cycle in a washing machine. I’m not sure how I feel about the results. Having a baby right now probably isn’t the best idea. I’m still very much in the grieving stage of losing Eliana and Ryder, despite it being five years since they were taken. My head was protecting me from a horrific past, but it also hindered my healing process.

My eyes return to the stick and its single blue line.

Not pregnant.

There’s a part of me that’s relieved that we won’t have a baby in the next however many months. Yet, a bigger part of me, one I didn’t even realize existed, aches with longing.

Having a child, a little baby to cherish and love, would be a blessing. Hunter was a wonderful father to our children. He was a natural from the first moment he held Eliana in his arms. The look in his eyes told me she would have him wrapped around her little finger in no time. And she did. He would have done anything to make our daughter smile and laugh. But she was always my little princess. Each morning, she sat at my vanity as I dressed and got ready for the day. We’d talk and laugh about anything and everything. She was my best friend, and I was hers.

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