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When her laughter died, she looked at me a little more seriously. Even in the dim light, I could see that she was still flushed. Maybe she was also thinking about what happened the last time. I was tempted in the worst way, and she was shy.
I was an asshole.
“Thank you for sending out Priscilla, by the way.”
I didn’t deserve her thanks one bit. “I didn’t want you to stay alone.”
“Thank you.”
At least she was only using her words. It was good. “She can be too overwhelming sometimes,” I said, trying to change the subject.
Kira shook her head. “No, no, it was great. I loved having her here.”
“More than me?” I asked before I could even think about it.
Kira again shook her head, but this time she seemed much more serious. “Never.” She put the string on the bed and got even closer to me. “You are my favorite person to have close right now.”
I tried to not think about how close she was to me now. “I am your only option.”
“No. I would still choose you even if I had other options.” I couldn’t answer that, and Kira got closer. We were sharing the same air, same breath. “Can I want something from you, Gabriele?”
“Anything,” I answered truthfully. There was only one thing I wouldn’t do for her, but she didn’t need to know that until the time came.
Kira’s pale throat moved up and down, and she whispered to my lips, her breath caressing my flesh. “Will you kiss me?”
My body went rigid at once. I didn’t need a repeat performance. This was horrible for my self-control. “Kira, we talked about this.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head like crazy. “We didn’t talk aboutthis. This is not about a thank you. I want you, Gabriele. I want to kiss you and touch you and have sex with you.”
Fuck.
Did she have to say those words? My cock hardened at once with the thought, but I couldn’t take advantage of her. I couldn’t use Aleksei’s manipulation against her. “I shouldn’t.”
Her eyes filled with tears at once. “You don’t want me to touch you? Is it because I am dirty?”
Oh, fuck no. My jaw flexed at those words. How could she think I would think such a thing? I couldn’t help it. I took her face between my hands. For a second, she seemed excited because I was going to kiss her, but I didn’t. “You are not dirty, Kira. If there is someone who is dirty, it is them. You can never be dirty to me.”
“Then why not?”
Did she really not understand it? “I don’t want to hurt you like they did. I can’t use you. Even the thought makes me want to rip my own head off.”
She smiled sweetly. There was something so intense and soft in her blue eyes. Damn, she was beautiful. “You won’t hurt me.”
I gritted my teeth, trying to hold onto my control. She was here in front of me asking me to kiss her, but I couldn’t do it. It was the hell on earth. “Why do you want this, darling?” I was almost sure she wanted it for the wrong reasons.
“Because I am going to die,” she started with teary eyes making me go tense again. She didn’t seem like she realized it, though. “I don’t want to die with their touch on me. I want to erase them. Please help me erase them. Show me it can be good for me too.”
Those words made me realize that Kira probably never had sex with her consent. She never experienced what it felt like. She wanted to know before her death.
Was it a good enough reason for me to snap?
Which one would be worse, letting go or staying away?
Before I could find an answer to any of them, Kira brought her lips closer to mine and whispered desperately, “Please.”
Her lips touched mine, and before I pulled her face and pressed my mouth to hers, only one word escaped frommylips, “Fuck it!”
Kira
