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Fuck I knew it.
That’s why I stopped her. “Don’t,” I rasped without letting her finish. A hand squeezed my heart inside my ribcage, but I couldn’t let her say it. I couldn’t let her utter those words when there was no way I could say it back without lying.
I could not lie to her.
It was torture.
Priscilla’s face fell. “What?”
“Please don’t say it.” I didn’t say ‘don’t feel.’ I knew she could not change those. I only needed her to keep it inside. I needed her to just forget.
I was afraid of her crying. I was afraid she was going to let go of the soup and go to sleep.
She didn’t, though. She looked down to brush away her tears, murmuring, “Okay.” But when she looked back up at me, she was smiling. There was sadness in her, but it didn’t erase all my efforts.
She looked at the soup again. “It tastes delicious, though. I could eat it every day.”
“Then I’ll make it every day.”
She ate one more spoonful and looked at me again. She seemed more serious. “It is time to end this, isn’t it?”
End the depression. End the memories. So easily said, but it will be torture to get it done.
Still, it was the time. So, I nodded. “I know your pain will not disappear, but this is killing us both, Priscilla. Don’t shut yourself. At least not from me.”
Priscilla swallowed her soup and nodded. “You are right. It is just…” she sniffed, keeping her tears back. “It just hurts.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know how it feels. Just let me be here for you.”
She sniffed again and nodded with a sad smile. “You are right.” She looked down at her soup, and then at Apollo, who was sleeping on the floor, and finally back at me. “Maybe after I am done eating, we can walk Apollo together?”
Fuck, it felt like a huge gift. I would never have guessed walking that dog was going to make me this happy. I even had to put on an effort to not smile too much.
I swallowed hardly. My heart was ready to burst. Just a little step, but it felt like an accomplishment.
“I think both your boys will enjoy that,” I answered with a teasing voice.
Priscilla smiled shyly at that and the whole room, whole house, whole world filled with sunshine. Even broken, she was the brightest fucking thing I have ever seen.
My sunshine.
My everything.
Chapter 29
Priscilla
I never knew healing from a loss was this hard. I have lost many people in my life, but I always managed to grieve deep inside. I always managed to rain smiles all around me as I dealt with the pain.
This time I couldn’t hold it inside. It hurt me more than any loss I have experienced. I completely shut myself off. I didn’t let anyone in my head.
Until Antonio made that soup. It was so stupid, but it worked. Tasting my granny’s soup made me come to my senses. It was like I remembered who I was. I remembered my life was going on. I also realized I had a very thoughtful and amazing husband.
I was lucky to have Antonio. Even though he didn’t let me say those words. Even thoughhewas never going to say them. It was beautiful. Having him made everything better.
After the soup, I walked Apollo almost every day. I tried to live. I mostly did the same things, but I actually did them. I buried my pain deep inside my chest. It still hurt, but I learned to live with it.
When I was too sad, I talked to Antonio instead of just turning into a ghost. He didn’t need to talk back. He was a good listener. He let me talk about all my pain and worries. He held me through it all and softly kissed my face, shoulders, and hands. He was awfully comforting for a man without emotions.
