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Probably it was best to just focus on the problem at hand. I was definitely telling Valerio tonight. I was going to make it special. I already had a great idea.
“You had her pretty young right?” Verona asked. I didn’t think she ever talked to me this much. This was good progress. I wished I was a bit better at talking to people.
“I gave birth when I was fifteen.”
“That is young.”
“It is very young to have a child.” Now I thought it was even too young to have sex, but back then, I didn’t realize that. I thought I was such a grown-up.
Verona nodded along with a straight face, but her face was usually like that. Then she asked, “Did you consider having an abortion?”
I flinched at the question. I was totally pro-choice, but I just didn’t think many people asked about abortion after the child was already born. It just seemed a bit rude. Still, I tried not to get offended. I knew Verona didn’t mean anything bad. She was just not the best at communication.
I didn’t want to offend her. I knew she must be just curious. It was not the most shocking question, after all. Being pregnant at fourteen was really not an ideal situation.
“Well, my father didn’t really give me a choice, but even if he did, I don’t think I would have gotten an abortion.”
“Really?” she asked, her eyebrows slightly lifted. “Why?”
I shrugged, feeling a little shy. “I mean, I know it is not the best idea to have a child at fifteen. If I had better mental health, I might have wanted to get rid of her, but that was not what happened. I never had a nice family like yours. I felt unloved, and I felt alone. When I got pregnant, I realized there was another person inside me. I was not alone anymore. I thought I would never be alone anymore if I had a child. It was not about loving children and wanting one of my own. It was a selfish move. I wanted somebody to love me. That was what I was expecting of that baby. Now I know it is not the healthiest mindset. It is not Elsie’s job to love me, but it is my job to make sure she is going to keep loving me. I want the best for her now, but a fourteen-year-old pregnant Luciana wanted what was best for herself.”
Verona looked at me for a second. Her expression didn’t carry any judgment. “That makes sense. Humans are naturally selfish.”
“I try not to be anymore.”
“You should be in some cases. You are not hurting anyone that doesn’t deserve it, and Elsie seems happy here. There is nothing wrong about doing things for yourself, Luce.”
I couldn’t say anything and just nodded. She was right. I had a right to do things for myself. I spent most of my life worrying about my family. After marrying Valerio, I put his thoughts and feelings over my own. I did want him to be happy, but maybe Ialsodeserved to be happy.
I deserved to tell my husband how much I loved him without worrying about what was going to happen. I just had to listen to my own wants a bit more.
“Thank you, Verona,” I said with a smile and got up from my chair. I went to where Valerio was playing with the kids and wrapped my arms around his middle.
His hand came over mine almost instantly, and he looked at me with his amazing smile. “Missed me?”
Normally I would be caught dead accepting that, but this time I nodded. I let go more and more every day. My reputation was getting harder to keep.
Valerio didn’t mock me. He only said, “I missed you too.”
“Do you have work tonight?”
His eyes lifted, and he got his naughty look. “No. Why?”
He got a dirty mind in every situation, but now he was right. “I thought we could do something special tonight.”
“Special like a romantic dinner?”
I got on my tiptoes and whispered into his ear, “Special like you fucking my ass.”
His body tensed, and he murmured, “Fuck” under his breath. “Now, I want the night to come quickly.”
“The wait will make it better,” I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek and unwrapping myself around him to go back to Verona’s side.
I heard him say, “I don’t think so,” and it made me smile. Combining my love confession with something dirty was just our kind of romantic gesture. It was going to be amazing.
Valerio
When we were back home after a great dinner at Antonio’s, Luce told me she needed to get ready. She said it in such a sultry tone that my skin buzzed. If it was before, I would have to just wait around the house, losing my mind. Tonight, I was letting her have her time while I took care of Elsie’s night routine.
