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“The doctor will be only a few minutes. Why don’t you change into the gown while I tell him you’re here.”
Normally Cath liked seeing Dr. Orsinger. He was an old-fashioned general practitioner who took a friendly interest in his patients. When he breezed into the exam room, he asked how she had been aside from the flu, jotting notes as she talked. She took that opportunity to ask him if he knew of any special medical forms she would need in anticipation of her move to Europe. He asked about the new assignment, where she would be living and for how long she would be living there.
He drew routine blood work, reviewed her medical history to make sure she was up-to-date on tetanus. When he finished his exam he asked her to wait a little while so that he could go online to see if there were any health alerts for Europe of which she should be aware. She agreed.
Changing back into her street clothes, Cath hoped the wait wouldn’t be long. She still felt shaky and tired. A short time later Dr. Orsinger returned. He looked at her oddly.
“No health crises in Europe, I hope,” she said.
He motioned for her to sit down and he leaned against the edge of the counter containing the sink.
“Did you suspect you’re pregnant?” he asked.
Cath stared at him, certain she hadn’t heard correctly. He’d been her doctor for years. He knew it was impossible for her to get pregnant.
“You know I cannot have children.”
Her voice sounded calm. She’d long ago come to terms with her inability. Except for each time when her younger sister called to announce she was pregnant. The most recent call this weekend was the third time. That hurt.
Or when her best friend had her first baby two years ago.
So most of the time she’d come to terms with her inability.
He lifted the report the nurse had given him and read it again.
“Cath, we can repeat the test, but I don’t think the report got mixed up.”
Cath stared at him in shocked disbelief. From the time she was sixteen years old she’d known she would never have children. The automobile accident she had been involved in had caused such great scarring both externally and internally. The external scars had faded over the years, but internally she was still messed up.
Doctors had told her she would never conceive. Over the years, she’d grown used to the fact, even if she still railed against fate from time to time. She put on a good front when visiting home and seeing her sister’s children or her brother’s daughter.
Just last weekend she had once again feigned happy recipient to the news her sister was pregnant again. Inside she’d screamed with the unfairness of life, but she let none of those feelings spill out. Even those who knew her best never had a clue how much she’d longed for a child.
It was a cruel stroke of fate that had ended that hope years ago. But she had her career.
Her career!
“I can’t be pregnant.”
The room seemed to swirl around. She closed her eyes against the dizziness.
Trace! Oh no. He’d kill her when he found out. She’d told him there was no danger of getting pregnant. He’d used a condom, it broke. She told him not to worry, she couldn’t have a baby. How could this happen?
The doctor was looking at her with compassion.
“Actually I believe the prognosis was it would be highly unlikely for you ever to conceive. Obviously even doctors make mistakes.” He smiled at her. “I know this is a surprise, but a happy one, I hope.”
“I would like a second testing please.”
She couldn’t let her hopes be raised. The disappointment would be too great.
She’d been in love in a college, had even been asked to marry her sweetheart—Jason Donalds. But when Jason found out she was unable to have children he’d ended their relationship so fast she hardly knew what hit her.
Since graduation, she’d focused on her career to the exclusion of any long-lasting relationships. Her parents had urged her to be more open to men who were interested in her. Not every man wanted children. Adoption was an alternative if they did.
But the trauma of losing Jason because she couldn’t have a baby was almost too much to overcome. She was not going to risk her heart that way again.
And somehow she could not blurt out at the first introduction, “Hi, I’m Cath and I am unable to have children, you still want to date?”
