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Antonio leaned a little closer to the bed, but his body remained seated at the chair. “Does your head hurt? Do you remember what happened?”
Those were not answers, but his flat tone answered everything. It filled my eyes with fresh tears. He thought I was mad at him, and I didn’t remember my anger. He thought I hated him.
I wish I never married a monster like you.
Words burned my heart, my soul. Regret filled my lungs like poison. “I am sorry,” I murmured with tear-filled eyes. “I am so sorry for saying those things. I am sorry.”
This made him leave the chair and sit on the bed. His hands cupped my face softly. another lightning revealed his hurt expression as he brushed away the tears. “Don’t be,” he rasped. “Don’t ever be sorry for anything. I am not worthy of these tears.”
I shook my head, making pain spread to my neck. “Don’t say that,” I begged. He was worthy of everything.
He was my everything, but I made him feel like nothing.
“I didn’t mean any of it.”
“Priscilla,” he whispered with so much affection, it felt like love. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Then why are you so far away? Why are you not holding me? I hurt you.”
With that, he actually laid down beside me. He was shirtless, and I wanted to snuggle up to him and steal all that body heat. He was close to me now. I could fill my lungs with his smell, and I could see those golden eyes despite the dark. Yet, he didn’t hold me. No part of his body touched any part of mine.
I saw his throat move up and down at the flash of lightning. “You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”
No. “None of them were true.” I reached for his cheek and hissed at the pain. “I never regretted marrying you.”
He touched the bandages on my arm that were probably covering a stitch. “You should be careful. Don’t hurt yourself.”
I didn’t care about the physical pain. I only cared about him. “Don’t you believe me? I didn’t mean it.” I held my tears back because I had already cried so much, but it was damn hard.
Antonio put his hand over mine on his cheek and gave me a soft look. He only ever gave that look to me. “It is okay, Priscilla. You had a right to say those things. You were hurt, and you were mad. I failed to protect you two.”
It felt like a punch to my chest. “I was the one who failed. I went out there. I killed the baby.” A traitorous tear escaped my eye.
Antonio brushed it away with tense fingers like touching me was hurting him. “No. That asshole killed the baby. You did nothing wrong.”
I knew I had done something wrong. I knew if Antonio was up, he would never let me make that mistake. Yet, hearing him say those things felt good because I knew those were his real thoughts. He never lied to me.
Even though I accused him of doing it, I knew he never did.
“Did you catch him?” I asked. It was not going to take away the pain, but I wanted him to get caught. I wanted him to be hurt for what he did to me.
Antonio’s face hardened under the lightning. “I couldn’t leave you alone, so I let Salvatore and Valerio go after him.” His jaw ticked. I have never seen him struggling this much. “When they caught up to him, the guy killed himself. I didn’t have a chance to hurt him. I wanted to give him hell.”
I voiced the logical thought, “It wouldn’t change anything.” The logic didn’t apply, though. I felt disappointed that he got away so easily. I wished that the pain he gave me faded away this easily.
“I know,” Antonio answered. “Only time can heal this wound.”
I nodded. I pulled my hand back and tried to bury my face into the pillow since his body was still an arm-length away. “You know I was not mad at you.” It was not the dominant feeling after all. It was something else. And I spilled the truth. “I was jealous.”
“Jealous?” his dark brows drew together.
I nodded without looking at him. That wound in my soul hurt more and more. “Our baby was dead.” I sniffed. “I was not even sure if the time could heal me. I felt like dying. And you were just there, so strong. You didn’t hurt at all, and I wanted to be like you. I wanted to not hurt at all as well.”
“Priscilla,” he started, but I held out a hand. This time I was going to explain myself the right way. This time I was not going to regret my words.
“I know it is not the end of the world,” I said and trapped my threatening sob inside. I wanted to be logical. I didn’t want to attack him with my emotions. He didn’t deserve that. “I was only five weeks along. I know that does not even count as a real pregnancy. If I didn’t take that test early, I would have thought it was just light period. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it just hurts me. I wish it didn’t, but it hurts so bad.”
Antonio shook his head. His cheekbones were so sharp under the faint light. “It is normal to hurt Priscilla. We lost a child. That hurts. And it hurt me too. Seeing you get attacked hurt me, and then hearing you lost our child doubled my pain.”
