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“I like you,” he said, surprising me. He’d said it before, but it sounded different now.
“Excuse me?” Maybe not the best thing to say, but it was what came out.
“I like you, and I don’t totally know what I mean by that, so I don’t want you to freak out and run. I know what this is—sex and friendship. And I’m planning on moving soon, but I also don’t want to lie to you. I like you in a way I’ve never liked someone I was fucking before. That’s all I know for now.”
I wasn’t often left speechless, but Kai had done it, and in fact, every time I did feel this way, it was because of him.
I waited for the urge to hit me to do exactly what he’d said and run. Well, not run because I didn’t really work that way, but to tell him there was no point in liking me and to remind him we were just fucking, but neither of those things happened. I almost didn’t believe my own voice when I said, “I like you too…but I haven’t sorted through how I feel about that.”
“You and me both. I mean…fucking hell, yeah, because you’re Marcus and you’re fine and have a big heart, but I’m twenty-six and don’t even know what the hell I’m doing with my life, so falling for a man isn’t smart.”
“Yeah, well, I’m thirty-five, and I don’t think it’s smart for me either.”
“At least we’re on the same page.”
“There’s that, but also…I wouldn’t know the first thing about being in a relationship. They’re not easy. While I’m a workaholic in other ways, I’m not sure I’m cut out for that kind of pressure.”
“Do you believe that?”
“Which part?”
“That you don’t know the first thing about being in one. Jesus, Marcus. For someone who tells others to be real and who usually is in other areas of his life, you don’t see yourself clearly at all. I’m not sure I’ve ever met someone who would be better in a relationship than you…who loves the way you do.” I almost swallowed my tongue before he added, “I’m not saying you love me. I meant your friends. Let yourself see how incredible you are.”
“I see myself just fine.” I shifted uncomfortably.
“Liar, liar, pants on fire. But we’ll deal with that another time. The food’s getting cold. I have one more question. What do we do? Just keep on keeping on while knowing we like each other, but because of life, it likely won’t go anywhere?”
I shrugged. The only other answer was to stop spending time with him, and I sure as shit wasn’t doing that. For the first time since my three best friends, I looked forward to spending time with someone who I knew felt the same for me. “I can’t think of a better answer. As long as we’re honest and we’re both realistic about what this is.”
Kai laughed. “Oh, Daddy, you and your damn realism.”
“Stop being ornery,” I said, chuckling too.
“So…you’ve liked me for a long time, huh? That’s why you took me up to your room to mess around?”
Well, this was going too far. “I thought you only had one more question and you were gonna stop being ornery?” When he shrugged, I said, “I’m not answering that shit.” But on some level he was right, and I knew my not answering told him that.
“Mm-hm,” Kai replied flirtatiously. “I’ll let it go for now.”
We ate together and stopped talking about feelings and liking each other and all that stuff that made me uncomfortable. Kai could cook like no one’s business, and I made sure to tell him that more than once. When we were done, we stripped out of our clothes and got into the hot tub. It was getting dark, stars beginning to make an appearance.
Kai said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Nope,” I teased.
“Ha-ha. Seriously, though…and this has nothing to do with me liking you in that way, but…I need to go see my family, and my mama is curious about this sugar daddy I told her I’m living with.”
“Kai…”
“So I was thinking…”
I was going to kill him. “Kai, you’d better not have told your family that.”
He laughed. “No, I didn’t. I told her we’re friends. But she’s curious about you because I’m her baby and she loves me, so she wants to make sure you’re not an asshole. So I was wondering if you would be willing to come with me to see them this weekend. We won’t tell them we’re fucking.”
“I should hope not, but knowing you…”
“Jerk.” He blew me a kiss. “Meet my family. You’re important to me, so you’ll be important to them. I want you to have that.”
My fucking heart nearly exploded. He was going to kill me because the things that were going on inside me when he said that… Fuck, I didn’t know how to accept them. How I would deal with it when he took them away.
