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“That’s what they’ve told me, why?”
“Because I think your mom was raised by a follower. It just doesn’t make sense why she’d agree to marry him. Not to mention the fact that he’s just an asshole.”
Cas rolls his eyes and kneels next to me. “Let’s put this stuff back to keep it safe. Maybe that journal can fill in the gaps.”
He’s struggling with the sea of white when he’s been raised to believe it’s forbidden, so I quickly return everything to the proper place and lock it away again. Standing, he holds his hand out to help me up and I gladly accept it. “Are you ok?” I ask, worried. Especially since he’s still holding my hand tightly.
“Oh, yeah. I’m just spiffy.”
“Spiffy?” I laugh. “Sounds like it. If this is too much, we can do it later. Or I can do it at home.”
“No, let’s figure this out and talk about where we go from here.” We make our way to the living room and he pulls me with him to the oversized chair and down into his lap. “So, explain to me why you knew she’d have this. Does everyone? Is this something that is required?”
“It’s not required, but most do. I started one when I learned of the Goddess, and another once I became High Priestess. We document our journey, struggles, worship, and experiences. We keep our secrets there too, so that’s why I think our answers will be here.”
“Alright then, let’s get started.”
We read together for hours and did find our answers after all.
Like I thought, she was raised by parents that followed the Goddess. It is rare for men to follow Her, but it does happen. Her father acted as an Elder of the Bright God so they could fly under the radar, and she was ultimately promised to the future Reverant in marriage, even though she didn’t like him. As the Reverant’s wife, her job was to watch what he did closely and redirect his attention when she felt there was danger of her circle being discovered. After being married for a few years and almost being caught a few times, Mrs. Addamson decided to step down as High Priestess of the local circle. They did not have a temple of their own at the time, though, so after the Reverant treated her particularly badly one day, she decided to allow them to worship in her husband’s temple in secret.
The Mother’s followers would sneak into the temple in the dark of night to practice in a location that they once would have been killed for entering. The majority of the followers and Priestesses were members of the Reverant’s flock, and because of this they especially reveled in knowing they were letting their own light shine in a venue where it was forbidden. Even better, they were doing it under the radar of the direct descendant of the man who set them up for persecution.
“Shit,” Cas exhales heavily. “Do they still do that? Meet there, I mean.”
“No, not anymore. I personally never knew your mom was the one allowing us entrance, but I have a feeling Mom did as High Priestess.”
“Explain this to me. Tell me why my mom would live a life of absolute misery instead of finding someone else who could actually make her happy.”
“The Mother is the exact opposite of everything the Bright God is. While he covets light and ensures his followers kneel before him, She teaches us that the true light is within ourselves. He persecutes, She elevates.” I shrug and look at him as I blindly turn to the next page. “It’s like being surrounded by the light of love instead of… I don’t know. A void? There’s no love or warmth with him…” My voice fades out as I look back down and see my name scrawled across the top of the page. Cas is speaking to me, but my attention is completely focused on reading the page in front of me.
Laurel,
I believe you will be the person to find this, because the Mother will bring you back home to my son and circle. I knew when Cas first brought you home you were special, and I only wish I could have been part of your introduction to our Goddess. I was so happy when you finally learned of her.Your mothers didn’t have to tell me, I could easily see her light shining within you once you knew she was there.
You may think I am weak for staying with such an awful man and playing the part of the dutiful and faithful wife, but I promise you there is a reason. Not long after my father was approached for my hand, I had a vivid dream that I believe was directly from the Mother. I was standing in a small space with two different hallways extending in opposite directions and was being given a choice. The first was filled with what looked to be living shadows that reached for me, but from time to time when they moved I could glimpse a brilliant light at the end of that darkness. The second hall looked much safer and more inviting because it was filled with a warm light. Knowing I had to make a choice, I began to move towards the second when I finally saw past the comfort to the final destination.
To my horror, I found a deep, pure blackness in the distance. As I watched it began steadily moving closer, swallowing the light as it advanced. Afraid, I turned and ran in the other direction, straight into the greedy, grasping arms of the shadows. I called out to the Mother for aid, fought against the force that tried to keep me back, and after what felt like years I finally broke through. I fell to my knees and fought to catch my breath until I saw two delicate feet move into my line of sight. Bending further, I attempted to prostrate myself in front of her.
When she spoke to me... it was as if my entire life had been building to this moment. “Do not debase yourself, Daughter. Stand and let me look at you.” I obeyed immediately and gasped when I took in her beauty. She smiled proudly and continued, “I thought you would make the right choice. You always have, and I believe you always will. You will have a similar choice to make soon enough. Will you choose the easy path that will end in ruin for us all? Or will you sacrifice your happiness for that of your future child and all my children?”
My Goddess was standing in front of me, and she was giving me a choice? I was nothing compared to her, a single grain of sand standing next to Her ocean. She could order me to do anything and I would do so willingly. Without question! As if she read my mind she smiled and explained to me that while she could make our choices for us, a mother’s pride comes from watching her children learn and grow as they make their own decisions.
Before leaving, she cupped my cheeks and lifted my gaze to meet hers straight on. “Child, this choice is yours to make. The path to the light will not be easy. You will not reap the reward of your sacrifice within your own lifetime. Only you can decide if it is worth it.” She bent to place a kiss on my brow as she disappeared, and I woke not only with the scent of Mountain Laurels and image of silver hair seared into my brain, but a certainty that even though my child may suffer, he would be made whole in the end.
I believe you are the fruit of my sacrifice, my little Mountain Laurel. Now that I am gone, you must take up my mantle and act as the poison of your namesake. My husband is a pathetic copy of his awful god, and their darkness has eclipsed our light for long enough! Do not let him fool you, do not let him dim your shine, and do whatever you can to end the persecution of our sisters.
Help me make my sacrifice worth it, ok? Bring us back out of the shadows, and pull my son along with you.
All my love,
Mom #3
“Do you think all of that is true?” Cas asks when he’s finished reading, tears falling down his cheeks. “She really believed she had to sacrifice herself?”
“I do. This was the last entry, so I think she wrote this shortly before she died. If she felt called to a purpose, she would have done whatever it took to serve. That’s what makes the Mother different. She asks for nothing, so we give her everything.”
“I don’t know what to think about all of this, it’s a lot.”
