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I unclasp the buttons but keep my shirt closed so he can’t see what’s underneath until I’m ready. I take a deep breath, meet his eyes, and pull my shirt apart to expose my white lace bra. It isn’t until I drop the blouse on the floor behind me that he looks down and his face pales.
“Laurel, what the fuck?” Cas chokes out as his chest begins heaving with labored breaths. His reaction is surprising. To him, all this should mean is that I’m defying his father’s god in my own hidden way. His eyes jerk back up to mine and he looks almost hurt. Voice breaking, he asks, “You too?”
“Me too, what?” I ask in confusion.
“You worship the Goddess, too?”
“How… how do you know about the Goddess? And who else are you talking about?”
“Are you telling me you don’t really know?” There is confusion mixed with doubt in his eyes, but when I shake my head no, he closes his eyes and drops his forehead to rest against my sternum. “Hop up,” he says quietly. “I guess I need to show you something.”
Intrigued, I move off him and pick my shirt up off the floor. I don’t bother to button it again as I follow Cas down the hallway to what appears to be a home office. There’s a large hope chest placed against a wall that I immediately recognize as his mom’s. I loved that piece and always hoped to inherit it from her some day to keep my own special things and secrets locked inside. She never let us open it, but promised one day she would let me. A moment of melancholy hits me as I realize I will never have that moment with her, but as Cas hands me a small key I tell myself that doing it with him is almost as good.
I drop to my knees on the floor in front of the chest and run my hands lovingly across the gleaming wood. Before even attempting to open it I offer a prayer of remembrance for Mrs. Addamson, hoping that she’d be happy I’m about to discover her secrets. The key glides easily in the lock and the top immediately releases to reveal a dark gap. Hesitation fills me, so Cas steps up to my side and lifts the lid for me.
In shock, I fall back on my ass and immediately rethink every interaction I had ever had with Mrs. Addamson. Did she know? Is that why she always treated me as a daughter?
A pristine white robe is folded gently at the top of the items that are within the chest with a High Priestess pendant.
“Do you have any idea what this is? Did you keep this from me too?”
“No,” I answer in a daze. “I had no idea.” I stare into the open chest and after a moment, I just start laughing. Full out, slightly hysterical laughing. Cas must think I’m losing my mind. I may be, but come on. This is fucking hilarious! The Reverant is a man who has always prided himself on being in control of everyone and everything, especially his family. To know his own wife was a High Priestess right under his nose? To know that she would have been worshiping our Goddess in his own home? She is my hero.
“I’m sorry,” I wheeze as I force myself to calm. “It’s just… knowing she was High Priestess while your father was Reverant? I loved your mom, but damn. She was a warrior.”
“I don’t understand any of this. High Priestess of what? Or who? And if you didn’t know, how are you connected?” His almost frantic need to understand what is going on sobers me instantly. He must have found this after she died and had no one to ask for answers.
I lift the robe out of the chest and bring it to my nose to see if I can still smell her. The scent of her perfume is faint and mixed with the cedar from the chest, but smelling it on this robe is like being in her arms for one of her famous hugs. I cradle it to my chest as I turn back to him, feeling a tear running down my cheek.
“Shit, are you ok?” he asks, reaching up to wipe it away with his thumb.
“I am. I just miss her. And I’m shocked, frankly. But this makes me feel closer to her than I was before.” As much as I want to dive in and find out what else is in the chest immediately, I need to answer his questions first. “I honestly had no idea that she followed the Goddess,” I promise before musing, “I wonder if she would have ever told me. Or damn, if my moms knew.”
“Your moms? Them too? What the fuck, Laur?” Before I can start explaining, the oven timer goes off. The robe goes back in the chest and I close and lock it for now. Cas waves me off when I try to hand him back the key. “It seems to be more for you than me.”
I pocket the key and follow him to the kitchen and help get everything ready for us to eat. When we’re settled at the table I explain the Separation and how the followers of the Goddess have had to worship in secret in order to stay safe from people like his father. So many Priestesses go through the motions of worshiping the Bright God to stay under the radar. We may not live in a society that allows human sacrifice any longer but that doesn’t mean we can’t be harmed in other ways.
“That’s why Marian was so frantic when Dad went by. She thought he was going to hurt you because you follow this Goddess?”
“I don’t think he knows, he wouldn’t be able to hide that. My moms have followed the Goddess my entire life. They actually met at the temple, but they didn’t tell me about Her until I was a teen.”
“Why then?” he asks, interrupting before I can tell him.
“I was begging them to be allowed to stop attending worship. The flock treated me so horribly for so long and I was tired of it and didn’t understand why they would let it continue. They sat me down and told me about who they truly worshiped and how important it is to remain hidden. I started joining them and a few other followers in the area for worship, and chose my college so I could go to the same temple where Mom first worshiped. I quickly became High Priestess and was asked to remain to lead them after I graduated, but when Mom got sick they asked me to come home. I’m not only helping her while she’s in treatment, I took over for her as High Priestess as well.
“As far as your mom goes, I have no idea where she learned of the Goddess. Did you read her journal? There should be answers in there.”
“I didn’t,” he admits sheepishly. “I saw the white robe and it was so much the opposite of everything I knew about her that I didn't know what to do with it. I was only able to read part of the first page, but I stopped when I saw mention of a goddess. I kept telling myself I would go through it one day but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it yet.”
“I’d like to, if you don’t mind. She wasn’t a part of our circle, but she would have known that we were here. There had to be a reason she was hiding.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
After dinner Cas insists that he cleans up alone while I go back to the chest. I think he just isn’t ready to look through the items that are inside, which I can respect. I place the robe gently on the floor next to me and turn back to see what else is inside. The journal I knew would be there is on top. It’s a thick, well loved leather tome with the mark of our Goddess on the cover. I place it to the side of the robe because I’ll want to read it from cover to cover once I begin. Cloth wrapped bundles line the next layer of items, and I go through them one at a time. It’s all of the things she’d need for formal worship. Candles, herbs, incense, oils, and an old version of a call book that I’ve never seen before.
The last layer of white turns out to be a collection of the robes and gowns that are worn as a Priestess and before. I’m shocked that the smallest size is one for an infant blessing, and it’s so old it has to be hers. I spin, clutching the garment to my chest as Cas knocks on the doorframe, alerting me to his presence. “Have you gotten the answers that you wanted?”
“I’m not sure. Your parents were in an arranged marriage, right?”
