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The triplets come in slowly, holding Sara’s coffin along with Jax, her father, and her cousin. Watching them walk down the aisle breaks me, and tears start flowing from my eyes as I hold my dear friend’s child while I tell her goodbye.
Nothing on this earth will ever make this moment okay.
Death is such a natural thing. It happens all the time, and eventually, it happens to us all. So why is it so hard to say goodbye?
The boys place Sara down gently at the front of the church and take their seats. Sean sits down on my right and reaches for the baby while Carter sits to my left. He pulls my hand into his and I allow him to, as quite frankly, I need him more than anything. I know letting go later is going to destroy me, but I can’t find it within me to care. I need this just as much as he does.
We don’t look at each other, and I think it’s better that way. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles and gives me all the comfort he can offer. All I want in this moment is to curl into him and cry, but I hold myself together because, as much as I hate it, I’m no longer his, and I’m not entitled to that luxury anymore.
When Cassie’s song ends, she comes to sit with Jax, tears in her eyes as the priest gets started.
The time comes for Sean’s eulogy, and it’s the most difficult thing to witness. He stands before the congregation with bloodshot eyes and takes a shaky breath. He waits a moment, finding it too hard to start, but then looks at his daughter to find the strength.
He starts talking about the type of wife and friend Sara was, telling us all how they met in high school and fell in love over movie dates and stupid parties. The further he gets through his speech, the harder the words are for him to deliver until grief completely takes over, and he can no longer go on.
Carter releases my hand and rises beside me before making his way to the altar. He embraces his brother before taking the speech out of his hands and making my tears fall that much stronger.
Sean takes his seat beside me, weeping with undeniable grief, and I hand him his baby girl, realizing he needs her now more than ever. He greedily takes her and pulls her right up to his face, holding her to him and taking comfort in her.
Carter watches Sean with tears in his eyes, but he remains strong just as I knew he would. He quickly searches through Sean’s speech, and not a moment later, picks up where his brother left off.
It’s hard to listen to the words spilling out of Carter’s mouth, the agony and grief in his tone, every new sentence of Sean’s eulogy tearing me to shreds. And as Carter finishes Sean’s speech, pride surges through me for how he so effortlessly stood in front of all these people and poured his heart out through Sean’s words, knowing these people needed to hear Sean and Sara’s story. But I wouldn’t have expected anything less, that’s the kind of man he is.
Carter returns to my side and eagerly scoops my hand into his, and it doesn’t go unnoticed how he holds onto me a little bit tighter. Completing Sean’s speech definitely took a toll on his heart.
Cass gets up and sings At Last, and I realize this is the song she sang at Sean and Sara’s wedding for their first dance. I wasn’t there, but I’ve seen that moment caught on video, and it was just as beautiful as it is now. More tears spill from my eyes, and before I know it, Cassie’s song is coming to an end and we’re heading to the cemetery.
I thought it couldn’t get much worse than listening to Sean’s words in the church or hearing him as he wept beside me, but standing at Cassie’s side, holding onto her as we watch the boys lower Sara into the ground is easily the hardest part of the day.
One by one, the guests leave the cemetery, leaving just us and Sara’s closest friends and family behind. Everybody who stays behind receives an offer to come to Cassie’s place for dinner and a celebration of Sara’s life, and as expected, every single one of them shows up.
We sit around the massive living room, each with a drink in hand, toasting to our memories of the woman we never wanted to say goodbye to.
Sean sits with the baby in his arms, feeding her a bottle while everyone goes around the circle, telling their favorite stories of Sara. There’s laughter, tears, smiles, and sobs coming from every direction of the room, and it’s heartbreakingly beautiful, everything that Sara deserves.
