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“But there are also things to be happy about, right?” I ask.
“Maybe.” She gazes down at our hands for a moment before lifting her head. “But sometimes I feel like the bad stuff far outweighs the good. So much so that I feel like I’m drowning in it, and I won’t ever resurface.”
I squeeze her fingers. “Sometimes I get sad too.”
“You do?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“How do you make it go away?”
“I think about the person I love most in the world. The only person capable of making my heart beat fast one moment and slow the next. She takes my breath away, but is the reason I breathe. She’s my heart and owns my soul so completely that I would no longer exist without her by my side.”
Some of the melancholy fades from Cat’s face as she takes in my words. “She must be pretty special.”
“She’s more than just special. She’s everything.”
“Who is she?” she asks hesitantly.
I wait a few seconds before I say her own name. “Caterina.”
Something flickers in her eyes, and I wonder if Athena will acknowledge the name. But after a moment, she turns her head forward and rests her chin back on her knees.
It’s difficult to tell if Athena is truly aware of who Cat is or if she’s protecting herself by forgetting, just like Cat did with the memories of our children.
“I did something horrible.” Cat’s sorrowful voice has me looking at her closely.
I have a feeling I know what she’s about to say, but I ask her anyway. “What did you do?”
“I forgot about them.” She turns her head so her cheek lays on her knees and her eyes are directed at me.
“You had your reasons,” I say quietly.
“There is no good enough reason to forget your children, Hunter. Nothing can excuse that.” A tear leaks from the corner of her eye and splashes on her knee.
“Sometimes we don’t have control of our minds, Athena. Sometimes our choices are taken from us. And in some cases, our bodies go into protective mode, doing whatever possible to avoid harm. You didn’t forget them because you didn’t love and care for them. You did it to protect yourself. You did it because you had no other choice if you wanted to survive.”
Hope flashes in her eyes. “You really think so?”
“Yes.”
She’s quiet for a moment, then replies, “Maybe.”
We sit for a few more minutes without saying anything. Occasionally, Ginger pops in to check on her sister, but I wave her off.
I get to my feet, keeping her hand in mine. “Come on. Let’s get you off the floor.”
Using her hand, I help her to her feet then walk her to the bed. I smile when she crawls on top of the mattress like a kid would. She catches my smile when she turns and sits.
“What?”
I wipe the look off my face and mutter, “Nothing.”
She settles back on the pillows, her eyes following me as I pull the chair by the window beside the bed. It’s after nine at night, so I know Cat has to be exhausted. Whenever one of her personalities emerges, it always exhausts her. Since it’s usually during the day when Cat comes to The Grove, I’m not sure how this is going to play out.
After a few minutes, Athena’s eyes close and her breathing evens out. Seeing her like this, asleep in a room that’s not ours, reminds me too much of when Athena was here before. Back when she considered dying a better choice than being haunted by the memories of that horrific night.
Those were some of the darkest nights of my life, and I don’t wish to relive them.
