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“What’s holding you back, Sidney?”
Self-preservation came to mind.
I forced a laugh. “What do you think Selena would think about this conversation?”
“I haven’t seen her since the day you brought it up. She was never important.” He gestured between us. “This is important.”
His words sent warmth down my spine, but what could I say to that?
He lowered his gaze to mine, chest expanding against my chest as he breathed me in. “Are you afraid that I’ll just take off on you? I’m not. I want to see where this goes.”
My heart skipped at his words. “Youareleaving.”
Jax’s fingers grazed my skin as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “We don’t have to be over just because I’m going to Boston.”
He would be literally a country away. My eyes burned, and I fought back tears, wishing I didn’t know exactly how that story ends. I swallowed hard and pushed my words out. “I don’t want to make this into something that it can’t be. I want to be friends.”
Jax lowered his mouth to my neck. “We both know that’s not true.”
His dark voice sent a shiver down my spine. This time, he noticed the shiver that ran through me and gently grazed his fingertips up my bare arms. “I know you, Sid. I know you don’t want to walk away. Say it.”
He leaned back, searching my eyes, and waited for my answer.
The dangerous part was he was right. This fire was threatening to consume me. I stepped into him and nodded, not quite ready to speak. He grabbed my coat and held out his free hand, guiding me to his room. He held the door open at the top, forcing me to duck under his arm, and it reminded me of when we first met, racing through the halls, opening every door we could. He smiled, tapped under my chin with his knuckle, and stepped inside.
I stiffened when he sat on the bed, but he pulled me to him, sliding me over his lap to the other side of him. My legs remained draped over his, and my body was tucked into his chest.
I tried not to dwell on the normalcy of being here like this. There was nothing changing our future. We were two trains heading toward each other until their inevitable crash. Unable to stop, no matter how hard they break, the impact leaving the wreckage of us. My chest ached at the thought.
Sensing my emotions, he gently guided my eyes to his. He placed a light kiss between my brows and moved back, eyes boring into mine. “It’ll be worth it, Sid. Whatever it is you’re thinking, it’s worth it.”
I cuddled deeper, knowing that no matter what was coming, there was no getting off this track. I just hoped he understood what it would cost us.
He tilted my head, waiting until my eyes met his. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I like you.” I tried to shrug nonchalantly, but I ruined it by looking away.
His chest pressed against my side as he took a deep breath. “I see… I like you too.” His fingers brushed over mine, and I tightened my jaw, suppressing the urge to entwine them.
“So… what exactly is the issue?” His voice was raw and hesitant.
“You know in movies where they do this ‘let’s just be friends’ thing?”
His brows furrowed, but he nodded.
“Well, everyone knows that doesn’t end well. They end up catching feelings and spend the whole time pretending they didn’t until they inevitably end up together.”
“We can skip all that bullshit in the middle.”
My throat burned as I pushed out the words. “Except we can’t because we won’t end up together, and developing feelings for you and then trying to pretend that we’re friends after sounds horrible to me.”
He swallowed and nodded. “You think if we have sex that you’ll develop deeper feelings?”
“Pretty much,” I said, giving him a quick nod, still not meeting his gaze.
His fingers traced my jaw as he lifted my face. Pausing, he waited until my eyes met his. “Yeah, well, me too. I’m not exactly following here.”
“Jax, you’re going to Boston. I’m so happy for you… but can’t wait around for you to pop in and out of my life. I can’t live like that.”
