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“What the fuck? Bastian is sexy,” Declan replied.
“Wait. Let me pull out my phone and video-record the two of you arguing about whose man is hotter.” Corbin reached for his cell.
“Ha-ha,” Parker added. “Next we just have to get Corb to fall for someone and—”
“If you finish that sentence, I swear we’re not friends anymore, Parker Hansley-Weaver. I will not settle down ever!”
Declan cocked a brow. “Pretty sure that’s what Marcus and I thought too.”
“How about we continue the show now?” I said, reaching over to put my hand on Corbin’s thigh. I didn’t know if he needed it, but I was normally good at foreseeing these things. With all of us being coupled up now, I didn’t want it to make him feel alone. “I was doing some research on queer history, and I found information on Bayard Rustin.”
“I don’t know that name,” Parker said.
“Yeah, most people don’t. This is the history we haven’t been taught. Bayard Rustin was a queer activist who advised Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. He helped with the March on Washington, participated in Freedom Rides, and that’s just the beginning. The sad part is because he was gay, he mostly worked behind the scenes.” Which was shitty when you thought about it. “In the eighties he started doing more work for queer rights. He was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2013. In 2020 he was pardoned by California’s governor. He’d been arrested in 1953 because he was caught having sex with men. He had to register as a sex offender because of it.”
“Shit,” Dec said.
Corbin was shaking his head. “God, that shit is so fucked up.”
Parker said, “It’s important to remember and acknowledge the trailblazers. Without them, we wouldn’t be sitting here doing this podcast right now.” And he was right. We wouldn’t.
We finished recording our episode, and once we’d shared information about our sponsors, I turned off the equipment. I didn’t move because I knew we’d all have this out, and I’d rather do it with just the four of us than in front of Kai, Elliott, and Sebastian. “Let’s get this over with,” I said.
Parker sighed. “I want you to be happy. You and Kai are great together, but I’m worried you’re gonna get hurt. He’s leaving. You have your first real relationship at thirty-five, and it’s long-distance?”
He was right. There was no doubt he was. Relationships were hard to make work in any circumstances, but add in the distance… I was smart enough to know we were doomed from the start.
I rested my elbows on the table, rubbing my eyes with one hand. “What do you think I should do? This is your territory, Park. I…” Loved Kai. I didn’t know how to say that to them, though. I’d heard those three words from the men in this room more than from anyone else in my life, so if anyone would know, it would be them.
“Maybe he’ll stay,” Declan replied.
“But should he have to?” We all knew the reasons Kai had the right to leave and why he should.
After a few minutes of silence, Corbin said softly, “Why are we pretending Marcus couldn’t go with him if he wanted to?”
Declan and Parker were silent, but my firm “No” echoed through the room.
“So it’s okay to expect him to make a change and not you?” Corbin countered.
“I don’t expect him to do shit. That’s why I’m not asking him. You and I already went over this. It’s not happening. Kai and I will do the long-distance thing for as long as it works, and that’s that.” The words alone felt like they were ripping apart my heart. I didn’t know what our expiration date was, but I knew we had one.
“Don’t do this for me, Marcus.”
I groaned. “Jesus, Corb. Can we not have this discussion again?”
“I’m serious. I fucking know you. It would kill me if shit got fucked up with you guys because you feel some misplaced responsibility for me.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want me to go!” I said too loudly, and everyone in the room jumped. “He didn’t ask. This is a really exciting time for him, Corb, so remember that’s a real possibility too. He’s starting a new life, and he deserves that. He wants to be on his own, and dragging his overbearing boyfriend with him isn’t getting his independence. And I know you think it’s just you—all of you—needing me, but…” How in the fuck did I even finish that sentence? As much as I loved them, as many times as I’d been there for them, I hadn’t told them I needed them too.
One look around the room at the compassion and heart returned to me from each of their stares, and I knew I didn’t have to. They knew.
“But you need him more, and that’s okay,” Corb said.
