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“I heard you gave Corbin his first kiss when you guys were teenagers.” I was fascinated by their stories because I never had that. Archer and I were chill, and he was doing me a solid with this job, but we didn’t have the kind of relationship the Beach Bums had. I wasn’t sure many people in the world did.
“Yep.”
I waited a moment for him to elaborate, and when he didn’t, I prompted, “And?”
“And what? We kissed. The end.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why? How did that come about? I don’t know. Just making conversation, Mr. One-Word Answers.”
He pointed a rib at me. “Be nice. This is my day, right?”
It was, and I was surprised he’d acknowledged what I was doing. “Ugh. I guess. Please tell me your stories, Marcus. I want to know everything about you.”
His nose wrinkled up, and I had to admit, that likely wasn’t something I should have said, but it was true. Marcus sighed. “I’ve told you some about him already, and at the time, he was having a down day, feeling low about himself. Some kids had played a prank on him. He was talking to someone online, kinda like how we’d met, only it was people from his school. Corb thought it was a boy like him—queer and insecure. He’d kept it from me. I think he knew I would go all…well, me about it. I would have doubted this kid was who he said he was, and Corbin needed him to be what he wanted. It’s not always easy to deal with someone who tells it like it is.”
“No, but you never do it in a hurtful way, and it always comes from the heart.” It was only because Marcus loved his friends so much. And also, I thought his realism was a way of protecting himself and those he cared about.
“That doesn’t mean it can’t hurt. So…he goes to meet with this punk, thinking he’s going to get his first kiss. Only it was a group of assholes from school, and they made fun of him for it. He came to see me afterward, and…I just wanted to help. I told him the truth, that he was beautiful and that I loved him. When he stopped crying and felt better, he said he would rather his first kiss be with someone he loved too and asked if I would do it, so I did.”
That was…fuck, I didn’t even know how to describe that. “I think that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”
Marcus rolled his eyes. “He chose me because he knew exactly what it would be with me. Yes, I loved him, but it didn’t mean anything beyond that. It was simply giving a friend something he needed.”
“He chose you because you’re his best friend and you’re a good man, and he knew it would be truly special if it was with you.” It didn’t surprise me when Marcus shrugged off my comment. “You do a lot for them.”
“They do a lot for me. I don’t think…” He shook his head. “I don’t think I ever felt like my existence was important or like I was needed until I had them. I hadn’t experienced what love felt like, if that makes sense. It was this thing I knew I had. The way I was provided for, the things I was given, the way my folks wanted what was best for me. Those things are love, but they don’t feel like the heart of it. Like, it’s always at a distance rather than up close and personal the way it is with the Beach Bums. My folks can give me shit, they can give me fucking everything, but I can’t do the same for them. What do they need from me? Not affection and attention the way Corbin does. They don’t need me the way Declan did when his parents would take off or treat him like shit. They don’t need to be reassured the way Park does. Fuck. Ignore me. I can’t believe I said all that.”
For a moment, all I could do was watch him. What did you say to something like that? It was deep and honest and both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Corbin, Parker, and Declan were so lucky to be loved by Marcus and to have the privilege to love him in return.
Chapter Twenty-One
Marcus
I couldn’t read the expression on Kai’s face, and I’d never wanted to take my words back as much as I did right then. What the fuck kind of pull did he have on me? How did he get this shit out of me without even trying? Why did he make me want to give him more?
I was too fucking raw today, and that wasn’t something I allowed myself to feel very often. Usually I was good at compartmentalizing that, putting it away into little boxes in the back of my head. Even with the Beach Bums, I was able to do that because it was easier to be there for them. And I loved being there for them rather than letting them in on my shit, but for whatever reason, with Kai I couldn’t stop.
