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Cass hears my heels clicking on the tiles and glances up, taking in the precious baby in my arms. A brilliant smile comes over her face, and her eyes fill with subtle tears. “Oh, look at you,” she coos to the baby as she lifts her out of my arms. “You are the most beautiful creature in the world.”
Jax appears from around the corner and grabs the diaper bag off the table, slinging it over his shoulder, doing what he can to be helpful. With everyone ready, we all head out to his truck. There’s going to be a celebration of Sara’s life here after the funeral, so I jump in Jax’s truck, knowing I’m just going to end up here later anyway.
We arrive at the church, and I find it packed with Sara’s friends and family, some who I know well, and some I’m only meeting for the first time today. We head on in and find Sean right up front, greeting everyone and putting on a show, pretending to be cheerful when we all know he’s absolutely wrecked inside.
Knowing Carter is bound to be here somewhere, I scan the pews until I find him standing in the front of the church. He’s wearing a suit that fits him just right, and something dies inside of me as I’m hit with the fleeting thought of him waiting for me at the very end of the church’s center aisle on our wedding day.
Shit. I can’t go there. Not today.
The last time I saw him in a suit was Cassie’s wedding, the night he realized we couldn’t continue, and it’s a stark reminder of the white suit jacket that lives rent-free in the bottom of my closet. I try my hardest to push the thoughts away, needing today to be about Sara, not my broken heart.
Tearing my gaze from Carter, I make my way down the aisle with Cass and Jax, doing everything in my power not to look his way again. I push the stroller to give myself a distraction and head straight for Sean, stepping right into him and giving him a big hug. The second I pull back, he glances down at his little girl, his lips pressing into a hard line as if trying not to break. “How’s she doing?” he asks quietly.
“Good,” I say with an encouraging smile before taking a risk. “She could really use her daddy.”
He doesn’t respond, just watches her with longing, and I dip down into the stroller and pull the sleeping beauty out. “Here,” I say, handing her over.
Sean starts to object, but I thrust her toward him and deposit her right into his arms. He awkwardly takes her from me, and I keep quiet as he adjusts her, getting comfortable. She instantly lets out a sigh and snuggles in closer, as if knowing perfectly well that her daddy’s got her now.
Sean falls in love with her right before my eyes, and I realize this must be the first time he’s actually held her. He shuffles over toward the front pew and takes a seat, ignoring all the people around him, each one of them solely here as a reminder of everything he’s lost.
This was Sara’s gift to him, and maybe all he needs is a moment to catch up.
I look around and see all eyes are on him. Cassie has soft tears falling from her eyes, while Logan and Carter look ridiculously identical, the heartbreak and sorrow written all over their faces.
Sean puts his finger into her little hand, and it crushes my heart to see his daughter latch onto it like she’ll never let go. I take a seat beside him and look down at the sweet baby. “I think she misses her mommy,” I tell him honestly.
“Why?” he questions.
“Because she spent the last nine months loving her unconditionally. Sara cradled her and talked to her every day. I know they didn’t get a chance to bond face-to-face, but I like to think that she knew who her mommy was.”
“Thanks, Bri,” he says with sincerity.
“She’s the closest link to Sara that you’ll ever have,” I tell him. “Embrace that. Don’t push her away.”
“Never,” he whispers as he looks down at his baby girl who resembles her mother in the most incredible way.
The priest approaches Sean and lets him know it’s time to get started, and with a nod, Sean hands the baby over to me and rounds up the boys. They head outside while the guests take their seats, and I lean over to Cass, letting her know that I’ll watch the baby during the funeral. She’s performing a few songs during the ceremony and I can give her one less thing to worry about.
A few minutes later, the priest welcomes everybody while Cassie gets up and adjusts the microphone. Music starts and the words of Hallelujah flow freely from her mouth, filling the church with its heartbreaking sound.
