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When the meal was done, I snuggled Antonio’s side, and Apollo curled up on my feet. It was so very close to perfection for me. Our little family.
I looked at Apollo and how he was watching the movie. He was a very attentive watcher. It was probably because of his deafness, or I was just making it up.
“Are you really going to teach me Sign?” I asked, looking at Antonio from my place under his arm.
He looked at me with slight confusion. “Of course, I will.”
“Thank you,” I pressed myself to him. “I wish I knew it before. My granny always lip read, so I never considered. I also have a deaf cousin, but we are not very close.”
His body went a little tense around me. “Is that cousin from your granny’s side.”
I nodded absently, but just a few seconds after, it hit me. I looked at him with huge eyes. “Do you think it is genetic?”
“There is a chance.”
I pulled back from him and looked down. I was crushed. I was so stupid for never considering it. “I am so sorry,” I murmured. “I swear I didn’t know.” I hoped for him to believe me. I was telling the truth.
Antonio reached out to rub my shoulder in a soothing way. “Why are you sorry?” He genuinely sounded confused.
It didn’t make me feel any better. I felt tears gather up in my eyes. “You married me to have heirs.” A drop escaped my eye. “And my genes are broken.”
He scooted closer to wrap his arms around me. It didn’t feel good, though. He was so good at knowing what would make me feel good but knowing he only acted ruined all the experience. He was not genuine. He was just trying to keep me calm. Maybe he was even angry but was containing it inside since he was already stuck with me.
More tears started pouring from my eyes.
“Priscilla,” he said with a smooth voice. “Nothing about you is broken. We can talk to your cousin to be sure. It will be good to be prepared for our own child, but other than that, nothing changes.”
I shook my head. “You only say this to calm me. You want strong heirs.”
“And this doesn’t affect that at all.” He swiped a few of the many tears that escaped my eyes. He seemed somewhat in pain. “Please do not cry.”
“It doesn’t?” I asked with hope in my tone. He was good at playing, but I told him I wanted honesty, and he was honest until now in our marriage. I wanted to trust him to keep being honest.
Antonio swiped even more tears. It was almost like they gave him physical pain. “Would you love a child less because they are deaf?”
“Of course not,” I answered, offended. And then more tears welled up. “But you won’t even…”You won’t love them even if they are hearing. You won’t love any child of us.
His body hardened, but he kept his voice calm as he answered. “They won’t be any different to me than a hearing child. It is good that I already know Sign.”
“I should learn,” I said absently. We were avoiding again. His lack of emotions was hurting me even though I agreed to accept him like this. It was hurting me, and we were just avoiding the topic.
He cupped my face and kissed my tears away. “I’ll teach you. If you want, we’ll find you a course. Just please don’t cry.”
“Does it affect you?” I asked. “Does it affect you to see me cry?” I didn’t have anything to lose. Worst case scenario, he would avoid it again and just wrap me in his arms until we both could act like we forgot it.
He nodded and kissed my cheeks again. “It does,” he said with a hurt voice. “When I see emotions on people’s faces, I feel like I am close to feeling it myself. I get to understand what it does to a person. I enjoy seeing certain feelings. I enjoy seeing the pain in an enemies’ face knowing I created that. I enjoy making my family happy. And with you, I enjoy too many things. You wear your emotions so openly. They are so vibrant with you that I can feel it so deep inside of me. ‘I can feel it in my soul,’ I would say if I believed in souls. When you are happy, I can feel the vibrations of that joy in my body.” He kissed my lips so very softly. “And when you are sad, it breaks me too. I don’t want to break.”
It was more than I hoped for. It was enough to make me hope for more. Maybe I was preparing for my dreadful end, but I couldn’t care. Antonio’s words filled my chest with warm honey.
I kissed his lips and murmured, “Thank you.” I wanted to whisper other words, but this was the safest one.
Antonio kissed me as an answer, and we went back to watching our movie, and suddenly it was again a perfect night. I was again in love with my husband and believed he was in love with me too.
Chapter 19
Antonio
My phone rang just when I was about to have a meeting with Salvatore and my father. I knew my father wanted to talk to Salvatore about how he wanted to retire, and I knew he needed me there. Yet the name on my screen made me stop.
